Best advice for a successful marriage?

Question

Long-term married couples, what's your recipe for success?

Answer 1

I have been married 9 years and I can only tell you what has worked for us. The main thing is always keep life fun. Don't let it get boring or let yourself get in a rut. Its also important to not lose the romance you have while dating after you get married. As a guy I am still constantly bringing my wife flowers or getting her a card. Also remember to pick your battles. If your going to argue about something make sure its important enough. Don't waist time on the small issues. Make sure that your love life keeps its spice. And have a good plan on how your going to handle money. These are the things I found can cause the most problems if you are not able to handle them properly. Now with that said there is no how to book exactly so what works for this person may not work for you but these are some ideas. Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 2

First and foremost - try to always see things through your spouse's point of view. This is a rather simple act, but very difficult to practice. However, if you become good at it - it will help your marriage beyond belief.

Second- Strive to be friends first, lovers second, and parents third. That's right. Sooner or later kids will come along. They're great, but they do NOT define YOUR relationship. Someday, those same kids will grow up and leave (hopefully anyways !) and the two of you need to have more in common than a couple of offspring with your shared DNA.

Third - Your relationship is the most important thing in your life. More important than your job, your parents, your best friend, your sister or brother, etc.... Many a marriage problem can be traced to one or both of the spouse's placing more respect and imprtance on a career or some other person in the extended family.

Fourth - Attempt to make your spouse happy, but KNOW that you are only responsible for your own happiness. Many young couples (especially the female) operate under the incorrect assumption that in order to be "in love" both partners must have the same emotional reaction to the same situation / circumstances. This is simply not true. In fact, it can help the couple to make rational and correct choices at critical points in life if they are not emotional siamese twins.

Fifth - While its good to have common interests, its OK (in fact good) to have a few hobbies that do NOT involve your spouse. You need to maintain a little independence to be a complete person. This is a good and healthy way to acomplish this. Don't let anyone convince you that a couple MUST do everything together to be truely happy. Find the balance that's good for the two of you and to hell with everyone else.

Sixth - Always show affection to each other. Pinch her butt while she brushes her teeth in the morning. She can discretely brush his "package" in public and offer an insincere "excuse me" as a joke. Hold hands in public, hug, etc..... Always, always, always make a little affection time for each other. It lets each other know that you love them and reminds them of WHY they love you.

Lastly - Abandon any and ALL thoughts of separation and divorce as a solution to your problems. Unless there is infidelity or abuse, its not an option. Period. Love is patient, love is kind, and yes - sometimes love is STUBBORN !!! It takes two people to come together in love and really only one person to end a relationship. You must both agree that no matter the fight, no matter the hurdle, no matter the difficulty - a split is not one of the negotiation tactics. The thought will come into your mind sooner or later - it does for everybody. Those that say it doesn't are truely very close to God, or are liars (probably the later). But you bite your tounge until it bleeds. To use the threat of leaving is the WMD of relationships. Its a nuclear warhead - once brought into the argument arsenal, you can NEVER but the genie back in the bottle.

Besides - over time, you will learn that there is a great security in knowing that no matter how bad you might have screwed up, or how bad the fight is, that the other person still loves you and will stick it out and see it through with you. It is one of the truest forms of love that is possible.

Its like the love from God - your spouse sees you (all of you warts / scars / faults and all), yet loves you in spite of yourself and chooses to continue to love you. Not because you're perfect or flawless, but because they know your beauty outshines whatever temporary fault you might be exhibiting at the present time.

Damn - that was deep :)

Answer 3

My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have been together for over 19 years. I feel these things are the most important for a successful marriage.

faithfuness

honesty

listening to each other

intimacy...making sure "both" partners needs are met, and ensuring that nothing will be done intimately that the other one is not comfortable with.

Also make sure that the child rearing is either similar or if not...make sure that both of you learn to respect the difference in parenting.

Always be good friends to each other.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Just my two cents...my husband and I are very happy. I hope you will be too.

Answer 4

We've been happily married 36 years, and I guarantee you, some of the key elements of a successful relationship - married or otherwise - are:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

Answer 5

Learn to love yourself before trying to love someone else. Become a complete person and want to share that completion with another complete person. Too many people have the misconception that your partner is supposed to complete you and with that school of though spawns dissapointment. You have to allow someone to be who they are and you will find a person that will do the same. That way you will bring out the better person in each other. Change will come but starting out as equals will allow room for change and you can grow together. I suggest you read the book 5 languages of love. It should be required prior to any relationship. Hope this helps and GOD speed to ya.

Answer 6

Being faithful to each other is at the top of my list. You must respect your mate, love him/her unconditionally, communicate, have trust, be willing to sacrifice, agree on finances, be best friends, make love because you want to, not because it's a duty, take care of each other, and last but not least, be fully committed to each other until the day you die. A successful marriage is not thinking of yourself, but thinking of your partner. You need time to yourself at times to remember who you are as an individual. Take time for personal hobbies and hobbies you can do together. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. YOU HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO THE RIGHT PERSON !!!!!

Answer 7

I am going through a divorce so the only advice I can give is communicate, communicate, and more communication! Talk about everything and if you have to - say nothing at all! Spend QUALITY time together... Talk about future issues: in-laws, children, money, what will you do on holidays?, Who will clean the house? Where will you put the can food? Will you have animals - inside or out? Discuss every issue! If possible, meet with your pastor or someone you trust separately and together to discuss sensitive issues. Good luck!

Answer 8

The one thing i realized is: If you go into the marriage unhappy, it`ll stay that way. Don`t expect Marriage to change your already existing relationship, it`ll just get worse that way.
Communication is the most important, but it is even if you aren`t married.
Compromising is also very important, give and take.
Sacrifice is another big one, or just the Willingness to sacrifice.

Answer 9

talk alot how each feels.both person changes.there will be good and bad times but ask god to help you.we loss our only daughter age 32 in jan 06 and our 4 mo old great grandson dec 05.we have 4 sons and 9 grandkids and now a 2 and half month old great grandson.after all this if we could not got this far with stress to deal with without each other.and god helped us.we will be married 43 years in dec.marriage is hard work.both have to work at it.

Answer 10

Make sure you can live with the person you are marrying just as they are, a ring will not change bad habits that annoy you! Realizing that you and your future spouse are still individuals, with your own likes/dislikes. Embracing all that diversity, and always talk through disagreements before they get out of control with love and respect.