Fighting a losing battle!?

Question

I stay at home with my dad & my brother. My house is quite big - it has 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and the kitchen and living room alone, make up the size of some small flats.

I used to have my own flat with a friend, and it was sooo easy to keep clean and tidy. My flatmate was considerate in that she cleaned up after herself, and vice versa, and we took it in turns to do the housework.

Since moving back home, I am always left with the burden of cleaning the house. It is really hard work, due to the size, and also the added detail that being men, neither my dad or my brother show any consideration to what I do around the house.

We have dogs, and it's like fighting a losing battle. I am constantly sweeping up hair. It makes me so fed up that I spend so long doing the housework, and I'll go out for a few hours, and come home to crumbs all over the worktop & empty crisp packets lying around the living room. The mess doesn't seem to bother them, but it is doing my head in!!!

Well, my brother and I went on holiday last year for 2 weeks, and came back to an absolute disaster!!!! - point being that Dad just doesn't seem to care at all.

My brother however, I know he will do stuff around the house when I am not here, but I have tried leaving it (e.g. didn't do anything for a couple of weeks) and he still didn't budge, and I had to eventually give in as it was only making it a harder task for myself.

another point worth mentioning - I am the only one who does an actual weekly shop. They don't eat my food all the time, but I can't remember when the last time was that any of them bought a loaf/pint of milk/ shampoo etc

moved back due to cash flow problems, so moving back out is not an option - much to my sheer frustration!!!!!

I have vented my frustrations with them a hundred million times & I'm at the end of my tether!!!! Just wanted to share my experience with fellow sufferers to see whether I am the only mug who is being taken advantage of!!!

Answer 1

Nag, nag and nag some more.

Answer 2

Poor you, Well I´m sure you tell them often enough, and it goes in 1 ear and comes out the other. You have to set some rules.and stick to them. First write letter´s to them , don´t waste your time telling them , don´t leave this here , put that back in it´s right place, Tidy up the kitchen when you have finished, And just because they are men, they have to clean up their own mess. You are not doing them any favors by picking up after them. So first thing to do is sit down all 3 and talk about the cleaning of the house. Make a list of all the thing´s they should do ,& all the thing´s that can be shared . You need a good hoover , this is No 1, A Dyson animal hoover would be perfect, cost a bit more than other´s but worth the money spent. The letter writing always work´s . I still use this for my kid´s, Leave it in there room, say what they have to do . and they do it without being told twice. I don´t know what it is about the little notes , but it seem´s to work. Okay first time round, It was . SO whats with the notes. Simple I said , only way to communicate . If you are in charge of the house , then every one must follow your rules. Otherwise, stop doing the cleaning , they will soon change their tune

Answer 3

try your hardest to find someone who you can get on with and who also wants to flat / house share with you.

apart from your own room, toilet and kitchen, dont clean the other rooms up.

Get the lazy b`s together, perhaps after a meal at table, and try to talk about the housework and make a rota up.

If they still dont do their share of the cleanup, tell them CLEARLY that you are NOT a maid and if they want you to work for them, that you want paying a proper rate.

Those males in the family are certainly not being fair to you. If there is a small bin in the room, its just as easy to put their crisp packets in the bin as it is on the floor.Even if its only a box with a carrier bag in it for easy emtying. Either way, for your own healths sake you really need to STOP doing everything for them before you become ill. Tell them straight that you arent going to clean up after them if they dont do their share of all cleanups.

you must have some income,even if its only benefits so buy your own food only.
They have arms and legs, and should use them. Cook a meal for yourself, with shopping that you did, and wash the dishes that you used.wipe the mess you create when using a tray to prepare your own foodstuff, that way you arent having to wipe up before you start.

In other words, go on strike.
But do try and find another person you could possibly share with in a place of your own.
Good luck !

Answer 4

that sounds like a normal day in my house as I am the only female with my hubby, two sons and a dog that casts constantly. I get sick of doing the same thing every day and working 21 hours a week , all of the cooking and washing and ironing too. You have a choice as you can move out.

Tell your bruv if he is big enough to make the mess then he is big enough to clean up after himself, or tell him to pay you for it. Hope that works


after reading what you put on last then my answer is

MOVE OUT let them live in their own dirt to see how they like it good luck

Answer 5

Seriously? You DID all you could, and they're taking advantage of that - YOU are not supposed to live in a pig sty, so I really second the advice of you moving out - if they expect you to do this because you live there for free, a bit of freely sought independence will allow you to clean only after yourself. This will show you mean business, and you will learn to respect yourself more. The hardest thing to realise in life is that most people won't take notice of what you say or do/don't do because they think about themselves first! Take care of yourself first, girl!

Answer 6

(sorry, didn't read the other answers to see if I'm repeating someone here)

First of all, let me say that you are not alone! I have a husband, and a toddler, who do not know how to pick up after themselves, and seem to deliberately make a mess just for me to clean up! And yes, I have a dog too.

As it seems hopeless to get them to change their ways, your best hope is to change your mindset. Tell yourself you are not cleaning up after them, you are cleaning to make "you" happy. Make the housework fun for you. Challenge yourself to find a way to make it a game, or at least better than just a boring/frustrating chore.

Don't spend so long at a time doing housework. Break it up into 15 minutes at a time.

For the dogs, get a grooming brush for them. Again, 15 minutes. Brush them well to get rid of loose hair. You'll probably have to do this every day at first. Also, mix eggs into their diet. This helps strengthen and shine their coats so they won't shed as much. Raw eggs are best, and usually dogs don't have the same problem about salmonella like humans do. If they won't eat plain raw eggs, try mixing a raw egg with their dry dog food. If they are used to eating table scraps, then scramble the eggs with their dry dog food. Dogs usually LOVE this. (bonus tip: add garlic to this scrambled dish to help keep fleas and ticks off your dogs. It taints the taste of their blood and the buggies don't like it.)

Let a few of the rooms go if you can. Choose to keep just two or three rooms clean for you. Your bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom, and maybe one other room if you want.

Cleaning can be fun! I use the FlyLady's system to give me motivation to keep cleaning my home.

Good luck to you!! Don't give up.

Answer 7

Im a clean freak but have three sons and i get the same thing..Their mum and me are forever tidying up and the best thing to do is boycott all the cleaning entirely till they respect what you do around the home..It will be hard seeing all the mess but i bet you win in the end..

Answer 8

You can come right out and tell them, its getting on your nerves, but doubt they would care. Im sure it does feel like your fighting a losing battle, and you are. If oyu can stand it JUSt stop cleaning up after them. Go on Strike!! maybe they will notice then, no cooking no cleaning, nothing! If they mention it, just say whats the point?then tell them you will make an effort ONLY if they do.
Good luck, sure sounds like your going to need it

Answer 9

You didn't mention if you were living there for free or not. If you are, then you may have to do a little work for your keep.

About picking up after the men, just don't do it. If your brother leaves a mess, don't clean it up. Sooner or later, he will say something, or clean it up himself. If he says something, tell him it is his mess and he needs to clean up after hisself.

That should get his attention. good luck.

Answer 10

Blah, blah, blah. Evolution/the vast bang are actually not incompatible with faith. Conspiracy concept movies are actually not straightforward data that faith is a fraud. you do not understand what you're speaking approximately, like maximum of those "New Atheist" sheep who save on with Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens as blindly as any deity.... playstation : not in straightforward terms conservatives have faith in God. think of Chris Matthews, Michael Moore, and so on..

Answer 11

Maybe you could sit them down and say nicely that you dont mind cleaning but ask if they could do a better job of picking up after themselves. If they respect you they will try to do better:)