Is marriage really worth it?

Question

I have a lot of dating experience and have read more than a few books on dating and the psychology of male and female courting. Having experienced it first hand I know for a fact that falling in love, or out of love for that matter are not logical, conscious choices. There are external things that we see, hear, feel and smell that trigger attraction in us. You can fall in love, get married and 1,2 or 50 years later fall out of love, or worse yet, fall in love with someone else that is more physically attractive, funnier, has more money, than your current spouse and since we are emotional creatures we tend to stray. I would like to think my hot yet uber religious gf who wants to wait until married is above this but I am worried that since she has had sex with one man already, shortly after she was date raped by another, that even she may give in to temptation. Only thing that comforts me is knowing that she abstained several years before and several years after/since then.

Answer 1

it is worth it when you find the right person but for me it is just one of those life realities and i don't really care that it.

Answer 2

Jason; all relationships have risk. Not everyone is going to stray. You are correct; there are times when couples have been together long enough that they seem to fall out of love. I have learned that by hanging in there a couple can fall back in love. Love is more than choice and chemistry. Marriage is more than romance and feeling. When a person makes a commitment, he/she should honor it or not make the commitment. Speaking only for myself, I miss being married. I loved it and was a very good wife. As you said so well above, there are external things that trigger attraction in us. Fortitude is what keeps us faithful. If you don't have trust; you don't have a relationship. Nuff said. Nana

Answer 3

Dude: It is like this: You need to be at least 26 before you consider the matter because you need time to mature, to educate yourself so that you will have the money that you will need so that you may have a good idea of what you want in life. Also, you need to date long enough to know your date well enough to consider marriage. 2 years is what I recommend. Your girlfriend seems to like sex and she also seems to have had bad experiences with other guys. The question is: What is her level of education? What kind of job does she have? How much money does she make ($25 per hour is good)?
Marriage is worth it with the right person and she doesn't sound like the one for you!!! You don't seem to fit the aforementioned qualifications either, so take your time and dump her unless you want to end up living in some ghetto with some nobody and too many kids.
It is about the lifestyle that you want. I say dump her, go back to school, and find someone who fits your expectations. The sexual part is meaningless unless the rest of the package is there. Capice?
Mr. M on "really worth it."

Answer 4

Is sex an issue here?. My best advice that was given to me is marry your best friend because when you are older and the sex isnt there the friendship still will be.
Yes we all do feel the need to stray but you tell yourself Im married and Im not in my marriage to cheat and hurt my best friend. You come out stronger that way. I would put your books down and concentrate on the girl you love, the past does not matter. Those who dont trust are usually the ones that dont trust themselves remember that.

Answer 5

It IS a lot of WORK...every day on both sides.

One thing I will say, positively, is that women with the LESSER BAGGAGE will likely be a lot less problematical in the long run, because the ones with the more distress and distrust in their background invariably bring it WITH them from the old relationship to the new one.
Primarily, I think folks jump into new loves too fast, before sorting out the junk from the former failed relationship, and try to resolve the old stuff with the new love.
T'ain't the new love's problem, but it comes with the package.

Good luck finding a simple, and clearer pure love.
Save yourself a ton of heartache!

Answer 6

The question of marriage depends on how you view it, what you are willing to put into it and what you expect to get out of it. You are not the first to ponder the "what ifs." You say you have a lot of dating experience. That doesn't mean a hill of beans in regards to what you know about marriage. No disrepect, just an opinion. You need to talk to your prospective spouse and find out how she views marriage. It sounds to me like you are considering asking her, yet you are not quite sure. If she was raped, as you say, then that doesn't mean she will likely be tempted to stray. Quite the opposite, perhaps. You speak of her sexual experiences, what about yours? Are you celebate? It almost sounds like you have a judgment about her, but are putting yourself up on a pedestal. You need to have confidence in yourself as a man. If you love her and treat her kindly, lovingly, respectfully, honestly, affectionately, passionately, honorably, then she should be happy with that and stick with you through thick and thin. I wish you luck!

Answer 7

If you truly believe that love is something that just happens TO you and not something you can sustain, then you shouldn't get married. It requires a lot of work.

Shame on you for not praising your wonderful girl and holding her hand when she's been through so much, rather than doubting her.....

Answer 8

well said my friend. in short term, marriage is Like A Box Of Choclates...you never know what your gonna get..good luck

Answer 9

dude you worry way to much. whatever happens happens. i personally dont believe in marriage but shacking up is an easier option that way when **** does hit the fan you dont have to deal with the legalities

Answer 10

It depends on the the person,and what kind of moralities that you have,depending weither or not if marraige is worth it or not.