Importance (or lack thereof) of premarital sex in long-term.?

Question

I am in my 20s and am a virgin by choice, which has got me thinking on this issue. Many people have stressed sexual compatibility as a reason to have pre-marital sex. However, in other questions, people say that being with a great lover isn't important because all of this can be learned. Therefore, my question is is pre-marital sex important? Don't tell me, I know what the Bible says, but what I need to know is truth (which if the Bible is true should jive with it anyway). What have you found in your experiences? If you have someone that you love and that is open to learning and truly loves and cares about you, is sexual compatibility important or can you rest assured that that person will learn and will become the perfect lover for you?

So, if you are looking for someone for the next 50+ years, is it important to have pre-marital sex to see if you are sexually compatible, or will someone who truly cares about you and is willing to grow become sexually compatible with you?

Thank you for the many wonderful answers, they were enlightening and informative! One thing I have realized in other questions is people usually pick the answer that they want to hear as the "best answer" and while I have one I like, it may not truly be best. Therefore, to make it fair to all, I will put it to a vote to determine best answer. I hope you don't mind but I think it will be more fair this way.

Thank you all for your responses, I really appreciate them!

Answer 1

Sexual compatibility is somewhat important. For the most part, you're right - sexual skills can be learned together after you are married. BUT the main thing that one CANNOT change is one's personal sexual appetite and preferences. For instance, would you really want to find out AFTER your married that your wife has a very, very low sex drive and you only get it once a month or something? Or would you want to find out later that she's into bondage (making you wear leather, spanking you, etc)? I'm not saying that happens all the time but every person is different and believe me, looks can be deceiving. Just because a girl seems to look like the typical "good girl" doesn't mean she isn't a freak in the bedroom. And that's fine - as long as you're ok being a freak too! :) I'm just saying that sexual styles can differ greatly and it's sometimes good to find those things out before saying I do forever.

But I would agree that sex isn't the most important thing when it comes to marriage. It's more important you find someone who has similar values, beliefs, and sees love and marriage in the same way as you.

Answer 2

It's really 100% personal choice. I enjoy sex so I want that as part of any romantic relationship I'm in, whether I may ever consider marrying that person or not.

I do think sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship and although technique can be learned, if people have mismatched sex drives, fetishes, a penis or vagina that isn't as the other partner would hope (for whatever reason) then those are things that are harder to change and more likely to cause an issue if not discovered until after a couple says "I do".

Answer 3

I have nothing wrong with premarital sex or if you wait until marriage. It's really a personal choice. I really think the key thing is not jumping into to bed real quick once you start dating someone of interest. You have to get to know the person first and see if you're compatible in other ways instead of just a sexual way. If you base your relationship just on sex, then it will not last. You can't change who a person is, but with sex you can learn together as a couple.

Answer 4

I think as a compatibility issue, that having sex before marriage can be helpful. Sex is not the most important part of a relationship, but it is an important part. And its importance can differ from person to person. If you have a high sex drive you want to make sure you find someone with a similar drive, or you may not be satisfied. Same can be said for a low sex drive. if you don't want it very often and yor partner does, this can also lead to problems. Technique and other specifics can be learned and shared, but a common level of desire for sex is very important. Finding out early if you are compatible in that way can help avoid issues with it in the future.

Answer 5

I don't know whether or not it's IMPORTANT to have sex before marriage. I do know that it's hard NOT to. So I guess the question you should be asking is: should I hold back and restrain myself if I'm sure I love the person?

There is such a thing as sexual compatibility, and sex is very important in a relationship...but I can only hope and have faith that love can overcome that if it's true.

Answer 6

hard question bro,but from a person who has had much experience i will first tell you and i'm not a very religious person but I believe in one God and i have been baptised NOTHING EXCEPT KEEPING THE PROMISE TO GOD ABOUT YOUR UNION WILL KEEP YOU TOGETHER,this does not mean you will be completely happy or have mind blowing sex,no guarantees in life brother,the three main things that destroy marriages is money,Lack/Greed,Communication,Lack/Abusive and Sex Lack of gratification-which CAN lead to infidelity.
I am not saying go have premarital sex but women in their most candid moments wil tell you they perfer an experieced lover/husband. number one, have a realistic understanding of 'your first nite' sometimes your tooo tired or nervous after the ceremony. if so, I say wait, no need to rush you've got the rest of your lives. i say find out each other expections of the first nite, first make an agree that if it doesn't happen that nite it dosen't happen, a slow sensual shower toghether and some hot making out with a nice rest will take things where they need to get to in good time.

Answer 7

I think that it is very important. Your sexual relationship is an extremely integral part of your overall relationship, and if the sexual chemistry (different from emotional and romantic chemistry) isn't there, the relationship is doomed. It doesn't mean that you need to be promiscuous and pick up women every week, but if you think that you have found that special someone, it's important to take it to the next level for the relationship to grow.

Answer 8

i don't likely get the Bin encumbered element. I guessing you reside in united states of america of america. I even have on no account heard the evaluations of maximum of daily individuals till I have been given on YA. What I even have observed is that Yanks look obsessed with faith and definitely up tight approximately maximum issues, constantly on approximately non secular values and attempting to tie them to each little element in existence. perhaps you may circulate to a cooler united states of america. I survive Australia's Gold Coast, there are non secular human beings right here as everywhere yet Jesus you do not right here approximately it each and every of the time. and no one supplies a flying f#ck approximately pre-marital intercourse. the U. S. is going international huge forcing democracy on different international places yet additionally that's screwed up values, it somewhat is in all probability have been given some thing to do with all of those wars. i'd be disillusioned to if somebody all started telling me a thank you to think of. you have in straightforward terms have been given to study by using assorted the different solutions to this question to be certain one in each and every of those ethical extreme horse Yanks get on. For an interloper i can not even see how the two connect, morality and the U. S. I advise, study the historic previous books human beings. as quickly as returned they have not did not disappoint with their self righteous attitudes. How do you adult adult males stand having to stay with one yet another? somebody will in all probability record this answer and it somewhat is going to be bumped off, not because of the fact it breaches the community rules inspite of the indisputable fact that, because of the fact they do exactly not prefer to pay attention it. Wow, thumbs down!!! greater disapproval from the fanatically non secular, i'm bowled over!!!

Answer 9

My wife was the first woman that made me wait for a year before sex and by that time we were engaged. Niether of us were virgins and to be honest if it was just the sex I wouldn't have married her. But sex isn't everything. The other side is simply that I admire anyone who chooses to remain a virgin regardless of reason and with the right guy it shouldn't matter a bit to wait till your married.

Answer 10

it's an individual choice and a decision to be made by a person and his potential husband or wife.

the world doesn't know what is best for one particular couple.. only those involved in the relationship can make the best decisions for themselves, based on their beliefs, their feelings and decisions.

it's personal