Fiance upset about number of men I have slept with?

Question

I told my fiance how many men I had slept with which is 8 I dont think that is a high number, I told him when I lost my virginity and now a YEAR later he is upset about it.
He claims he "waited" for me by only sleeping with 2 females (I smell bullcrap!)...
So I say well there is NOTHING I can do about that, its my past , what do you want me to do about it.
I told him these things trying to be honest and now he is throwing them in my face!
Has anyone been in a situation like this before?

Answer 1

don't think I want to know the answer from my wife. Me....... 2 marriages, only those 2 women. -- It would probably hurt me. Some things are better left unsaid.

Answer 2

No, but I can imagine. It's not really about the sex. You're right the whole 'waited' because he only slept with 2 women is bull. He's trying to use it to guilt you, hurt you or control you somehow.

Eight isn't a high number, I've slept with something like that myself, in fact, I can't tell you the exact number because I don't care to think back and count, but it could very well be 8. It's less than 10 and more than 6, anyway, don't feel bad. The guy is acting like a jerk. Talk to him in a civil manner and try to figure out just what his problem is. It's can't be jealousy, unless he's jealous that he couldn't get nearly as many parters as you.

I'd really question whether or not I would want to pursue a relationship with someone like that. Clearly he has no idea how to express his true emotions or he's just got some really stupid ideas about sex. Both which are definite no nos in a relationship worth pursuing, at least for me.

Oh and by the way, in the future, the number of sex partners you've had is no one's business but your own. It's not being dishonest not to tell every personal detail about your life. As long as you are happy and healthy, who you did what with and how many times is not something that needs to be discussed. Why should it?

Answer 3

Yes, many people ask to know about the others past relationships, how many, when and even who and then it upsets them. The simple thing to do is tell him that you have told him the rock solid truth and that there is nothing you can do to change the past. He either loves you as you are with your past or he does not, but you will not allow him to throw it up in your face and will not have him getting upset about it. If he can not abide by that, then tell him you have not said I do and he can go find his virgin elsewhere. He claims he waited? If he had waited, the number would be ZERO. Don't let him compare numbers and don't let him try to make you feel guilty or dirty. Stand your ground and call it for what it is.

Answer 4

Okay, I've been in your fiance's shoes, and it sucks, it really does. He probably really has only been with 2 women. BUT, the idea that he "waited" for you is preposterous, what were those other two women then? If he truly believes he "waited" then that was HIS choice. You didn't make him do that.

Men generally don't like to think about their woman being with anyone else. Knowing a number makes it even worse, because now it's not just a guy, or a couple of guys, but a bunch of guys. Double standard? Yeah, definitely, it is. It doesn't change how much it sucks to think of her being with someone else though.

You've told him it's in the past, he should know that there is NOTHING that you can do about it. Likely he was curious about your number, so if he actually asked, you have to let him know that he opened his own can of worms.

Here's the important part. You really do need to put up to him that if he can't handle it, then maybe you shouldn't get married. Tell him that if he can't leave past actions in the past and NOT hold them against you, that you sense a very unhealthy relationship for your future. Being in a good marriage is as much about forgiving and leaving the past alone as anything else. Tell him to really think about why he loves you and wants to marry you, and that if this bothers him that much, then maybe he needs to look for someone else.

See what happens when you do that. If he thinks about it and agrees with you and wants out, then he isn't the guy you want for the rest of your life anyway. If he snaps out of it and works with you and finds a way to move on, then good.

BTW, do NOT reveal more specifics if he asks. Just tell him that it will torture him to dwell on that subject, and that you'd prefer to leave it in the past. I've asked those questions, some answers relieved me, others made it harder. I wished I'd left it alone, but I've recovered from it.

Answer 5

He is not mature enough to handle the truth. Unless you agreed at birth that you weren't supposed to sleep with guys, then he shouldn't cry about it. He is stupid for getting upset over something that is in the past. If you slept with guys while seeing him, then that is an issue, but if that isn't the case, there isn't anything you can do about it. Its not like you can go back in time and undo what you did.
My gf and I will often talk about a past relationship or sexual partner we had, or compare what an ex lover was like. Its not like she is going to go back to that person and have sex with them again. Just like, I really doubt you will go back and sleep with one of those guys.
The only thing he might be upset about is you had 8 guys, so you can compare him and how he is to those other guys. He can only compare you to the ones he been with. So, he might be feeling that he isn't good enough for you, and that you had better. That is the only reason I can think of that he could be upset about. He really needs to get over it, and move on. If he is going to be bothered by this, then you might as well end it now, because this guy is always going to keep bringing that up. Its always going to eat at him. What he wants is a virgin, and your not. If anything, you are more experienced, and you would bring a lot into the relationship.

As far as him only being with two girls, its possible, he might have wanted to wait, but it was probably more like he didn't have the oppertunity to have sex with any more. Not many guys will wait. If they aren't in a relationship and a woman wants to do it with them, they will do it.

Answer 6

He has slept with more then 2 women im sure of that just like you are.He is trying to make him self look better. You are right, you cant do anything about it and he needs to grow up since its been a year. If he was going to be mad about it , he should have been when you told him. If things dont work out for you with him, in the future make it 4 or 5 men. Some men just cant handle the truth

Answer 7

While you my think he is being childish about it. It does matter to a guy. I wish I could explain why but I am going through the same thing right now. I can tell you that eventually he will get over it. My ex wife and I were married six years and when we I asked her and her number was higher it bothered me for a while. Same thing is happening again with a new girl. Maybe men are just selfish and like to think that women did not have a life before that person came around

Answer 8

Unfortunately Jessica, his behavior is typical for an insecure male. I can give you some advice. Whether you follow it or not is your decision. This topic needs to be ended, immediately. Nothing positive can come out of bringing up someone's past before you ever met them. The truth is he didn't have sex with only 2 women because he was waiting on you. He would have had sex with 8, 10 or even more women before meeting you, if he could have pulled it off.
He's jealous of your sexual past and insecure of his sexual prowlness because you have 8 other men to compare him to. That sounds silly, but that's how insecure men think.

Look him in his eyes, tell him you love him, but this subject is closed! If he wants to argue or bring it up again in the future, just walk away from him, don't discuss it. Demand an apology...and make sure it's a sincere one.

Answer 9

I havent ever been in that situation but from what you have said he is talking sh*t 8partners is that high of a number and as long as you are healthy it shouldnt make a difference. Him reacting to that a year later is also fishy why didnt he tell you right away. Plus him sleeping with two women is hardly waiting for you. If he was waiting for you he wouldnt have had any sexual partners one the most. I say you need to watch him maybe he is now cheating and feeling guilty about it. he isnt being completely honest with you.

Answer 10

*I* actually was in a situation like this before since I have been with 11-12 women before and the girl I was seeing was repulsed by that number. I mean seriously, anyone who went to college and lived a little would hit such a number, male or female. Your man only slept with 2 females to wait for you...cmon now lets get serious!!

Answer 11

First. . 8 is not a high number. Second. . I doubt he's only slept with 2. You're absolutely right in the way you're handeling it . . you've been honest and the past is the past. If he can't leave it alone that you need to move on. Kinda sounds like maybe he has something to hide and that's why he's trying to make you feel guilty.