Should I really marry her in light of these flaws?

Question

My gf is very attractive, religious, intelligent, etc. My issue is that she is rather inconsiderate at times. I open the car door for her, she just get's in and sits there, not opening the door for me.

Forgot my b day and apologized next day, stating she would make it up to me. I had to tell her to buy me a gift and she did, spending more money than I thought she would.

Once in the six months we've been dating, was she 40+ minutes late. I had to call her to find out what was up. Her bird crapped on her stuff and she was embarrased to tell me that's why she was going to be late. She agreed to call next time, but was late again a week later, but she called. Then again a week later only she was 20 minutes late, but no phone call.

There are a lot of little things like this, some worse than what I have mentioned. She is a good girl, no xzex before marraige, etc. but even though I talked to her about this stuff recently, even though she tries to correct it, it's always something.

Doesn't really do anything for me unless she I ask her to or express concern about the lack of giving. Then she goes back to her old way. I love her to death and she stays with me even though I sometimes do stuff that tears her away from her religion. She stays because she says I at least try not to be sexuall with her.

ummm...I do press her for sex, we fool around a little and even that bothers her but I told her it is not sex to roll around grinding each other and there needs to be compromise. She says she enjoys it but feels guilty, and has threatened to leave several times because of it. I am getting better at not doing stuff with her and she says that even though I mess up sometimes she stays because I try and she respects that.

Answer 1

I think that the only way you will know if you want to marry her is if you can honestly say that since you can't change her...she is who she is...will these flaws bother you so much that you don't think you can live that way. That's the main thing. You first have to accept that people rarely change. Sure, you might make a difference now and then...but she will more than likely go back to her old ways because that is "just her."

I really think that is the only way you will know. Ask yourself if you can marry her "this way"...and don't rely too much on being able to change her. Good luck. Hope things work out and you do what makes you happy.

Answer 2

If that's the only reason why she stays with you, then don't marry her. If you think she is late on purpose or doesn't feel the need to do things 50/50, then she isn't worth marrying. My husband is lazy, and I literally have to leave a note and remind him to do some chores, which I leave, until he gets them done. It's not a big deal and it doesn't bother me. Also, he was always late and he still is on family visits. Some people are like that and don't care much to be on time. Those things are small and it shouldn't bother you too much. My husband also opens the car door for me, but I never open it for me. I guess it's more like a tradition for good manners when you take your date out and it just stuck with him.

Answer 3

Real tough one here. Probably no one right answer to this. Try not to think in terms of should. Think in terms of 'Do I want to?'. This is tough I know but you are the one who will have to live with all of these things. No one else. Everybody has flaws. If you go out with somebody else there will be something different to deal with. Do you think you can do better than this? Are you happy? Does not marrying her seem better than marrying her? All questions to ponder. It's whatever you want. There is no right or wrong here.
I agree with most of the other people that she will probably not change once you marry her. This may include her current sexual fridgidity. The religious thing may be a cover for the fact she's not comfortable giving herself to a man. And you are continuously made to feel guilty about wanting to be sexual with her.
Remember, you don't have to do anything except die and pay taxes. You don't have to be married to be a complete person. If you don't want this don't do it. If you wan't it then, by all means, go for it.

Answer 4

ok, first of all, if your listing someones flaws, your probably not really in love. when you're truely in love with someone, you don't see the flaws... get it? good, now keep up. secondly, you've only been together by your record for six months. in this six months you've managed to pick out this many flaws? sounds like this isn't the one for you. now ask yourself how many flaws you have and even sit down and ask her what you do that bothers her. I think you have a problem with expecting perfection from people. oh, and about the opening of the door thing, you should do that for her because thats what a gentleman does, and he does this without expecting anything in return. and maybe she was late the second time because she was at home trying to get ready and do her makeup and stuff to try and look good for you. hell, some of the girls that go out with my group of friends take hours to get ready. so relax, and try and evaluate the whole thing.

Answer 5

You have to understand that when people get married, they oftentimes have already sabotaged their marriage because they expect marriage to fix all the "flaws" of their respective partners.
Your girlfriends flaws, if they bother you so much, should be considered in a serious manner by both of you before taking the big step. If you can resolve it and both try to compromise then that has already set a good protocol for when you finally do get married. If she refuses to compromise, then you must accept the fact that this unwillingness to address parts of her personality that bother you is going to be an ongoing pattern that may not be fixable.
Conflicts define a relationships, it is within these conflicts that we find ourselves and find out the most important aspects of our partners personality. Talk to her about it, have a serious discussion, and then if your gut tells you its okay, then do what will make you both the most happy. Good luck!

Answer 6

A girl is not suppose to open the door for the guy. A true gentleman does it for the girl. If you have to ask your girlfriend to buy you gifts and remember special occasions, then she is not very thoughtful of you and is not in love with you. I think it is time for you to move on. Find someone who cares for you the way you want them to. There is alot of girls out there that would give you the world, you just need to look harder and be patient.

Answer 7

Hey, Jason: Let's put things in perspective here. It is VERY obvious that the two of you are mismatched. She is NOT the one for you. The fact that she is religious doesn't mean squat.
I can see that she doesn't have the same frame of mind as you. She may be a nice girl, but nice girls don't make suitable mates--only compatible people do. Dump her at once and find someone like you.
Sincerely,
Mr. M on "flaws."

Answer 8

May I just ask why you are so in love with a self-indulged, selfish woman who wants you to respect what she wants but doesn't respect what you need? Three key issues in a marriage....open communication, honesty, and RESPECT. She is demonstrating none of the above. And the only reason she seems to want to hang with you is that you aren't pressuring her for sex!!! What will it be like if you marry her? And I find people who are consistently late even more self-indulged as if their time is the only time that is important. She doesn't sound like good marriage material to me at all. Think about it.

Answer 9

Your concerns with her seem very petty. I don't open the door for MY date after he does for me. Yea that's sad that she forgot your birthday but hey stuff happens. And so what if she's late? I mean you said "once in six months." That isn't bad. Things come up and things happen. You should be more understanding. If you love her tho but you're still having second thoughts, dont do it. NEVER marry someone if you have second thoughts.

Answer 10

this is not a match. Please take the time to exit before your life gets worse. You THINK you love her but this is not the way it should be after only 6 months. You deserve much better. She has no consideration for you and that is a basic element especially at this early date in your relationship. I do hope you can rise above your emotions and hormones and be rational about this.