Im confused about ex wife?

Question

I recieved two phone calls this week from my ex wifes twin sister.My divorce was final last month [took only 60 days].My ex wife has vanished off the face of the earth.Quit her job and moved.I don't know where or with who but these actions confirm what i had suspected for months.I think she was having an affair and has moved in with him.Her sister called me to say,my ex wants me to move on as well,no kidding,she asked for a divorce.This whole experience has been devistating for me and i don't understand the motives for her sister to call me.She doesn't ask me any real questions,she just says her sister has been forced to make changes do to financial reasons.All i know is when she has called it has pulled me right back into the pain i have been going through for the past five months.I miss my wife,i don't know what happened to her,where she went with who.Don't i have the right to know if my wife was having an affair right under my nose.Or is it just tough luck,suck it up and move on.

It might not matter now,but i have looked for the answers i need for the past six months while we were married and she was sneeking around. I wish i could have caught them.I know it takes two to tango.Some guys have no morals.

Answer 1

You deserve closure, but what is knowing going to change about the situation? It is what it is as unfortunate as that may be. I could understand you needing to know what went wrong that's only fair. You need to explain you're feelings to her sister and hopefully your ex wife will call so you can get to the bottom of what your issues were. It's quite apparent that your ex is feeling really guilty about what she did to you and that's why shes having her sister call to check up on you and she won't do it herself. If nothing else maybe you need to talk to someone to help you through your tough times.

And remember that it doesn't matter if she was cheating or not, in some way she wasn't happy and that can't be your fault. Her happiness has to depend on her and not you, so never blame yourself. Good luck, it'll all get better with time.

Answer 2

You just need to move on now. I'm sorry this was so hard on you. Please tell your ex sister in law to stop calling. A clean break, with no contact with the ex, her family or friends. She was having an affair, and was just smart enough not to get caught. Finding out now with whom she was having the affair with will not change things for you. You'll still be divorced. Get some of your old buddies and go out. When you do, and you meet another woman, don't just sit there and whine about your ex-wife, and how hurt you are. Be carefree and have fun. No body want to be around someone who's a downer. Good luck. Time will heal all wounds. It's a cliche, but it's also true.

Answer 3

It appears you are seeking closure as a way to help you to move on. But if your ex wife is not willing to give you the answers then you need to look at the issues at hand for the reasons she left. The main being is that she is no longer willing to be your wife, for what ever reason, this is a fact. Stop beating yourself up over her decision to end it. People are complex and do things for reasons they only understand. My advice for you would be to change your telephone number, this way her sister will not be able to call you and stir up unwanted emotions again. Her sister is most likely a busy body and just wants to hear gossip from you. I do hope things get better for you.

Answer 4

T^hose last two words say what is the most important thing for you now, Rodger. The pain of loss, especially when you weren't expecting it, can be almost all-consuming, but you have to accept what is NOW, not what was. It wasn't, obviously, what you thought it was, so you must let it go, turn away from the past, and "move on". Time heals all wounds, but the scars have to be worked to soften the pain. Cherishing them only makes them harder, and the pain more intense.

Answer 5

Maybe to avoid having her family trying to drag you back into your ex-w's drama, you could change your phone number, your cell number, and blocks on their numbers. Block their e-mails from ever filtering through by putting them on your blocked list. If you must, move to a new home where there won't be reminders of her. Do you have the RIGHT to know what she's doing? Only what she did before you divorced. You have a right to know what she's doing now only in the sense that if it's about something that would affect you directly.

Answer 6

Rodger I went through the exact same thing 4 yrs ago. You have to forget about what she is doing, she is not your wife anymore. Its a tough thing to go through but wondering what and why will only slow down the healing process (I know I took the long road and it nearly made me insane and never did find any comfort in knowing where she was.) You need to focus on your well-being. If she was anything like my ex, after our divorce she went nuts and started spending money and got buried in debt. We all find comfort in rough times like this from something. I'm sorry for your loss, but you can rebuild your life. I would suggest you take time to heal and move on. What she is doing with her life is no concern to you anymore. You have to suck it up and move on. Good luck to you and time will heal.

Answer 7

When you accept and sign the divorce paper,i believe you are aware enough that she can do what she wants to do now on her own way.Just move on,she let her twin sister to call you to atleast advice you that you have to move on with your life without her,perhaps she don't have the courage now to talk to you.Why do you need to find out if she has an affair before your divorce,it will just hurt you more and put you in unstable situation,there are times that we just have to leave the past behind us cause it will not help or change anything for our future.Just have faith and believe in God that everything happens in our life,happens for a reason for now this reason may be unclear to you but sooner or later you will find it out. Godbless!!!!

Answer 8

you have no choice but to go on. Stop looking for a reason when it doesn't matter. My first wife left me 23 years ago with no reason, excuse or other man and after 23 years she has come back and I find out that it was not me, it was her.

Start to put the pieces of your life back together, tell the sister in law to lose your number, get yourself a new hobby or something you like to do and devote your time to that.

You are going to miss her for a long time and that's normal but you will meet someone who will replace the pain with real love.

Answer 9

There's no need to know if she was having an affair. The important thing is that she did not want to remain married to you ... she obviously has moved on and you should work on doing the same. Good Luck.

Answer 10

move on. she's getting her sis to do her dirty work. You said the divorce is final, so make it final ! I don't know WHY she would get her sister to call, unless she's living her life with someone controlling her, or you won't leave her alone. Chalk it up to another chapter in life. If you think your ex-wife is in real danger, and is being forced to do things against her will, THEN do something , contact police, etc... otherwise leave it alone. She's chosen where she wants to be.If it's due to "financial reasons", maybe she got herself in trouble with gangsters . Maybe she has to hide out. I never understood women who put themselves in this position. What are you going to do ? Try to "save- a ho" ?