i have been unhappy for ten years can you help?

Question

untill ten years ago i was very happy with friends round me i could trust that i had know for twenty years i then had a relationship at work and every body was supportive of this relationship but when this relationship ended ihad a nervous breckdown not because the relationship but because i got bullied out of my job and threated by one of his mates and iwalked out of my jobs to get away from this but my worked mates turned my own friends against me and they also started to bully me and then ihad to turn my back on them to get away from it since then i have had 2 jobs and bin married and divorced to aman who turn into a bullly but want i want ican.t seem to get back which is having people around me that i can trust and stay with me through thick and thin and will do nothing to hurt hurt me want can ido

Answer 1

why dont you try a counsellor? Maybe having someone to listen to your worries and offer constructive feedback might help you

Answer 2

Ah Lambkin, you are in a jam right now. First of all, I had a similar experience so I do know how this sort of thing can last 10 years! Now. This is very important. You have come on here and asked a question and are looking for help which I think is brave and very meaningful. It means you are ready to do what it takes to get some life back! First of all, you do have to brush away whats done. You can't ever go back and change that. Also, don't get involved with anyone seriously until you are happy again. Women make dreadful choices for themselves when they are down! But you know that already I am sure. Are you happy in your job? If you are then thats at least a start. If not, can I suggest that you look for some kind of course to do - designed to broaden the mind, and boost the confidence when it goes well - it becomes an achievement in your New Life. The Open University might be an option? As for friends - they can't have been that great or they would still be around so I don't think you should be too worried about their loss. If they knew you well enough - they would have known what you were about and stuck by you. In an effort to make new, better friends, you will have to put yourself out a bit and not be too reluctant to join in with people - I appreciate that you might find it hard to trust people again but we are dealing with humans and they are probably going to let you down at some point it just depends how bad it is at the time! My very best friend and I have let each other down in the past but we stick together anyway no matter what. We sort of muddle by the bad stuff. Thats the kind of friends you need and you may find that doing a course introduces you to lots of lovely new people as well as providing you with a ticket for a new professional opportunity. Is it worth thinking about maybe? x

Answer 3

No matter what we have done in life and the mistakes we make...if you will just start to treat other people exactly the way you want to be treated (which should be) with kindness, respect, helpfulness, courtesy, honesty (emphasis on the honesty), dependability...really all the good virtues you can find within yourself, then you WILL develop new friendships. But you must rid yourself of these past relationships which weren't good for you in the first place. Hopefully, you will now attract healthy-minded people to you. As you have now learned workplace relationships are not necessarily a great idea for many reasons. How you present yourself at work and elsewhere is a key factor here. You should present yourself as a very professional employee at work. Leave the guys alone, other than to work professionally with them. If you have been affected by this incident so dramatically...you should really be past this after 10 years. That is a long time. I lost my job in January because the job description changed. I am diabetic and could no longer endure the new physical requirements of the job. It paid great, the hours were great, the location was great and my co-workers were great, but that is life. I grieved about it for about three months, then I moved on. I am still looking for a good job, but the past is the past. I wish you luck. You just have to move on. Think about how much life you have already spent just wrapped up in this incident. I am sorry it happened, but we have to own much of what happens to us in life. Again...good luck to you!

Answer 4

Do you have the confidence or the means to move away?
You need to make a fresh start, away from the people and events that have made your life miserable.
See a councillor, your GP should refer you.
Don`t hide away but try to put some distance from the places and people who upset you.
Try and take up new interests and meet new people.
Above all, believe that people have experienced this before and you are not the only one.
I know that in the anonimity of this medium it seems easy to advise without knowing the whole of the facts. Do you have any family you can turn to ?
Talk to your GP and be guided by him/her.If you are not happy with their answers seek a second opinion.
lol and good luck.

Answer 5

It looks to me that your so-called friends are not really your friends after all. The fact that they would turn against you without giving you a chance to explain your side of the story, is obvious to me that they are never true to you in the first place. Real friends are those who would still stick around even if they disagree with you and/or your choices. I suggest that you seek counselling so that you can control your state of depression and go out, socialise more. Meet new people and I'm sure you will forge new bonds with new friends. This time, be a little more careful and dont be too dependent on them to be happy.
I wish you luck.

Answer 6

I'm not trying to be cruel to you. My intentions are to help you, and I must be honest. You sound like a classic victim. Everyone "bullies" you; your co-workers, your friends, your husband.... We don't often realise, but we actually attract the very type of people that come into our lives. You are attracting bully-type people, because that is what you expect from others. You expect to be bullied, and that makes you a classic victim.

Working on your core issues will help to resolve the reasons why you are attracting these types of people. A good counselor can really help you to come to terms with the issues in your life. Building your self esteem and confidence back is key, to begin attracting healthy people into your life.

Once you expect only the best from others, you start to get it! And those friends will be just what you want and need.

Answer 7

i don't know know if you have heard of Joyce Meyers ministries but she has a web site and many of the things that you have been through she has talked about. There is hope and things like this can begin to turn into the positive. I am not pushing religion on you just a positive and happier life that you can have. She was a abused as a child and had a man who abandoned her and her child and she address thousands of women and men that hope is still here for you .don't worry about those people and the way they have treated you -their are people in this world who do care.

Answer 8

I know how you feel. Although I haven't had a relationship with a work colleague - I was severely bullied at work and as a result had to leave the job I loved. My case was high profile (on the news etc). It left me with anxiety and a feeling of mistrust with people. I thought some of these bullies were my friends - they were so nice to my face but I found out some horrendous things later - it is truely unbelievable what some people are capable of. The problem is there is no guarantee that people will always treat you with respect and not want to hurt you - unfortunately, life just isn't like that and if you are constantly looking for this guarantee, you will always be disappointed.

My advice to you is to be strong, do not make yourself vulnerable to bullies. If someone upsets you or says something offensive to you ask them directly "what you said really upset me, why did you say that" that will show them up and make them answer the question - they won't do it again! Try and be light hearted about things - the one thing that I have learned from my experience is that it's just a job - it isn't worth affecting your health and it isn't worth thinking about outside of office hours. Be cheerful, helpful and show an interest in others - not everyone will like you and you won't like everyone however, in an office environment people should be professional. I have worked with some people I hate but will always be civil and professional with them.

Remember bullies are incredibly weak people, they are so insecure that they need to pick on others to make them feel superior - show them the pity they deserve. Unfortunately, a lot of people will also join in with bullies because they are scared to stand up to them and so even if people actually do like you really, they often join in with the backstabbing and bitching.

Relationship wise, set yourself some objectives - what are you looking for in a relationship etc, if you date a chap who doesn't come up to scratch i.e. show tendancies to bully and control - he is not for you and you must end the relationship. Remember people don't change. Good luck.

Answer 9

I would start over somewhere else. Get a new job. Don't date your co-workers .Confront those who hurt you and tell them how they made you feel.That way you will ease you mind cause at least you didn't take it laying down. It will make you feel better. Don't marry anyone till you feel better about yourself. You have to love yourself before you love someone else. Don't pull someone into your misery. Get counseling.Talk to your spiritual adviser.

Answer 10

I don't really know what it is that you are looking for on here.
we're not some bunch of magicians who can change your life,all we can do is make suggestions and it's up to you what you do with them.
All i can say is,get yourself out and about to places where you can meet people so that you can start building new friendships with people,don't just sit around and mope about.
There's nothing else to say really.

Answer 11

Do you have a Bible?
Jesus will never let you down as a friend!! True joy will fill you up if you give Him a chance. Promise.