How do I get over it?

Question

My wife of 25 years cheated on me with a work mate, came clean, told me, said she was sorry, broke off with the other guy and will change jobs in two weeks time. I have decided to give her another chance but the problem is I have difficulties coping with is my head space. I am depressed, insecure, lost my drive my get up and do things drive. She blossemed under the spell of that affair, bought sexy undies, had a full shave and increased her sex drive many times over. All this was done for the other guy - not for me so now my EGO is suffering big time. I loved her so much before and she was so special to me. I tell her what my emotions are and her replies are that I have been on many overseas trips and surely I must have cheated on her too?? The truth is no not once! I'am not a hypocrite and yes there were times when I was attracted to some one else but it never happened! So whats the best way for me to get on with my life?

Please see my previous question for more details

Answer 1

I saw your previous question and here is the tough answer: you are going to have a rough go for awhile my friend. Your wife did a very cruel thing to you and destroyed your self-esteem in the bargain. The good news is, with counseling, with time, with space, you will be happier than you have ever been. You will learn that you are a person who deserves to be loved and that she chose badly. Please talk to a counselor about this. Please do not think about ending your life anymore. The part of your life where you trusted your wife is over. She will have to earn that back, if it is possible at all. She is looking for an excuse to say: "See, I only did what you did first!" She can't do that to you. You are honorable and honest and she can't take that away from you. I wish you the best and promise you that the best is yet to come. This is from one who has been there.

Answer 2

Dude, check this out. Forget about all the psycobable BS you are getting from these people on Y A. The truth is you will never fell the same way about her again. You will never trust her, or any of that crap. So I suggest pick yourself up off the couch. Go to the bank get a hundred dollars in ones, and take yourself to the strip club. Have a good time. Go to the bar pick up a chick and do your thing. Just make sure you do come home smelling like a chic, with lipstick on the coller, the whole nine yard. For the sake of all men. GROW A SET. And for the guy she was with. he totally dissrespected you as as man. He knew she was married but apparently he just didnt think you would do anything about it. Well know you ask yourself what should I do. I think you know what to do. Go take your respect back F the BS!

Answer 3

I want to give you something positive to think about. My wife had an affair after 13 years and it devastated me. She did not confess...I caught her. She is not sorry, she does not love me, said she never loved me, and said I was and am now disgusting to her.

I would pay a million dollars to be in your shoes. You have a scenario that I replay in my mind over and over. Don't squander an opportunity for someone you love that made a big mistake and is willing to reconcile.

You have to understand that you were part of the problem, but that it didn't justify her huge mistake. Get counseling, open up to her, have her open up to you. Fix what you two have taken for granted over the years. Your health? Your faith? Your respect?

She should be willing to do ANYTHING to make things right again including calling often when she is away, not hiding any email passwords, or phone calls. This is the obvious stuff.

Do not ever think of the other man. It had nothing to do with him. It only had to do with feelings you used to give her that faded away. Work on that only and I think you can overcome the broken trust and hurt.

Answer 4

What can you do? Nothing. Once the trust is lost, it's lost. It's up to you to make up your mind what you want to do about it. Cheating indicates a lack of respect. No one deserves to be with someone who does not respect them. You were overseas and that's why she cheated? Bull. She cheated because she wanted to.

I'm not going to sit here and say, "Dump her!" Because I am in a similar situation. I want to break up with my man, but I care about him and it takes a lot of guts to just throw it all away and start over. We are working it out.... although sometimes I feel that things are so broken that we are wasting our time trying to make it work.

It's painful. You need to find a support group. My man drinks. A lot. He's not violent, just idiotic. He's an alcoholic, but won't admit it. So I joined an Al-Anon group. It's all about working on yourself. I'm trying to get my head on straight. Unfortunately, it is not a question that anyone else can answer. Sorry.

Answer 5

Tell her she is going to have to earn back your trust.
Then close all you credit cards and open up a separate bank acct. Divide all you bills fairly and don't be generous. Tell her to sleep on the couch. because right now all she is a room mate. If she wants to improve things then she needs to figure out how to repair the damage she has done.
I was in a similar boat, but I separated from my wife and banged every woman I could for a year.

Answer 6

You are clinically depressed. You need to make an appointment with your doctor and tell him what is going on. He should be able to prescribe you something to get through this rough patch in your life.

You being overseas, is no reason for your wife to cheat on you. My husband worked overseas for 11 years and I never once cheated on him. That reasoning is crap! She cheated because that's what she wanted to do and she didn't care about your marriage or you while she was doing it.

I think you should both go to couples counseling. It could save your marriage.

Depressed people are no fun to be around when they aren't on their meds, if you don't get help that'll be her NEXT excuse.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

why 2 weeks to leave this job.

Answer 8

Get on meds or get a divorce