I feel very distant from my husband. Am I not in love with him anymore?

Question

I have just felt very upset with my husband the past few days. We have been arguing a lot, and we can't seem to agree on anything. I don't know what is going on? We have been married for 2 and a half years and have a 22 month old son. We have had some financial issues in the past, and money is another sore subject between us.

He has been asking me what is wrong, but I am not sure myself. What should I do?

Answer 1

Hello KI i'm here for you.

There are many matters within relationships that cause distance between relationships and cause that negative futile between sore subjects.
First off anytime theres a topic within a family that becomes harsh for both or one party, will always result in seperation of love personal feelings. The difference between one year ago versus today might be a long distance jump, but keep focused that anything can change!.

If you want your marriage to succeed along with your child of 22 months to understand the meaning of a quality life and family, you will have to maintain a decent amount of faith and strenth within yourselves.

Get with your husband, start to communicate, write down all the problems you see from #1- #5 other words top 5.
Talk them over there is a medium to each of those answers.

Many times it takes good planning and a good wake-up dealing with problems before a marriage can begin an awakening to a new life. People normally break away, and feelings are lost, that is nothing new. Its a common force of life. People are different man/ women and require different needs. It doesn't matter who your with, it will happen.

Its the same as eating the same food over and over again. You'll get tired of it, so the best way is find the problem make some alterations and press forward.

After a good talk, avoid yelling or arguments, get to the bottom. And make a plan/goal as if you were on The Apprentice television program and work together to repair anything, and think creative on how you can work together!

Rev Belkin

Answer 2

I get like that sometimes with my boyfriend. I have a hard time ignoring things that he does that bother me. He is pretty observant though and notices when something's wrong and we'll just start talking about it. It sounds like your husband is the same way. It's not always easy, especially since I'm pretty blunt and don't always feel like phrasing things nicely or diplomatically but our relationship always improves after our talks. Sometimes it gets better the same or next day, but not always immediately - but at least in a week or so. We move past that rocky period and our love is evident again.

I'm sure you could come up with SOMETHING when your husband asks you whats wrong. Even if its something small and "stupid" -- like him making an insensitive comment or a frivolous purchase or whatever, if its bugging you, it's not stupid and it feels so much better to talk about it. Or maybe its something that he's not doing -- not making you feel special, etc.

This is probably a temporary feeling. It sounds like this is one of those "for worse" times that the wedding vows mention. No relationship is great all the time and once you're married you've made a promise that you'll do your absolute best to make it work (more than you would in a non-marriage relationship). If you had these feelings with a casual boyfriend, you might say - take a hike mike - but this is your husband and you have a family. It has to be REALLY bad for you to "not be in love him anymore" - and it defintely doesnt sound like it is.

I seriously fought all of last week with my boyfriend. It was terrible. We just were not on the same page about anything and we couldn't get along. Then on Sunday we went to these gardens and had a picnic and a lovely day and now things are better. It was just a bad week. I'd recommend your family do free enjoyable things together to help with the money issues you mentioned. Are there any state parks, wildlife reserves or other hiking trails near you? Or even a neighborhood walk to check out the flowers would be nice.
You don't have to spend $ to have fun, especially if you cant afford it and those costly activities will end up putting a strain on your relationship as well as your future financial situation.

Answer 3

I agree with several of the posters her but especially with the one who said "at least he's willing to help solve the problem" many many people don't have a spouse who will try to talk about it. So I would start there. Tell him the truth as well as you know it. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Tired? Angry? Sad? Lonely? Think of what he must be going through too. If you've been fighting a lot I'm sure it's bothering him as well. Maybe say that you hate arguing so much. My dh and I have had a rough couple of years and a whole lot of fighting but just recently I've told him that I feel like we have to fight for our marriage and stop going against each other. I too was starting to feel distant. Now we are both working together to stay close even in the hard times, and it's working. We are getting much closer again. In marriage you will truly have both bad and good times. You are going to have to decide if you are the kind of person who sticks to their commitment and loves someone through good times and bad

Answer 4

If money is the sore subject than you should both be sitting down together to come up with a financial plan. Hash it out and then stick to it! That might be the underlying issue and it can turn into an argument about anything. Maybe once you do that, the arguments will stop. Once you have a plan that you can both live with it might take some of the stress out of day to day life. Good luck :)

Answer 5

I might suggest you sit down and just talk. It doesn't have to be complex or how to solve world hunger but just see what's on your minds and maybe find a sitter and actually go out on a date. The smaller "things" are the most important and I learned that long ago. Finance issues are the hardest of any marriage in my opinion and if you can get that under control or at least come up with a plan, you can handle anything. Good luck.

Answer 6

Sounds like you are unhappy. Ask your husband for some alone time so you can figure it out and ask him what he thinks about the situation. Then talk with each other about your situation. Maybe you need some stress relief from the mom and wife role. Or you need more attention from your husband. Whatever it is, if you two talk without holding anything back, you can come to some very important discoveries about each other. Remember, this is the ONE person you chose to share yourself with for life. And being in love is something you can create together. I'll pray for the both of you.

Answer 7

You and your husband have been arguing. Its natural to feel distant when you argue a lot and have said things to each other that you might regret.

Give it some time. Stop arguing, find better ways to communicate and don't force the feeling. Oncce you aren't arguing and you both understand how each other feel, you will feel close again.

Between the talking and arguing, you might also want to think about making some time to hang out and have fun together. You also may want to think about turning some of the negative emotions into passion and have a night of sex. Sex brings emotions to the surface and may help you feel close to your husband.

Answer 8

married life has its ups and down, maybe your on the rocky road today and god has tested you how strong is your love and faith to your relationship with your husband.
keep holding on that's the best thing to do for the sake of your child's. it is normal that couple have their arguments about finances and other stuff but don't let this ruined the bond between you and your husband. love, understanding and respect is the key to a successful relationship, but if you feel that there is no more hope in your relationship look for a better solution, ask your family or friends to help you resolve things or better yet go to a marriage counseling

Answer 9

young kids and money problems are some of the biggest causes for divorce . You need to talk and do not give up over a few speed bumps. I have been married 17 years and about every 7 years you will go thru stuff like this but if you can talk it will all work out.

Answer 10

Try to sort it out by having a heart-to-heart with yourself and with your hubby. When children arrive they can change everything in our lives. We no longer put our spouses first, it's all about the kids. You 2 should get away sometimes, even just for the afternoon or an evening, to rekindle the love and keep it and feel like a couple again. Sometimes we need to get away from the kids, ya know? Keep talking to one another, not nagging or *itching to each other, just talking like friends talk. If you can't treat each other like you treat your friends you are headed for trouble. Not necessarily divorce, but trouble in the marriage. Be nice to each other and pull your wagon together in the same direction.