Did you listen to anyone?
Did you wait till your life was messed up and your spouse left?
How old were you?
2007-07-18 08:29:44 · 10 answers · asked by kishoti 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I haven't had a drinking problem, but I grew up with an alcoholic parent. In the process of becoming an adult I educated myself about addiction and sought councelling to better understand it and the role it played in my life.
What you're getting as is "how do I get my husband/boyfriend/loved one to give up drinking?" - or how to get through to them.
Unfortunately there is no way for YOU to get through to them. Most addicts - no matter what form it comes in - have to reach what is called "rock bottom", and for every person it is different. Nothing you say or do can change an addict, because the addiction has nothing to do with you at all. Oftentimes it has nothing to do with anything external at all. There's new evidence that addiction is actually rooted in brain chemistry, and is usually instigated by emotional issues.
Some helpful things to keep in mind:
The addict truly does not have control. They don't do what they do to hurt you, and they probably love you very much. Addiction exists outside of love. DO NOT MAKE THIS ABOUT YOU. Forcing the "Me vs. the booze" argument never works.
However, if you feel your quality of life is diminished to the point that you can no longer wait for the addict in your life to reach their epiphany (and unfortunately, you may be waiting for a long, long time - possibly forever), there is no guilt to be had in leaving the situation to find better for yourself. It's one of the most painful things to do, but is sometimes necessary, especially if the addict shows absolutely no interest in getting help for themself.
You can't make someone else change; don't get into the vicious cycle of trying. It's emotionally draining for everyone involved and does no good whatsoever.
Good luck. Check out Al-Alon for more info.
2007-07-18 09:00:02 · answer #1 · answered by Courtney 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally do not, but I've been around and heard the testimonies of those who have and everyone has a different breaking point - - some it can be losing their wife and kids, others it's losing your home and having to sleep under a bridge, for some it's losing your job. . so everyone's "bottom" is different. But unfortunately, most lose people or things that are important to them and have had so many chances, that by the time they realize it's a huge problem and have no other recourse but to try to get sober, everything they loved is long gone.
2007-07-18 08:38:06 · answer #2 · answered by Cris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most folks wait till they hit bottom before making adjustments. Some people never give it up. Functional alcoholism is very common. My father just gave it up between one day and the next. He wrecked a couple of cars and almost lost his marriage. After 10 years he went back to drinking lightly. I have never heard of THAT before.
2007-07-18 08:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.
Yes.
29.
Usually there must be some event to gain a "moment of clarity". Nobody else can predict when, where or even if this will happen.
If you're the one with a drink problem, check out some recovery resources.
If someone you're close to has a problem, check out Alanon.
2007-07-18 08:40:08 · answer #4 · answered by Ian S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After drinking and driving many many times, I finally caught the end of a curb and bent my car's rim (newer car, my BABY)
I realized what I had become. I stopped drinking that next day. I stayed clean for over four months. Now I never have more than three drinks in one day, and I never drink and drive.
And no, you cannot change him, he must want to stop.
I was in my early 30s.
GOOD LUCK, email me if you need more info :) Drinking is a bad, bad demon that chased me for many years. I am finally at the point in my life that I have control over it :)
2007-07-18 08:35:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
never had a drinking problem, but if you have a problem I would say confiding in someone that has been down that road before is sure to help you out and it gives you a support system
2007-07-18 08:38:24 · answer #6 · answered by mom of 3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wasnt a drunk, but i was an addict. I didnt listen to anyone, i didnt care enough to listen to my significant other, or my parents or siblings. the only thing was myself. I had to figure it out for myself. But unfortunantly some people never do. And i would rather not say how old i was, i was rather young.
2007-07-18 08:33:58 · answer #7 · answered by Andrea B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive had many "bad" habbits and i quit all of them no amount of talking can change it the whole intervention will never work, you can only quit when your ready and never a second sooner, if you need profesional help to quit your not ready to quit and it wont last long if you do
2007-07-18 08:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by eyesinthedrk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have one, but I like my drinking problem!
2007-07-18 08:32:53 · answer #9 · answered by i know it all! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never
2007-07-18 08:32:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋