I have been w/ my husband for 7 years, married for 4. I am very much in love with him and care deeply about him. We have had many issues in our relationship - but nothing that we supposedly could not work through. Over the years I had come to blame myself for many of the issues that we had - because I know that I have many issues - and had not really analyzed things to the point where I attempted to figure out what he was doing to damage the relationship - because it does take 2. I have been going to therapy for several months and have asked him to come but he says "no" - he has gotten worse now and I am starting to believe he is bipolar because of how he acts and talks - and it wouldn't be a surprise because people in his immediate family have been diagnosed w/ this as well and are on medication and in therapy. I feel so helpless - thinking about asking his family to help me talk to him...any advice?
2007-07-18 05:12:43 · 12 answers · asked by Kimbermai 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you don't "believe" in this kind of disease please don't answer this question - I am well aware of your beliefs and don't need your non-help.
2007-07-18 05:22:45 · update #1
If it is getting worse, he really needs to seek professional help. There are some effective medications to help these days, and he can learn some powerful things to control it.
2007-07-18 05:16:32 · answer #1 · answered by Steve C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unlike some people writing on here they do not truly know what bipolar is and how you can deal with it. I have bipolar and can totally understand what you are going through. I would first talk to your therapist and ask her or him if they think he has bipolar. You can also check out the web sites that I have found for you below. If he infact has bipolar he definitely needs to seek help. If you get along good with his family you might want to talk with them and see if they will help convince him to get help. If not you can have him placed in a mental health facility for 72 hours where they will mandate a doctor to see him. If they feel he needs additional care they may choose to keep him longer or at least start him on medication. I know this sounds kind of drastic but if he has bipolar this may be a decision you need to make. Bipolar is serious but it can be controlled by both medication and intense therapy. A lot of people can lead good lives if properly treated. It is not a reason to leave him. That actually could be detrimental to his health. I would also suggest that you look into support groups for bipolar in your area. They have some for families of bipolar sufferers and it might help you understand and be able to care for him better. I would not give up hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. I would have no problem talking to you by email or what ever if you want to talk further. My email is in my answers profile. God Bless
2007-07-18 12:45:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing every possible thing you can do. It's great that you are going to therapy, even if he isn't. You are setting an example for him, and trust me, he notices.
I think getting his family involved is a good idea, but you really have to be careful not to give them too much control. Ultimately this is about your relationship with your husband, not about them.
I hope that you guys can work things out and that he can get the help he needs to work through whatever issue he has right now.
Just remember, one sided relationship are rough, and take a toll on the person who is trying so hard to make things work. You need to set a cutoff point for yourself. If things don't get better, there has to be a point where you tell yourself it is ok to walk away.
Good luck!
2007-07-18 12:22:17 · answer #3 · answered by T the D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bipolar or not, if he does not want to help himself, then no one can help him. If he doesn't want to work on the marriage, then it will not work out without you completely compromising your life for it.
Don't become codependent in the sense that you feel you need to stick around just to make everything better for him or just for the sake of the marriage. Marriage takes two, if he's not in it, you're not in a marriage.
Sometimes a quick slap to the face (i.e. separation, putting your foot down, ultimatums,) can be just the thing to help someone step up to the plate, but without knowing his symptoms, I can't be sure it's anything more than just unhappy with his life.
As a word of caution from family experience; sometimes that slap can send people with bipolar disorder to the bottom of the depression pit, even suicide. Be prepared for either reaction if you decide to act.
2007-07-18 12:22:11 · answer #4 · answered by KV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, i personally don't have any experience. But my dad has an anger issue.
When he gets all cranky, you must stay calm. BREATHE. Say in your mind, i will find peace. Fighting back will make it worse. If he makes a total mess in a room, let him make the mess, leave the mess alone. If 3 days or so he doesnt clean up the mess, start cleaning it up. I have a feeling that you should talk to his parents. They might tell him to go to therapy. Sorrie if this isnt any good advice but im trying to help. :P
2007-07-18 12:22:49 · answer #5 · answered by Meryssa T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you talked with a therapist about this bipolar is very hard to diagnosed i know my son has been diagnosed for 2 years now so do not jump the gun ask for a guidelines for signs and then talk with a professional about what options you have.
2007-07-18 12:18:36 · answer #6 · answered by jnc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bi-polar is just a label given to people that are explosive with anger, depressed, emotional, etc. I dont know many people that have not been diagnosed bipolar once in their life. Its kinda like ADD, its overly diagnosed. Not always requiring treatment, and one of those psychosomatic neurotherapy labels I disagree with. Medicines are prescribed for things to make doctors rich and to promote the FDA. I dont believe any of the crap.
2007-07-18 12:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by pegasis 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Give him Vit E 400 mg,also Give him a B-Complex.
say hey man why don't u check this out (bipolar information} and tell me
what u think and even if he just laughs or pushes it aside or gets defensive
you can tell yourself that u have tried and maybe put a bug in his ear
2007-07-18 12:23:35 · answer #8 · answered by Pearl Wagoner 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try talking to family, you can try talking to his doctor, and you can try talking to him... but ultimately it's a horrible situation and if he won't get help, I'd advise you to get out before you have kids... If treated, you can work on it together, but if he won't get help... life will be the best of times and the worst of times.... If he won't get help, I'd leave and tell him when he did, I'd think about coming back.
2007-07-18 12:17:50 · answer #9 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its pretty common for a bi-polar person to be able to convince you that you are causing problems that you are not causing. I'm glad you are getting help. Don't underestimate how difficult people with bi-polar can be. You are up against a really tough condition
2007-07-18 12:16:48 · answer #10 · answered by John M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋