Been trying to get pregnant for almost 3 years, and now my husband wants to give up?

Question

Hello everyone, My husband and I have been trying desperately to have a baby for about 3 years now. He's a doctor so we've waited until he finished his residency/things settled down a little before starting a family.

Little did we know, I just can't seem to carry past 10 weeks. There have been 4 miscarriages, and we recently tried In Vitro...however, the 3 rounds we tried never took.

My husbands dream, besides being a doctor, is to be a father, and it has taken a toll on him, myself and our marriage.

Now, my sister is pregnant. I'm so happy for her, but her and her husband just got married and already they're expecting. It is hard for my husband and I to be around them, is that normal?

Since my husband is a doctor, he knows all of our options very well, and we have just about tried everything. I have suggested a surrogate but he said he wants me and only me to carry our baby.

Now he is just sad consistanly. I want to help him, he said he is just about done trying...

Please help...any answers are appreciated. I am coping with this best I can but my husband is on the verge of becoming depressed, and it breaks my heart to see him like this.

Before anyone suggests it, adoption has been discused, I brought it up when I first realized we might be having some problems...my husband keeps saying over and over that he only wants our baby, no one elses.

I wouldn't mind adopting, but of course I would rather have my own baby with my husband.

Answer 1

Maybe you need to take a break from trying so hard and just be together and relax. The more stress the harder it is to concieve. Has he been tested to make sure he doesn't have a problem, like low sperm count or something irregular?

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear that you two are having such a difficult time.:( Perhaps your husband just needs to focus on things that do not involve conceiving for a while. You two might take a break from attempting to have a child for a little while and just focus on rebuilding your bond with one another.:) I am not suggesting that you completely give up. Just that you try to stop stressing about it constantly. Not being able to conceive can be a very difficult thing for any couple to face. Perhaps once you stop trying and focusing so hard on getting pregnant, you might luck out and find that it happens on it's own! You just never know.:) If you both find that you still want children in the future, your husband might have to be more open minded to trying adoption or a surrogate. I truly wish you both the best of luck in your life together.:)

Answer 3

Wanting his baby and no one Else's is extremely selfish on his part when he knows the trouble you've been having. I too had similar circumstances...though my X husband didn't put it so nicely when I brought up adoption. And when the doctors finely diagnosed me as perimenopausal @ 34 and suggested a hysterectomy, he became very abusive. I left of course....6 months later & 1 month after my divorce was final. The guy I was seeing "Knocke me up". Doctors were wrong and very irresponsible in suggesting surgery.
Listen to me, because some of your statements, lead to me believe that you are feeling this way, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!! YOU CAN NOT CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS WITHIN YOUR BODY, SOMETIMES NATURE JUST HAS TO TAKE ITS COURSE.
And don't feel bad about feeling uncomfortable around other pregnant couples or with children. You ARE suffering a loss. Though it may not be a permanent loss, so NEVER give up hope, but don't let it consume your life either.

Answer 4

Just take a break, stop "trying" to get pregnant, don't worry about other options for about 6 months to a year, and see what happens. I have heard many stories about people who stopped "trying" and it just happened. If it doesn't, step back and re-evaluate your options at that point, when it is less of a heated subject. If you are unable to carry a baby to full term, he needs to accept that having you carry his child may not be an option. At that point, you'll have to decide to go with a surrogate, or adopt. He may not be able to have you and only you carry his baby, but even if someone else carries your baby, it doesn't make it any less yours. It sounds like you are a strong, very supportive woman, and my heart bleeds for you. It must be very painful for you to lose your babies as well, and see your sister be pregnant too, yet you only seem concerned about him. You can't keep on getting pregnant only to lose them, it is not healthy for your body or soul. I wish you all the baby dust, hugs, and kisses I can send your way, and if that doesn't work, I hope your husband comes to his senses and puts his emotions aside enough to consider other options and your well being. Best wishes!

Answer 5

This book is a must read for any woman trying to get pregnant. I was devastated and so was my husband after being told by my fertility specialist at age 38 that I had no option but to consider adoption or donor eggs (according to my doctor I was out of eggs and gave me 4% chance of getting pregnant and a 2% chance of carrying a baby to full term). After much research and dozens of hours reading infertility related articles and posts online, I have found this book! I never believed in anything alternative to western medicine and thought all the other stuff like Chinese medicine was a hoax. But I was soon glad to be wrong as I followed step by step guidelines. After one month of trying I became pregnant and had a beautiful healthy boy. Nine months after that I did everything in the book again and after 2 months of trying I got pregnant again and gave birth to another perfect little boy. I would recommend anyone with an open mind to read this book. It just might be the answer to your prayers.

Answer 6

You should put it on hold, have a heart to heart with him and tell him that it's putting undo stress on both of you and you don't want that to cause problems. It seems the harder you try to get pregnant, it stays a dream while stressing you out. If you relax and give it a break, it may happen for you. Have your doctor check your progesterone levels, it not only helps you get pregnant, it sustains the pregnancy as well. You might want to consider a couples counselor to deal with all the stress and disappointment, the depression. There could be underlying guilt, blame and all sorts of unfounded feelings, that you secretly feel although there is no reason. that should be brought into the light and taken dealt with. Good luck.

Answer 7

that sure is a tough place you and your husband are in. I feel terrible for you both. Miscarriage must be aweful to go through. My husband is the same way, he wants our biological children carried by me! We are lucky that we have a gorgeous biological daughter (with complications during pregnancy) but nothing serious enough to harm her. I don't know what we would ever do if we couldn't have her, or if we lost her. Surrogate sounds good because it can be your egg and his sperm, totally your kid, just growing somewhere safe, however I understand his point that he wants you to carry it. Its makes it so special. But it looks like surrogate would be the best option if you wanted your own biologoical child. Wish I could be more of a help to you, good luck with everything and I truly hope you get a child, you deserve it! It saddens me to see how many parents neglect, abuse, etc their children and then there is a loving home that desperately wants to love, care, nuture their children and they can't conceive, it just isn't fair!!

Answer 8

Hun, sometimes "giving up" is just what it takes to be happy... In my case, all the stress of trying and failing, the losses, the morning.. the hoping again.... and depression was just too much... I gave up, so did my husband... but there was this "calm" acceptance... then, suddenly what do you know?? At my next doctor's appt they announced I was almost 4 mos preg... Didn't you realize? said my dr.. No, I had given up, I thought it was anything and everything except pregnancy... Sometimes when you remove the stress and worry, Miracles do happen...

Answer 9

my wife and i have been going through something similar. she has micarried also at 10 weeks. we keep trying, but it is not seeming to work. i want a kid of my own also, so all we can do is keep trying. she honestly thought that she couldn't conceive at all(at least that is what she was told at an early age), so it was an emotional high when she did, only to have it shattered when she miscarried. all i can say is keep trying and try not to stress, as that only makes it that more difficult to conceive and carry. if it is meant to be, God will make a way for it to to be.

God bless and stay encouraged. Love won't let you guys give up.

Answer 10

Why give up? trying to have one is a great time.
I'll be trying when I'm 80 I hope!!!!
If you guys adopt a child, you will become pregnant there after. The pressure you feel will be relieved and it will happen.