Why are men so irresponsible?

Question

Forget housework, i would like to know why men are so irresponsible with money, bills, business, security. My idiot fiance constantly overdraws his account. he is 35 years old and He never remembers to lock the doors to our house and has on several occasions left the door open while me and/or his daughter are asleep upstairs. He wastes big amounts of money on stupid stuff that he could easily get cheaper and he never pays the bills on time, even when i have written out step by step what to pay, how much to pay and when to pay it. I have to do all the "man" stuff and all my "woman" stuff too. He is late to every single place he goes. FURTHER, and the most irritating part, is that he wont admit any of this. he constantly tries to "explain" why the account is overdrawn again or why he forgot to lock the doors or how he's late to work or class, AGAIN, bcuz of traffic. and worst! i keep hearing tons of women say the same thing about their men so i cant even trade him in! arggggg!!

ok. so most of you said what i would say. if you take it dont complain. i totally agree, but now tell me if these factors make a difference. He is full time college (medicine), full time military, and has a part time job. (i am full time work and full time college(masters)) he does all the dishes (i do the laundry), he kills any bugs that wonder in the house, he gives me back rubs almost every night, he's phenomenal in the boudoir :-), he sings like barry white/teddy pendergrass, his goal is to work with dr's without borders in 3rd world countries and do facial reconstruction for children with disfigured faces (for real, im not making that up) and he writes me amazing poetry. so do yall think that evens it out a little or is the other stuff just to much crap to deal with.

Answer 1

Men aren't irresponsible. The man YOU PICKED is. Sounds like your guy is a loser, but you picked him, so who's the irresponsible one?
My husband would kill himself before he stooped to the low level behavior of your boyfriend.

Answer 2

I am a man and since getting married 21 years ago, my checkbook has never been overdrawn. I am quite frugal with my money -- usually I want to buy the cheapest thing I can get for what I need, and it is my wife who reminds me that it's better to spend a little more and get better quality. Every night before bed, if I'm the last one up, I check the door locks, turn off the computer, turn off all the lights, and check on my two daughters.

That said, I do confess that I'm not perfect. We have been late on some bills over the years, but it's quite rare. Our phone or electricity has never been shut off or anything. Once in awhile, we spend money on something we never use (my wife's guitar would be a good example). And, I'm sure I may have left a door unlocked on occasion.

Are you sure you're not exaggerating at least your reaction? Are you allowing your fiance to reap the consequences of his financial decisions? When he's late, have you ever gone on without him and told him pleasantly by phone, "We left without you; meet us there when you arrive." As for the door locks, all I can suggest is buying the kind that stay locked all the time and you always have to use a key to get in -- like they have in a lot of apartment buildings. It seems to me like there are ways you can stop worrying about all the things you mention, thereby relieving yourself of most of your stress.

Answer 3

So he has a daughter.....

Hmmmmmm.... sounds like you're headed towards a family with two kids (the daughter and him) and one adult (you).

Hate to correct you - but there are PLENTY of responsible men out there. The trick is finding one that is availible.

Also, take a look in the mirror and see what you're bringing to the table. I'm sure you're a good person, but you must have something in your personality that continues to attract this type of "man" (I use that term loosely w/ a 35y/o that acts like that) to you. You should also examine the friends you choose if, "i keep hearing tons of women say the same thing about their men so i cant even trade him in! arggggg!!" is the way the majority of your friend's relationships work as well.

Answer 4

Sorry hun, but not all men are like that. My husband balances his checkbook to the penney, pays all his bills on time, and though I'm in charge of our joint account (we each have our own individual accounts and then one for joint expenses - that way we each have our "own" money that the other has no say in how its spent), I never have to remind him of when it's time for us to contribute our twice-a-month share. We share the responsibility of the banking.

Your fiance (and wow - are you sure you want to go through with this?) sounds really immature, and you're not helping things by mothering him. A grown man of 35 should not need to have lists made out for him instructing him how to handle his own finances. Nor should he be leaving doors unlocked or consistently late for work. He sounds - no offense - like a loser. The frustration won't end when you're married, and YES, you CAN find someone who isn't an absolute child. Good men are out there if you're willing to have some standards and respect for yourself.


Just read your edits: why are you complaining? Either accept the man or don't, but don't come online making him out to be a complete schlepp and then change your tune as soon as people start giving it to you straight. Seriously, grow up!!

Answer 5

Not all men are like that. In our marriage I cook, clean, do laundry, floors, dust, home school, pay bills, and even put the toilet seat down. Yes, it sounds weird but it's the way I am. I cannot stand chaos and in our house we have complete order. It works great if repetition is a constant. And yes, I am a man. My grandmother and the military got me into putting toilet seats down and maintaining order. I wouldn't have it any other way. But, far from perfect I am not. I am open-minded and bow to no one. I take no crap from anyone whether they be friends or relatives. I have very few friends because of the toilet seat rule and it's their problem, not mine.
My wife and children are the entire reason that we have order and for their kindness, understanding, and compassion, I owe them everything. Without them, I am nothing.

Answer 6

That's funny my wife is the equally stupid with money. I constantly balance the accts and make sure nothing bounces. I found it easier to handle all the bills than give it to my wife. If we would follow her plan she would spend all the money on a shopping trip and never pay the bills. I don't think you can blame just men for being irresponsible, its all dependent on how they were raised to handle money and sadly not many people were taught anything about working within a budget.

Answer 7

It may come as a shock but some of us are responsible with finances AND housework. My wife and I have split up the duties and when there is work to do we just "get it done" either together or when we have time.

Just because your man is a slacker with no financial sense doesn't mean you can't find someone who is.

Answer 8

Well i can understand where you are coming from. It may come as a shock but some of us are responsible with fianances and housework. some men even love it. I know it do. i love being able to juggle the two for my wife, so that she can focus on loving me good. im sorry, that may apply for your man or men that your friends have, but not all men are like that. your man may just be lazy, or it can do with his maturity level. u need to find some one else that will cater to you, if he cant keep up his job.

Answer 9

I'm sure all men aren't that bad...the men you're looking for are probably an endangered species so you don't meet them a lot...

Answer 10

Methinks it is you who is the stupid one. Here he is with a woman who is willing to put up with all this and do it for him. If he really makes you that angry, leave!

Answer 11

He is a man. Thats your problem. When he screws up just think of the good stuff and not the bad. Yes, It gets aggitating but you know you still love him even though he does so many stupid things.