I think I hate my husband????????

Question

can this actually happen after many years of marriage and kids?
I honestly think I may be beginning to hate him, I hate when it's time for him to come home.......
I can't stand to look at his face.......
I dread bedtime...........
I'm just so tired of his anger, his outbursts, his accusations and his complete control of my life etc........
How do I explain all this to the kids?

I have suggested counselling.........
He has seen a doctor but it did not help

Answer 1

Niki, I have found truth to be in that old adage, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Have you considered a trial separation? Maybe even extended vacations, taken separately?

It sounds like you are just sick of him, and he may be getting a little tired of you. I think the kids and everyone might benefit by this. And it is surely better than the irrevocable finality of a divorce.

Think about it. You may find yourself at Yosemite wondering how he is, and he is staring morosely at Niagra Falls, considering all that he is about to lose. And the next thing you know, voila!

Adages become adages because of their inherent truths. This one might be what saves your family for you. It might save you all.

Answer 2

Nikki,
I gave this answer to another here, but it seems to apply to you also.. Though there are a lot of unanswered questions.
One big one... What has happened to change things?

In the past I would’ve said the only true grounds for divorce were infidelity, and abuse.
The bases/corner stones for any good relationship are HONESTY, LOYALTY, TRUST, and COMMUNICATION. In theory its supposed to be 50/50. It doesn’t always work out that way.
Sometimes its 60/40 70/30 but it’s a back n fourth thing not one sided.

To truly change he will have to get into counseling to find the real problem. That won’t work though if he isn’t doing it for himself.
There is a saying among counselors. “If you can get to the husband you can save the marriage”

In the end honey. My advice; If he has always been verbally abusive RUN! It can get worse.

Answer 3

Your husband going to counseling alone isn't going to solve the problem. You need to go together and discuss the issues. Why he does it, what his triggers are, and what you may be doing to contribute to the situation. I'm not saying it is your fault but the first thing to go when there is a problem is the communication. The fact that you say you hate him tells me you still have feelings. The opposite of love is actually indifference. If you had said you just don't give a damn that would be another story. You and he need to take the time to see if you can resolve these issues together. If not it may be time to separate. As to the kids, they don't need details. They already know you are having problems. Answer any questions honestly but don't go into detail and don't badmouth their father to them. That's just another way off putting the problems off on them and putting them in the middle.

Answer 4

How old are the kids? If they are young I wouldnt tell them how you feel about their father, they would probably resent you.
It is a sad thing to hear when someone is so unhappy in their marriage. If you have felt like this for months I would see a therapist if you can afford to. If it has only been a month or so maybe it is a phase and will pass. There should be a reason you were happy for years before this...or were you?
I hope you get any answers you need and can fix your situation.
Best of luck sweetie.

Answer 5

This statement is what drives me to be a better man! I lost my wife to an illness 3 1/2 years ago and I now take care of my two young sons, and every time I date I keep this in the back of my mind. For some reason it scares me to death, I want romance, and passion, and all that stuff about "can't wait to get home" I had that once and will again. I'm sorry you are going through this, his over control of you is a big sign of insecurity. Hang in there>>email me with more details if you don't mind. Good Luck

Answer 6

Yes it is possible, but its not really 'hated' it's resentment. Early into my marriage I felt the same. He was hateful, so I was hateful, he didn't feed my soul, so I quit feeding his. He ended up having affairs and we divorced. So, the moral of the story, is try counseling for the kids sake. Trust me, divorce is hard on kids, but so is having unhappy parents. I met someone months into my divorce and remembered what its like to have that best friend, someone you can't wait to see again & again. After 3 years now, my ex seems like a stranger. Maybe you never loved your husband. Give it some thought. The right answer will come to you if you pray and get some professional help.

Answer 7

you don't have to explain that to your kids. if you guys end up splitting up, all you have to tell your kids is that mommy and daddy just don't get along, and that you are not happy with eachother. not to be rude, but you don't have to explain to them that you "hate to look at him", and "hate it when he comes home" because that will do is just raise too many questions that will have answers they may not like. whatever you do, don't make your kids hate him too.
and by the sounds of things, if you are that unhappy you should leave. don't go through life spending it with someone you don't like. my parents did that. they stayed together because of us..(their kids) because they thought we were too young. when really they should have split up before we were old enough to know what was going on. it was a lot harder on us this way. but in the long run, i'm glad they are apart. they never got a long, and we always had to listen to it.

Answer 8

That would have to be hard being around someone moody all of the time. You should talk to him and tell him that his mood swings are really affecting your marriage. Try marriage counseling if he doesn't change you might have to suggest a seperation from him. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Answer 9

I've been there and has gotten past it. You both have to be willing. But only you know what truly goes on in your home. You know when enough is enough. I know it's hard to make such decisions when children are involved. Take the proper steps in making a permanent decision such as divorce. That way you have done all you could have to resolve things.

Answer 10

You don't have to explain this to the kids they already know. I would get out now because this didn't happen overnight. I used to get almost sick when my husband came home and I was trying to get away from him.And I always was stupid because I thought that why people divorced was the cheating factor..but with us it was not at all....He called me names, cooking for him was NEVER good enough, even if I followed the recipe. His mother would take 5-6 hours to make a five course delicious meal and he would rudely pick it apart...He shopped at Macy's why me and his only son went to Walmart..what a BASTARD...get out and find yourself as my only fault was not getting out sooner....Yes, you do hate him and soon you'll hate yourself for staying.