Kids ,teenagers ,and even adults being beaten for discipline.?

Question

My mom started to hit me with the belt when I was around 4 years old and it lasted untill I was around 15 or 16 .She also slap me on the face when I was a teen.After that she just grab my hands and shoke me and pretend to come and punch me.My whole life she verbally abused me and she still does it.I`m 22 now.

Her style for hitting me with the belt was hold me with one hand and use the other hand to hit me all over the body with the belt.She would even tell me off while she does it.

I never complain to a social worker because I thought parents could do that.My mom told us that they do it in her country.

My mom`s sister hits her 3 year old everyday for stuff.She also verbally abuse her.I heard her call her stupid once.She hits her because she doesn`t listen.That`s what her mom told me.WHATEVER!.

My family are from the caribbean.Do people think what they do is right? my mom says that the bible said that the parents should beat their kids.

My mom is afraid to hit me now because I`ll hit her back.

Because of her I don`t like to stand near people while they are talking to me thinking that they might hit me so i`ll be ready.I get thought of making her disappear.I`m seeking help as people suggested when I post a question about being scared to go outside and stuff.

What`s spanking exactly? and untill what age does society think its right?
I`m so confuse about the way I got discapline so I don`t really know what spanking is.I don`t think i`ll do any form of punishing that results in hitting my future kids because of what it did to me.It change my whole thinking.

Emil Alexandrescu-Did you really do it? sorry for what happened to you.

suresh Singer-The doctor refer me to a social worker 3 weeks ago.I`m 22 and I think i`m too old for a social worker.They think its wrong too.

They promise to help me with my issues so that is good.

suzzane and debbie thanks for exp what spanking is.Debbie -yah that`s true I might of had respect for my mom if she hadn`t done what she did.And think its safe if I move out now.i these 2 years my anger for her has gotten worst.i`m even thinking about ki...ing I might tell my social worker about this.

story-She lives in another city.I complain in front of her with my mom about my mom hitting me so she try to avoid hitting her kid around me when she came to visit last week.I want to call the social worker but i don`t know how.

debbie-yah I was molested once by a realtive and not by any of my parents I think.

tnsupermomwhit-Thank you

Beautiful-sorry for what happen to you.I heard on tv that a guy was molested by someone then he was put in a boys home and got molested there by allot of guys its as if the enemy tries follow us with our past problems.That`s how you got in an abusive relationship.Its the enemy who did that not you.I hope that makes sence.I meet some people both guy and girl who seem to make a move on me by the way they touch me.

Thanks for the help everyone.My mom and I had an agrument about this form of punishment and I wanted to know what other`s think.

''Don`t spoil the child''......The bible always have words that we must find out what the meaning is.And He might not be talking about spanking.I didn`t even hear that in the 10 commandments.

Its hard to choose the best answers.People like J.k ,frankand,beautiful,and some others have give really good responses i`ll let the other people vote .I also gave everyone a point.Sorry for the long post.

Answer 1

Wow! Yes. I get your confusion.

Spanking is understood to be a slapping a child's backside with an open, bare hand...not hard enough to leave marks...just enough to warm it up a bit :-)

My father was beaten with a belt when he was growing up and swore he'd never lay a hand on his children...thank goodness, he stuck to it! And I turned out okay as did my brother.

That being said, I don't agree with ever hitting a child. If you have to resort to hitting, it's because you're frustrated and angry, and all you're teach your child is it's okay to be violent and hurt others, as long as you're in a position of power or authority over them. And that's usually what beatings are about...not really teaching respect or good behaviour but teaching that you have more power than they do.

It's degrading, humiliating and wrong.

My daughter is 12 and I've never spanked her.

I remember slapping her in the face once when she was small for spitting in my face. It was a reflex action and I was horrified at myself! And she was just as horrified. I've never done it since.

I think it's always best to make clear you're NOT happy with their behaviour or you're concerned for their safety but, it's best NOT to handle it in the heat of the moment, it's better to address it when things cool down. You can make clear this will be dealt with, after you cool down and can think clearly.

I lose my temper and tend to yell, but I never insult her or direct my comments to her as a person, just the behaviour and why it's upsetting to me: usually issues of respect or safety. Still...waiting until everyone calms down is always a better idea.

Remember the point is to teach them the right way to act...not to teach them to fear and avoid you and hide things from you. You want to keep communication open and build respect through communicating.

Answer 2

First of all there is a huge big controversy in this country about spanking. Spanking is defined as A slap or a series of slaps on the buttocks. To slap on the buttocks with the open hand. This is defined in the Webster's Illustrated Dictionary. I can tell you from my own personal experience that my Father did spank me with the belt, on the buttocks. However, it was just that spanking. He didn't leave welts on me or bruises. He also didn't verbally abuse me. It was merely a form of discipline for when I lied to him or did things I wasn't obviously suppose to do. Looking back I don't have regrets that he used this form of discipline as he didn't do it in an abusive way. However, a lot of people believe in no spanking. Instead to use alternative discipline like time outs and the such. There is an absolute difference between spanking and abuse. You are describing abuse plain and simple. Please do not hit your parents back. This will only escalate the problem and it's telling your self it is also o.k. to be abusive. As it is never o.k. to be abusive. Get help immediately.

Answer 3

There was that day I overcame all my fears, when my mother hited me with a stick and I hited her back, with all my rage; one fist puted her to sleep for a long while.
After coming home, my father - being told, of course - beatted me as if I was some Schnitzel or so. But, well, it was late, so they both went to sleep, which was a big mistake; they forgot that I couldn't sleep. :D
Cutting the long story short, I cutted their necks deeply with the biggest kitchen knife I could find and now I am free again - since a long time - and have no fears: I always can do the right thing; nothing can be more ugly than what I already did a long time ago, in my teens!

Freedom is something one must take, not wait to be offered!

Answer 4

It isn't right. And the Bible does not say parents should beat their kids. It does say, spare the rod, spoil the child. But that is in there with a whole bunch of other parenting advice that is given. I do think an OCCASIONAL spanking is ok, but it can't be the only form of punishment. I think your mom's sister needs to be taught how to discipline her children with out making them hate her.

Answer 5

a little spanking for discipline reason is , ok,I'm talking a little smack on the butt,not a beating!shame on those parents who beat and verbally abuse there kids, they should get there own-medicine back in return!my parents never ever even spanked me, they you know spoke loudly when did something wrong as a little one, i grew up to respect my parents, how can you respect someone who beats and be be littles you?i as a parent, a single parent of 2, never really spanked my children either, i just let them-no who the boss was and they respected me for it-you learn what your taught, so if you were beat,abused,molested you will soon be the abuser with your own kids, unless you seek help.someone help the children, they really need us now a days days

Answer 6

Hie Sweet. Well to me it is bad your mom to hit you and when you are in a early age, when this happen it is bad for you to have bitten at this age because, although your mom is caribbean and she should not do so, this is equaling yourself as a child abuse and when this happen it is something bad for the future of yours, although you are at the age of a major, and she still can't follow on how they used it in their country, it is bad also for her to do so and when she does this you can have the rights to complain to a social worker and maybe from there they can advice your mom on how bad on hitting a child. There is no such sentence in a bible saying that to hit the children but it says that to love, forgive and forget is the best way to treat the children, and when a mom hits the children they have the rights until to a certain age only and not the whole life of the children, she can't follow what her sister does and this is something bad for her sister too, it is good that you like to join and go out with friends but is it better for you to try to forget on what is your mom doing in the house and it is better for you to go close to your friend and it is something good to be closer to them, and it is good for you to go and complain to the social worker instead of you leaving it just like that which is bad enough for her to show her temper to you. Try this and hope it might help you............................

ALL THE BEST...............................

Answer 7

yes that is abuse and so is what your relative is going through also. yes they can take the child away for that. in helping someone to learn you can spank. that is bending them over your knee and spanking them with one hand which lands on your butt. that is one way. but there is also another form which to me works also. they call it Time Out. you put the child in the corner and say time out. they stay there till they stop crying or whatever they are doing mean. it really works and kids hate it. but its far better then hitting yelling and getting all worked up. so try that. but i am sorry you went through this and now have problems i am very sorry for you.

Answer 8

Getting help is good. The verbal and physical abuse is destroying that little girl. I was abused verbally and I was suicidal for a while then I went to cutting myself. I just stopped. I was abused physical too. When I started dating I was in an abusive relationship because I thought it was normal and okay cause it was done to me growing up. I was blessed to find someone years later who treats me good but because of that long stream of abuse I trust no one and I'll be like that for rest of my life. It is not good and in America they can be locked up for it. Who's to say that little girls case won't be as bad as mine or it won't be worse. And the cycle can start and continue if someone doesn't do something about it. Get that girl out of that type of environment before she ends up like you or me or worse.

Answer 9

there is a difference between spanking and beating i believe in spanking my children but i would never talk down to them u should wait til ur not mad anymore or u could easily get out of control which sounds like what happens in ur family and YES its does say to 'beat' ur child in the bible (Proverbs 23:13-14)but it actually means spank

Answer 10

I don't think thats no form of punishment thats just simply abuse especially when you start to verbally abuse a child thats even worser because verbally abusing a child can cause self-esteem problems and even scar them for life