I had an affair with a co-work on the west coast. Her husband found out about it and crap hit the fan. I was relocated to the east coast with a pay cut. Now I have been layed off and am trying to find a job back on the West Coast. My wife is upset with me for trying to move back their. How do I explain to her that it a better place because of money, career and just overall work?
2007-07-18 07:32:07 · 27 answers · asked by clive_beaumont_1957 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can never explain this to her. She will most likely never believe you whole hearted ever again. She may say she believes you at some point in time but she will in turn also be lying to you. You screwed up! And the woman who you had an affair with, who you may have had some connection to has no self worth and was easily degraded by you even more. I feel sorry for your wife. Give her my blessings
2007-07-18 07:39:28 · answer #1 · answered by ~brigit~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being that your assessment that the west coast is necessarily a better place to work is faulty and biased, I'd have to say that your wife has a good point. Either way, if you DO move back, do NOT move anywhere near the person you had the affair with if you don't want to get your butt kicked by a jealous husband and wind up divorced. I don't think you are really in a position to negotiate. Better make the wife happy and stay where you are at. You took a chance and lost. Now it is time to be a grown-up about it and deal with the consequences. Sorry!
2007-07-18 07:35:34 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about the crap-smeared fan.
1. Do what you want. You have shown that you will do what you want. The wife is already upset with you, you can't change that.
2. Be clear about your reasons for moving to the west coast. If it is indeed for more money and career enhancement, then do what you think is best.
3. Be honest. If you have an unspoken agenda of perhaps reuniting with Mrs. Cheater, then your wife can probably smell that. And that’s why she is upset.
2007-07-18 07:42:10 · answer #3 · answered by teacup_trashy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the West Coast has quite a long coastline, maybe you can choose a different city? Have you convinced her you've changed and you are not doing it to meet "the other woman"?
You do know that because you had the affair, you threw your wife's life upside down, don't you? You can't fault her for questioning some of those motives. Good luck.
2007-07-18 09:10:23 · answer #4 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let your wife know that you have no intentions what so ever of hurting her anymore.. tell her that you are going to get back on your feet and get things straightened out. The first step to do that is go where the money is and thats the west. Exp. to her that in the East there is no where that offers good jobs or good money to get the things back up and running again..
after you talk to her, tell her how sorry you are
you really should be faithful to your wife, it probably hurt her a lot.. but good luck with everything
communication is the key!
2007-07-18 07:37:22 · answer #5 · answered by Kandoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Respect her feelings if you care anything about what's left of the marriage. If she knows of the affair and if she does your really lucky she's still with you.There's always going to be mistrust because of that no matter how much time goes by. Also if you have children that might be the only reason why she is still there so it won't breakup the home.And if that's the case she can really care less about it. Cause when they are grown she'll be gone. But you can't blame her.But maybe things will work out for the both of you.
2007-07-18 09:04:25 · answer #6 · answered by alnaturalangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really messed up she should beat you *** but lets be reasonable here what I can say and I say this out of concern for you and her relationship Buy her something very expensive something she really wanted drop it off at her house or mail it if she doesn't want to talk to you write a 2 to 3 page letter pouring your heart out seriously because if you love her you really don't wont to lose her Be sure to include these words in the letter exact "Without out you baby there is no me" and "you make me complete" If this doesn't work and she won't take you back the relationship is not meant to be you really messed up Good luck to you man!! Remember it is better have love than to never love at all!! P.S. sometime "Time" is what she needs and sometimes "Time" can be the answer.
2007-07-18 07:45:32 · answer #7 · answered by $$ Chris $$ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for your wife. She is probably still upset with you about the affair and maybe a little insecure. You will have give her a lot of reassurance that you won't stray again. Try to see her side of things-especially if she is moving around with you, she has had to put up with a lot of crap.
2007-07-18 07:39:04 · answer #8 · answered by DizzyM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what you need to do. A job with a good salary is important. If it's really the way you say it is then she'll realize it too , with time. You have broken her heart and lost her trust in you. It will take time for her to recover. It's good that you 2 are still together - that's a positive - you're very lucky to have her still. Mistakes happen, just don't let it happen again.
2007-07-18 07:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So your wife does not know about the affair? Are you moving back to the where the affair happened, so she could possibly find out?
2007-07-18 07:35:09 · answer #10 · answered by Proud AP! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋