I've known "Mike" over half my life and have always had feelings for him. When we were younger, I kinda dumped him because I was young and immature. I got married young..had kids and regretted my marriage. My marriage ended in a nasty divorce. I've seen Mike throughout the years off and on and everytime I would just be like a school girl...get all flustered and not know what to say. I feel like fate keeps bringing him into my life. I saw him 3 months ago and we talked and I casually gave him my number. Since then, we've talked almost every day and he has even talked about leaving his wife. She treats him badly & blows money like crazy. They don't have any kids but I still feel badly as if I am wrecking the marriage. The main problem is he hasn't left yet and I'm not so sure now that he is going to even though he says many times that he is. What should I do? I love him but I feel as if I'm being taken for a ride. BTW I have told him that I will NOT sleep with him until he is DIVORCED!!
2007-07-18 07:59:29 · 38 answers · asked by eeyore1990_39437 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BTW: I didn't know he was married until AFTER I gave him my number. I don't want to wreck the marriage and am not trying to talk him into leaving...he's the one who mentioned it!! I do believe that I am getting only 1 side of the story, but then again, I am not going to ask his wife because I know that will cause more problems that they are already "supposedly" having. I just wanted to be a friend who listened, but I feel like someone said that I am being a "crutch". I think the best thing I can do is stop talking to him all together & see if he really leaves her. I don't want to feel as if I swayed his decision. Oh and one other thing...I was NOT "looking for a man" not a married one nor an unmarried one!! Even if he does leave his wife, there's no guarantee that I'll be with him anyway.
2007-07-18 08:47:35 · update #1
You are beign taken for a ride, if he wanted to leave her he would of done so already especially when there is no kids involved. He wants his cake and eat to. What makes you think what he is telling you the truth no man will stay with a women who treat him that badly. For all you know she may be the sweatest person and he is only using you. There is two sides to a marriage. You are wise not to sleep with him. forget about Mike move on with your life.
2007-07-18 08:07:56 · answer #1 · answered by beliz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The least of your worries should be whether or not you think you’re a home wrecker. If he gets a divorce it’s because of his own doing not yours. Don’t take on his responsibility, if he’s not speaking to you he would find another outlet to channel his marital problems. What you need to be looking at is the reason why you’re feeling attracted to an unavailable guy. If you think it’s because you love him and you always have since you’ve been young and you even kick yourself for dumping him, I suggest you think again. You dumped him because he wasn’t the right guy for you and he probably still isn’t. You can only remember the good stuff and want to believe that you made the biggest mistake of your life but that’s because it’s easy to remember the good and to blame ourselves for our unhappiness now. You need to ask yourself why are you wasting your energy on this complicated situation instead of having the courage to look at your situation and become ready for an open available situation.
Speaking to him, waiting for his phone calls. Repeating your talks all day is just a distraction from what’s really going on. You want to have a real relationship but are lacking in confidence. He is someone you already know (you don’t need to put the effort) and he’s unavailable so it’s not really going to happen anytime soon.
Even if you don’t think you have the energy or desire to break it off. Don’t but date somebody else in the meantime. You will meet the right person if you give yourself the chance and you will let go of this fantasy.
2007-07-18 08:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by Simplicity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every married man looking to score some on the side says his wife treats him badly, be careful you could just end up being a booty call.
And if what mike says is true, leave him alone until he leaves his wife. No need to push him out of the relationship with his wife, she will push him out if it is that bad.
Every situation I have seen anybody get into like this ends up with the single girl getting laid by the married man, then strung around for a while, then the single girl finally realizes he's not leaving his wife and he was using her,
Best to stay out of it. Why did you give him your number in the first place unless you had intention of leading him away from his wife?
2007-07-18 08:05:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
just because your marriage didn't work, don't ruin his. He'll stay after you until you do sleep with him, and then, I can promise you, he'll call "when he can". He's feeding you a line about leaving his wife. Esp w/ no kids? If he REALLY loved you, he'd drop everything he has to be with you. You're right, he's taking you for a ride that isn't going to end. Why don't you ask his WIFE if he's mentioned leaving? That will get the ball rolling. Don't be a homewrecker. You kinda dumped him when you were younger? He's always gonna be around for any leftovers or 2nds. Get real.
2007-07-18 08:27:15 · answer #4 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The only sensible thing you've said came at the end.. you won't sleep with him until he's divorced. However, he's already cheating on her - emotionally. Ask yourself, if he's so unhappy why hasn't he divorced her yet? What, let me guess "you gave him the reason to open his eyes, see that he's unhappy and he's just been waiting for someone like you to have a reason to leave". Please. This is the classic lie - men always claim to be unhappy, she's "crazy" a bad wife, etc. If he's that unhappy and hasn't had the balls to leave her, why do you think he'll leave now? For you? Then what happens when he leaves you for the next "Great love"? What goes around comes around. Trust me on that.
2007-07-18 08:07:05 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think Mike is being cautious, and perhaps ambivalent. It's not easy to end a long term relationship even if it is a bad one. So far you've done nothing wrong in an ethical sense. You woluld be within normal bounds to ask him to make a decision soon. Leaving his wife is his choice, and his responsibility, meaning that you aren't responsible for his wife's future feelings. With no children involved, the situation is much less messy than it could be.
2007-07-18 08:08:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
GET OVER IT. Don't be THAT woman. Like someone already said, if his marriage is that bad he would have divorced her a long time ago. You will be wrecking their marriage if you don't walk away now. Do you know how many of the "other" women are waiting for men to leave their wives? Too many, it's sad. Thank goodness you haven't slept with him. I don't understand women like you. Just because your marriage didn't work out, don't ruin someone else's!
2007-07-18 08:11:41 · answer #7 · answered by Jessica H 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Would you love him if both of you were available? It sounds like "the grass is greener" syndrome. You dumped him when you could have him, but want him when it's taboo. Of course he says his wife treats him badly. Is he going to tell you how GREAT she is??? If you really feel sincere love for him, and it's mutual and has the potential to be a truly healthy (unlikely given the circumstances, but not impossible) relationship in the future, stop all communication with him now and wait to hear from him when he's completely divorced and available. Give your love a shot then.
2007-07-18 08:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by elkhartz 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I understand exactly what you are going through and I don't blame you for holding off until he is divorced... I woudln't wanna share alll that with her anyway.. But I would let him know that he can't have the cake and eat it too.. I would set a time of when he needs to be out of that marriage otherwise he will keep dragging you on with him just because he can. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-07-18 08:23:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are what we in England would call a "c*ck tease". The fact you've even discussed the option of sex means you're using sex, or denial of sex, as a form of control. In a way that's worse than actually having sex, because it's abusive and puts you in a position of being all morally superior later when you'd have no right to be. I can just hear the later discussion, "I refused to have sex with you until after you divorced, so it certainly wasn't my fault".
This is going to be blunt, but as I don't even want to be considered for your vote as "best answer" on this one... Do the guy a favour and leave him alone. Stop pretending to be his emotional leaning-post. If his marriage is to have a chance he needs decent people to talk to not some manipulative b*tch.
2007-07-18 08:23:15 · answer #10 · answered by Ian S 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋