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I've just filed for divorce on my husband of 10 years. We have no assets together (thank god) and I will have Full Custody of our 2 kids because he is unable and unwilling to support himself financially (long story short he got into a car accident (he wasn't seriously hurt but claims it's worse that it is), never went to therapy and he developed Arthritis in his back because of it. Anywho, our only disagreement is changing my last name back to my maiden name. I want to leave my married name as my last name because of the pain to have to go through and change my last name on all documents. It's a pain in the butt to do. He's asking me to change it saying I don't deserve to have his last name (trust me he's a moron anyway). Should I fight him on it or just say the hell with it and change my last name back? I've thought about him giving up his rights to the kids because he can't even pay child support and he'll be ordered to do so.

2007-07-18 06:25:18 · 44 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

44 answers

it seems like the only reason you have to keep his last name is that it will be a task for you to change it. if this is the only reason then i think you should just change it. i would rather spend my energy in a couple of days going from office to office filling out papers then to spend the rest of my life of having to explain to him that iam just lazy and don't want to change it.

by what you describe he seems so petty that he will probably give you hell for not changing it. do you really want to deal with that? realistically it wont take but a couple of days to fill out some papers and sit down in your sofa for a few hours (while you watch tv) and call your credit card companies and so on.

don't give him a reason to back lash on you. the last name is really not that important to you and you don't want to make it seem important to him.

i also don't think you need to pursue taking away his rights to the kids b/c he cant pay child support. there are many single moms that wish their child's father was in the picture to help out with the raising of the kids not the money. he can be an asset to this child's life emotionally. you also don't want your kids to grow up and learn that you took their father's rights away b/c of money. that looks selfish and petty. You should still pursue your rights and file for child support whether you think you will get it or not.

2007-07-18 06:41:40 · answer #1 · answered by mimi 3 · 2 0

Actually, if you want to 'change your name' back you must do this in a court of law for it to be 'official' ... the only way you would 'normally' use your 'maiden name' is if you used that name consistently though your marriage. AND WHY did you 'discuss this' with your soon-to-be ex? Every divorce judge I know 'asks' about possible name changes, and some may 'order' the change back to maiden take place to avoid the woman having to go to court under a 'separate issue' later ... but the 'last name' of ANY woman is NEVER a 'negotiable issue' during a divorce. As for the 'support' you say he won't pay ... that is acutally up to the divorce court and if you have 'custody' (even FULL custody) he will be REQUIRED BY LAW to pay the support or face 'jail time' (although that may take YEARS) if he doesn't.

2007-07-18 06:32:02 · answer #2 · answered by Kris L 7 · 1 0

I divorced about 2 years ago. I was married for 16 years. I took back my maiden name. I was not sure if I wanted to but for different reasons. I did not want to have a different last name than my children. I decided to go ahead and change it back because 1) I did not want my ex anymore, so I did not want his name anymore, 2) if I ever remarry, my name will be different anyway. I am glad that I did change it. It was not that much hassel to change everything.

You probably need to ask yourself a couple of qestions before you make a decision.

1) Are you persistant about keeping his name because it is getting under his skin? If you are, be truthful (I can't lie, there is some pleasure in making the ex's mad, making it hard to do the right thing), then you may want to change it.

2) Is fighting over keeping his name easier than just changing everything? My guess is probably not.

If it were me I would probably change it

2007-07-18 06:42:08 · answer #3 · answered by yakisquaw 4 · 1 0

I know exactly what you mean. When my parents divorced, my Mom always told herself she would change back to her maiden name, but because it had been her last name for so long(my parents were married 10 years also), she just was never able to do it. My opinion is that, if he's such a moron, then you should possibly change back to you maiden name, to show that you have completely excluded him from your life, and to show that you have no intentions of dealing with someone(as far as a relationship) of his nature. Now as far as him giving up rights, I feel that it will be unfair to the children, because although he can't help finacially, he can possibly help them emotionally, or in many other ways. If the kids really love their father, and he loves them just the same, then he still deserves to have rights as their father.

2007-07-18 06:32:55 · answer #4 · answered by Brit-Brat 2 · 1 0

Tell your buffoon of husband to get over himself. Keep the name - at least you and your kids will have the same last name. Trust me it's a pain when they are different divorced and remarried here. Don't take his rights away - they are his kids - one never knows what time can do for or to a person. Just live your life the best you can for yourself and your children.

Best of luck to you. Ü

2007-07-18 06:39:21 · answer #5 · answered by CluelessOne 5 · 1 0

you are not married anymore and he has no say in what you do, so if you dont want to go through the trouble of changing it then dont, I know alot of people that never changed their's it was just easier. and if you change your name alot, it actually drops your credit score. if a lender is looking at your credit and you have applied at places and they missed spelled your name but used the right ss# they will keep it on there. the lender sees that you are using all these different names and among other reasons denies you. if you dont hate the name just keep it, then you dont get messed up credit on top of everything else.

2007-07-18 06:33:48 · answer #6 · answered by papillongirl 3 · 1 0

My mom had this dilemma when she and my dad got divorced. Although she actually wanted to go back to her maiden name, she kept her married name because she thought it might be harder on us kids with our mom having a different name than us, and also so as not to have to deal with the hassle of changing her name back to her maiden name.

It was easier on us with her having the same name as us. Already divorce is stressful on all involved, especially kids if they are young (we were). By changing your name, that adds even more confusion. And especially if you want to keep it anyway, then I say keep it!

: )

2007-07-18 06:29:49 · answer #7 · answered by Brn_Eye_Grl 4 · 1 0

Know if you dont want to change your name, he can not make you. It seems like that he is just looking for things to argue about. If you think that it will really be an issue just ask yourself what is more of a pain him harping on you because of it or changing all the documents, just choose which is easiest.

2007-07-18 06:30:03 · answer #8 · answered by Jules 3 · 1 0

Many Many women keep their Ex-Husbands last name after a divorce.
It's up to you to do what you want, he has no say.
you can change your name to pumpkin head if that is what you want!! he can't dictate any of that!
and you are the mother of his children, if you aren't worthy of his name then what makes him think his children are ?
I'd do what makes your life easier, I just recently got divorced too, I elected to have my name changed to my maiden name just because I didn't want to have his name then I went ahead and hi-fend my children's names with there fathers and my maiden name.

2007-07-18 06:36:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I would keep his last name for a while as it is the same last name as your children. Forget about it being HIS last name. It is now your children's and you have a right to share the same name as them. One day if you remarry you can lose it then. For now, your kids are going through enough changes. Good luck and God Bless. You are going through a difficult time. Stay strong!

2007-07-18 06:32:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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