I've noticed that divorced women seem a bit jaded at times>>is it just me?

Question

My wife died over three years ago and for the first two years I just focused on my two young sons. After being in the real world of dating again, and having some crazy nights out(if you know what I mean...lol) I've seemed to notice that "most" and I say again "most" divorced women seem a bit jaded when it comes to men. I hear the statement "you are to good to be true" and all men are dogs routine alot. Look, I know it hurts for a while when things don't work, and the anger can linger. But for the most part do you women really think that all men are the same. I was happy when I married and was till the day I lost her. Death changed me, I want to live everyday with a smile and romance and passion. Negativity is like a cancer...it spreads. My question>> Do you feel that divorce really affects women to a point of sceptisism above reality? And even romance and honesty will never shake their fears away? Just a thought.

Answer 1

I was a widow at 25, divorced at 35. So I’m coming from both perspectives. I do not have a jaded outlook toward men, that they are all dogs, etc. But I do have a very jaded outlook toward love and romance. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not really sure that the idea of two people together forever is really logical or reasonable. I enjoy the company of the men in my life but I know I can only depend on myself for both present and future happiness. I've learned that people are in our lives only for a season, and I plan to just sit back and enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts, knowing that like all good things, it will come to an end someday. Some people might interpret that to say I am negative but on the contrary, I feel very positive for the first time in my life.

Answer 2

Read the question I've posted. I've been divorced twice. I'm not afraid of doing it again. But it seems that all the guys want just sex. Period. I've gone out with a few that didn't even pay, showed up late, then after the movie, asked me in the parking lot to go to a "by the hour" motel! When I said no, he asked if I would give him a bj in the back seat of his car! We worked at the same company, different shifts. We talked about everything on the phone before we went out. He knew totally that I was not that kind of person! And still he had the gall to do this. This was the 6th guy in a year and a half that I have gone out with. Yes, I am very jaded at this point. I WANT to believe them when they say they are 'sincere' etc. But after all those experiences, it's hard. I'm sorry you lost your wife. You sound like a great guy just asking this question. I was not jaded after my divorces. What doesn't work out, just doesn't work out. But after those guys how can I not feel jaded? I refuse to lower my standards because they are not unreasonable. I want honesty, truthfulness, love, exclusiveness, faithfulness, stability, no violence. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Answer 3

I think that some women, depending on how bad the divorce is can be quite bitter for a long time. Unfortunately some stay that way. But i also believe that they will change there minds when they meet the right person. They might be skeptical at first but most women are a sucker for romance. You sound like a wonderful man and I'm very sorry to hear about your wife. I hope you find someone special that isn't so negative about life.

Answer 4

You seem to be a rare breed. Divorce did affect me - not so much - I still was willing to try. But I guess I keep attracting or chosing the wrong kind of men because I always seem to find the type that take and do not want to give. I am a very down to earth and loving person, I just ask for that back. I never got it - so I find myself being very jaded towards men. Cynical and just waiting for them to show their "true" man colors. It is not a great way to live and I hate it because I do not go out much. I am an attractive woman with a lot to offer but I am afraid at this point to have to go thru any more garbage.

Answer 5

I think it takes women (most women) much more time to move past the pain of a divorce. I have an aunt who just got remarried 2 weeks ago after being divorced for 10+ years. She finally stopped talking bad about her ex JUST 6 MONTHS AGO !!!!

I swear everyone in my family thought she was crazy and she had pretty much alienated herself from her extended family because everyone was sick of listening to her b*tch about her ex-husband. She finally has seemed to move past it - however, it was only after she found the guy she has now married. I'm not sure what that says about their relationship.

I don't know -

But - YES - there seems to be an overabundance of jaded women out there. Instead of being glad they got away from a losser, they seem to hold on to the hurt - and in many cases it affects (negatively) their future relationships.

My only advice would be to run like h*ll when you encounter these type of people (whether female or male). You are correct that negativity is like a cancer. Some people move through life being SO busy being mad / angry / frusrated that they never have the energy or time to notice the good in the people around them.

I feel sorry for people like that, but I stay away. You can't "fix" them, they have to want to change and until they do, they'll only attempt to drag you down into their personal missery.

Answer 6

Its true. You go in stupid and blind and come out bitter and jaded.

I won't even bother getting married EVER again. I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with but not doing the official thing...too much money.

I'm less prone to believe the mushy stuff and am looking for more than good looks and nice conversation. Do you have a job, can you pay your own bills, are you the jealous type and I don't have the patience to play games. If all you want is sex just say it and deal with the f-ing outcome.

Thankfully I've found a guy who is twice divorce so I know he won't ask me to wed, very honest, doesn't play games, and is financially independent. Not to mention a wonderful dad.

It takes time to relax, and if those women you meet are repeating old patterns then they will be bitter for a long long time.

Answer 7

I believe change can happen with the right man. But for the most part yeah, if you've made several mistakes with choosing the wrong kind of man it can jade you, because you don't want to do it again. I'm almost 2 years out of an abusive marriage and still sometimes I can't believe how screwed up I was the verbal and mental abuse really did a number on me. I don't think for one instant that all guys are like that but usually the ones that are attracted to me and ask me out are the ones who are. As unfortunate as it is, its true. So I haven't even taken a chance with anyone who may be looking for a relationship.

Answer 8

Most divorces are initiated by women and most have been burned by someone. Some rather severely. That they are out there and trying is a great thing. You have to realize that some have not had a man be nice to them for a very long time. You should be happy to hear that you are good to be true - it is a HUGE compliment and lets you know that she is seeing you for who you are.

That you are hearing all men are dogs alot is probably because there are alot of men that are dogs out there. There's also alot of women that are dogs too.

Having suffered through your wife's death brings you to the dating world from a much different perspective than someone who has been hurt.

The best thing that you can do is prove to women that all men are not dogs and that you are not a dog.

Answer 9

Not me!! I'm not bitter or jaded or angry. Of course I didn't get cheated on (that I know of) or pushed around or treated badly. It just didn't work. We were able to recognize that before doing anything horrible to each other.

I think that a lot of women stay in a relationship until a man does something unforgivable to her. Then she is hurt so bad that she can't move past that hurt. And not just women. I see men do the same thing. They won't get out when they recognize a problem. They stay, continuing on the way they have been, making each other more miserable until someone finally cracks, does something that can't be taken back, destroying the other person's trust and faith in themselves.

Answer 10

I would guess that it was a bad marriage, rather than the divorce that jaded "most" divorced women. It doesn't make sense to judge an entire gender based on one painful experience. (glad you said "most" women, because otherwise that last statement would have applied to you too)

Myself, I'm not jaded. I am an open minded woman, my ex was not...thus the divorce. I realize that everyone is an individual. I don't want to miss out on a good guy by being close minded.