My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. This last year has been especially difficult. I was going to break up with him, but now I am pregnant. Mostly, our problems revolve around his religion. I have been very clear with him that I will never convert. Yet he imagines that "someday" I will magically decide to wear a hijab (headscarf). The irony in all of this is that the day after I conceived, we had a very serious conversation about how we were going to raise kids together with this huge difference between us. Another sticking point b/w us is the fact that although he was separated from his wife for 1 1/2 years before we met, he's still married. She lives far away. There is no contact, nothing b/w them. Obviously he's not that strict of a muslim, but all of his friends are. That's the part I can't stand anymore. I have nothing in common w/any of them and just not happy in this life. Should I disappear, never let him know @ his kid? I am 6 wks along. Abortion, is a "no".
2007-07-18 06:02:26 · 15 answers · asked by jujoobeez 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am 38. I was told by doctors 10 years ago I am sterile, that the odds of conception for me was was a billion to one without advanced medical treament..even then it would be almost impossible to conceive. I was 28 back then and devastated. BTW I haven't had any fertility treatments to make this happen. I just got lucky. For those of you calling me a moron, thanks.
This situation is my worst nightmare come true.
2007-07-18 06:47:22 · update #1
If you're so unhappy,why did you get pregnant?You can't use the unplanned excuse either.There are so many means of preventing this.No unplanned pregnancies should ever happen.
Obviously,this is going nowhere and I can't see from what you've said that it ever will.That's the hard part of people from different cultures getting together.This should be all talked out and settled before you ever live together.I can't understand for the life of me why anyone would get involved with someone who's already married.Doesn't matter that she's far away or not.
You HAVE to tell him about this child.He has the absolute right to know.If you think you should,then leave before you tell him.Disappear if you have to but you must tell him.Your child will have to be told about him also.That will be his right too.
Do what you think is best for you and your child and to make your life happier.No one deserves all this unhappiness in their lives but you should have thought this out a long time ago.
Good luck to you and your unborn child.
God Bless.
2007-07-18 06:21:46 · answer #1 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that you are pregnant and not interested in pursuing a relationship with him beyond that of the child.
Extreme religion (such as Muslim) is not something that you can get over and it's clearly not going to work out in the long run. If you know you aren't interested in converting than you need to let him find another Muslim woman.
The child will likely want to know the father and deserves to have him in it's life even if he's not a part of yours.
2007-07-18 06:46:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be up front and honest about everything. The truth is if you aren't telling him how much this bothers you or what breaking point you are at, how will you know his response. He could either change everything for you or nothing for you, and then you'll have a clearer answer. If you run and hide, you'll only cause more problems for yourself and potentially get the law involved down the road, which would not be good for you nor baby.
2007-07-18 06:15:33 · answer #3 · answered by lemurmunk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever you decide to do, do not run away. He is the father and deserve to know. Let him know you are pregnant, but you do not want to be with him. He can be a father figure for the child, but that has nothing to do with your relationship. You never know what the future holds for you if you decide to run away. When the child grows up and starts asking for the father, what will be your response? I think you need to talk to him, let him know what you want to do (even if that means to not be with him), and explain the reason why you came up with that conclusion. If you two already had previous arguments in reference to his religion, he will have to understand..
Hope this helped and wish you the best = )
2007-07-18 06:21:32 · answer #4 · answered by Latina4life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As everyone else has previously stated, it is very unfortunate that you are now pregnant with this man's child. Although it may be difficult, I believe you have an obligation to tell the father. By telling him does not mean you have to stay with him, but it more than likely will mean a life-long association with the father of your child. This is just my .02. I wish you luck!
2007-07-18 06:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by Shelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get away from him and if you are in a muslim country get out as quickly as possible. You don't want to have a child that is (mis)used by religious zealots to wreak death and destruction. It is sad what mankind does in the name of religion and for money. In the muslim world you as a female are a second class person and have less standing than a dog or cow. It is a shame the way women are mistreated and degraded.
2007-07-18 06:35:29 · answer #6 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont know ur in a difficult position. i think u should tell him and then based on his reaction make a decision. the kid deserves to have his father in his life. if he refuses then go away. but be careful, my aunt was in a similiar situation, she married a muslim, refused to convert, concieved, had the baby and all they did was fight about how to raise him bc his views were polar opposite to him. our family later found out he planned to kidnap the kid and flee to another country and we were able to alert the authorites and have him taken away before he did.
2007-07-18 06:08:27 · answer #7 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont run away how are u going to do that to ur child.....if he lloves u then he will love u no matter what ...u have to understand that he has diff beliefs you shoul have known that wouldve been an issue before u even slept with him...hey u never know islam might just rub off on u...not a bad thing
2007-07-18 06:10:16 · answer #8 · answered by no shame in my game 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to by all moral standards let him know he has that right to know: beyond that you don't have to marry you don't have to have him in your life he dose have a right to be a father to his child. Maybe think of adoption. Abortion is not such a terrible option as bringing a baby into this horrid mess
2007-07-18 06:07:49 · answer #9 · answered by golly geesh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You got yourself into quite the situation, didn't you??
You knew he was still married, you're not happy with him, not happy in the life you would be a part of, yet you continue to have unprotected sex with him?
He has a right to know.
2007-07-18 06:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋