My husband and I used to have sex all the time...now I have to beg him!?

Question

My husband and I both work all day long and have 2 children (4yr, 7m). We used to have sex all the time...but now hes either "too tired" or "not in the mood" and I always seem to have to initiate it! I work just as much as him if not more...as i work all day and then come home cook, clean, put the kids to bed...and I am like begging him to have sex after all this and he'd rather watch tv....now he is a great father and husband other then this...and ive already talked to him about it...but its not getting better...im not going to ruin my family or my kids life by giong elsewhere...and im not just going to play with myself every night...but im so over having to beg him to have sex with me....(by the way i have an athletic body) so im not fat or anything like that...any suggestions??

Im 26 and hes 32.....and I doubt he is tired of me ...as i am very sexual and bi also...so he has plenty of options...I totally already try different things...im just over trying! Arent guys supposed to be horny all the time??

He doesnt drink at all...neither of us do...but he smokes cigarettes and his job is very stressful as he is the director of transportation.....so i understand for the most part...but theres only so much i can take..

And for those who ask if i treat him well...totally! we have been best friends since i was 17 and together since i was 19....so yes he is still my best friend...we talk all the time...but with kids, work, stress, moving,, etc...we dont really have "fun" anymore right now...

And its not sexual disfunction people...he gets it up just fine when he is "in the mood" or i actually just jump on him...

Answer 1

Well i think there is alot of hussle and bussle in your home and the stress doesnt seem to end. I dont know if this is posible, but take a day off from work ( both of you) and take the kids to the day care and sit home and enjoy eachother. Or on the weekend, find someone to watch the kids and have some adult time with each other. Maybe thats what is going on with him it is to schedualed, meaning come home, cook dinner, bathe kids, watch tv, etc. Try to be more relaxed and that. It just could be he is going througha flat time in yur sex life. All people do it. Even guys. Specially at the 30-35 mark, it will hit you too.

Answer 2

Maybe he is actually maturing as is the normal course of nature & realizing that sex is not the most important thing in the world anymore. Usually this happens in the woman first rather than in the man but maybe your case is different. Relationships go through normal phases. There is the initial attraction, physical longing, hormones raging, getting to know each other stage then there is the committment stage where you form a life together based on more than just attraction & sex, & then there is the family stage where you work together to make a home & a life with your children as a family. It's a normal part of life that your sex life is not as active as when you were first together. It's God's way of insuring things that are most important, like your children are taken care of. Aren't they more important than physical pleasures & lusts? Mine are. I no longer live in the day when I had no responsibilities or obligations to take care of & could go around jumping my husband whenever the mood hit me. I have little people now who can't take care of their own basic needs. They need me for everything now. I used to be as sexually active as anyone or MORE so but now that my kids are here & I am the one exhausted at the end of the day & I lie in bed thinking about all I forgot to do during the day & all I have to do the next day & obligations I have that require my time & attention as a mother it's only normal that sex is not #1 anymore. It just can't be. If it was I would be a poor mother. My children and their happiness is much more important to me than "getting off."

Answer 3

There could be many reasons why his sex drive is not up to par. But, you can't jump into any conclusion. I have the same issue sometimes but, it takes two to make it work you know.

This might take time but, I think you need to go back to basics. Meaning, be his friend, talk to him more often, get to know each other again. Having kids and raising a family does not make it any easier. Sometimes stress and pressure from work and family makes it difficult to have a sex drive because it takes over the brain.

Most likely though he has a lot in mind. Try to talk to him but will most likely deny everything if he is having problems. But keep at it and good luck.

Answer 4

After a few years of marriage things become boring, routine, and by you initiating sex all the time, he has come to resent it as this is adding to the pressure he already is feeling. Try and let it go without asking for a while. Plan on doing things together without the kids all of the time. When he comes home from work, start a warm tup bath for him and wash his back without expecting sex. If after a while none of this works then the only thing left would be counselling on how to handle and deal with the stress of everyday marriage. Best of luck to the both of you.

Answer 5

I don't know the reason for sure but since you are young with two kids I could throw out a possiblity. When me and my dh were still in our early 20s and we had 4 kids he stopped wanting it so much. After years of frustration he finally explained he was worried I would get pregnant again even though we were using b/c.

The only advice I have is to keep talking to him about it and really listen when he's telling you how tired he is. SOmetimes when people feel overwhelmed by life it's hard to just get over it...you know?

Answer 6

I wish my wife had that problem. Though there have been a couple times where the sex was just bad. Bad = boring, plain vanilla.

But after a week of holding off, things usually got back on track. Wish she would do things like role-play, buy her own skimpy lingerie, go outdoors without underwear (even if it's only in the backyard) and flash me. While I'm washing the dishes and the kids are outdoors, drop to her knees and bj.

Answer 7

Your husband might be going through alot of pyschological problems or having a feel day somewhere else. Talk to him gently to find out what makes him to change. Dont blame him, show him that you care and that he should let you know if you have offended him in any way. Try to play the guilty one, inprove on your hygiene, wear sexy night gown, sometimes ignore him as if you are not interested. Kiss him good night with smile and go to bed without asking for some days, he will definately come back to you. Good luck

Answer 8

A lot of other suggestions have been made, all of which are valid possibilities, but I'll throw this into the mix because I haven't seen it mentioned.

Do you treat him well?

Sex is extremely important to a man. If a wife is constantly hypercritical, *****, mean, selfish, unappreciative all day and treats her man like he's unlovable, he's not going to be really enthused about sharing sexual intimacy at night.

I'm not saying this is the case, there's nothing in your description that points to this, but I'm throwing it out into the mix for consideration.

good luck!

Answer 9

I don't think he is cheating on you. My boyfriend of 3 years works hard just like him with 2 jobs. Im always begging for sex but he is either to tired or wants to relax. Sometimes I just dress really sexy and start bringing out the toys and let him watch when i play with myself.....he then gets the idea and is ready to jump my bones.

Answer 10

Wow, that's too bad. I would LOVE to have a wife who would like nothing more than getting naked after the kids are in bed!

Maybe try to play to his TV watching - go and pop in and adult movie and just sit beside him. If he complains tell him he can pick what to watch tomorrow night. Now just sit and I'll bet after the first scene or two he'll be getting a good "salute" going!

At least if you get to pick "what to watch" every other night (marriage is a partnership after all) you'll be getting some every other night. Also tell him if he wants to pick the "content" of the adult movie he'll have to do it on his nights!