What should I do?

Question

My story is very sad. My 4 year relationship ended last summer. Nothing bad happened, we both just decided we needed to take a break to think seriously what we wanted with the relationship. She started going out with an ex of hers and he proposed, she accpetd and they got married 4 months later. I know this was a rebound...I tried to convince her not to get married and to marry me, but she wouldnt.

Since she has been married now for 5 months, she emails me and calls me all the time, adn tells me that she is not happy, that she misses me too much, that she wishes she wasnt married. Tells me she loves me so much. When I tell her to divorce and marry me, she just says she doesnt know, she would hurt him too much, etc., she doesnt know if she could do it, because he is a good guy, etc. But she doesnt love him.

What should I do? Is she going to fall in love later? This whole thing makes me sick, I cannot describe how much I am hurting.

Answer 1

I think you should move on, honestly. She made a bad choice over your protests and only after the fact realizes the choice she made. She doesn't want to hurt him. It seems to me that she is not in love with you, or she would sacrifice everything to be with you. She's not doing that. Whatever you do, don't start seeing her while she's still married.

I know it hurts, but it seems the right person for you must still be out there. Move on.

Answer 2

First of all Steve just wanted to say so sorry you are hurting. Love triangle are never a good thing and someone always ends up getting the raw end of the deal. If I were in your shoes ( which very obviously I am not and am only giving my personal opinion on the matter) I would tell her that this is really hurting you. I would also tell her that you have spoken your hearts desire for her to be in your life and are going to have to move on with your own life if she can not commit to being with you. Walking away is so hard but if you continue to put your life on hold and nothing more than emails and phone calls ever come from this than you quite possibly could miss out on living a full life!

Good Luck! It sucks to love with all your heart and recieve half hearted love in return!

Answer 3

You need to stop the communication with her until she decides what she wants. It's neither fair to your nor her husband to have her be telling you these things. It's only stringing you along. Either she wants to be married to this other man or she doesn't, and if she doesn't want to make him miserable so she can be happy, then she will probably just stay married and be unhappy. Let her go, if she decides later on that she wants to be with you and you are available that's fine. If you are in a relationship, too bad for her. Don't put your life on hold for someone else! Good luck!

Answer 4

Time to let let her and the relationship go. The troubles that you had were never resolved and just seem to be minor now in comparison to the current situation. They still are, or would be, problems once you were back together.

This woman has shown a pattern of going or wanting to be back with an ex, probably because of insecurities and not because of love. You will be better off in the long run to find someone new that better matches your needs and personality.

Answer 5

I was in the same boat. My ex and I broke up and he quickly married another woman, not because he loved her, but just because. I did the same. He is now divorced and I am in marriage counseling. She needs to be up front with her husband before it gets worse. If she loves you it wont just go away! The only reason I am still here is because we have children! I wish it were different. She has to stop before it is too late! If she wont tell him, you have to stop accepting her calls and e-mails. The next thing you'll be seeing each other and we all know how one thing leads to another. Talk things over with her and tell her how you feel. If she wont leave him..YOU have to move on!

Answer 6

I think you need to tel her you can no longer speak to her until she decides what she is going to do, because right now the only one going to end up hurting is you. Tell her she needs to make a decision and until she does to plz not contact you because it is not fair or right. She is a grown woman and made a decision now she needs to either live with it or fix it. She cant have the best of two worlds.

Answer 7

I think that you need to move on. It looks like she wants to keep her husband and you both in her life just to make her happy. Well, she cannot! Do not wait for her to come around! It is not going to happen.

P.S. Do not love someone who cannot love you back. You know that you are not going to have a happy ending. Move on, my friend.

Answer 8

if you really love her, u will just leave her alone (afterall she is married), if she really loves you, she will divorce and marry you. but don't be the other guy and try to sway her your way, she might just be trying to use you. Just let her go, and what's meant to be will be.

Answer 9

the decision is all up to her, you let her now what you want. so i would tell her nicely to not call you until she figures it out. you don't want to hurt yourself anymore then you have to do you? she's willing to hurt herself instead for letting him go,it doesn't sound like she really wants to leave him dose it?

Answer 10

move on she is never going to make a move especially since she knows she has you to fall back on.