Why do you care what others think of your choices? Or, do you?

Question

I have read quite a few times that feminists want to change the thinking about women and what roles they can/should play in the family and in society. That women should be "free" to make different choices than their mothers or grandmothers.

For example, to get people to no longer "judge" a woman who prefers to be the breadwinner while her husband is the homemaker or one who prefers to not have children or opt to put her children in daycare when it is possible to stay home and care for them, etc.

My question is, why do they (you) care what society or individuals think since they (you) are completely free to live however they want?

Why not just find a partner (or don't find one if that is your choice) that agrees with how you want to live and go about living your life your way?

Why do they (you) care about what "society" or individuals think or feel about their (your) choices?

SS - you said, "That can be hard if every man on Earth was raised as an arrogant sexist pig."

And feminists wonder where they get their man-hating reputation from?

KA1227: I mean in terms of approval?

Why not stand up for what you believe is right even if others don't (yet, perhaps) agree or understand?

I have always been the minority (sometimes extreme minority) in various areas of life, some by birth others by choice, and have learned that there is strength in standing (sometimes virtually alone) when principle is involved. I take pride in doing that and am teaching my girls that it is not wrong to be different than "the crowd."

Wendy

As usual, you have a logical view. Though I don't completely agree with your logic in this case.

My point is that there are situations in life where one must buck the tide since one can not change the tide - when the tide is heading in the wrong direction.

I have learned over time not to care what "the crowd" thinks when I am convinced that they are wrong, not me.

However, they are just as convinced that I am wrong and they are right. So, I could spend time and emotional energy worrying about what these poor misguided souls do or don't think about me. OR, I can go about my life with as much joy and contentment as possible, knowing that I have/am doing what I am convinced is the right thing.

In the mean time, I *can*, however, try to influence and educate others, largely by example and secondarily by word. Hopefully, in time, they will see the light.

Answer 1

I'm amazingly blind when it comes to seeing how other people view me and my life choices.

I don't really care what they think, though, so that works; they're free to choose what they want without my judgement. They don't have to live my life, though, so I expect to do that the way I want to.

Also, I suspect that, in all honesty, people don't actually give any more than a passing thought to what other people do.

Answer 2

I gave up a long time ago on trying to change anyone's opinion about anything. I will surely voice mine if I feel the need to do so. When chatting with friends or associates, for the most part, I will smile and say "hmmmm, that's interesting", instead of arguing when I know neither one of us is going to change our minds.

I totally agree that I am free to live how I want. I love perusing beauty products and am a professional make-up collector. I often wear outlandish clothes and make gregarious jokes. I truly enjoy creative self expression and am currently looking for a really good free-hand tattooist to gimme a sweet mudra hand tat.

But I think I'm different than most people. I went to 9 different schools growing up. It was hard always being the new girl. If you were 'pretty' forget it! The girls would be sooo mean!! So, my friends were usually guys. I HAD to learn early on not to care what people think in order to survive emotionally.

I do have a partner who is basically the same as me. Were happy with who we are and don't really care what people think. Status quo is so boring!!

Instead of arguing with 'lost souls' I try to live by example. Treat others with kindness even tho' they don't deserve it sometimes. I do the best I can to be the best ME I can be and I could give a flying fick if that's not good enough for others.

It always cracks me up when someone I know tries to tell me this or that and are shocked by my reaction that I really don't care. So, you don't like my hair. Well, I guess its good its not your hair ya dumb muthafucka! LOL! Personal attacks are actually almost fun to me. I like making the other person reflect with my witty comments, and have pride that they will not bait me into anything else.

I have done my best to lead by example w/my kids, and hope they can learn from my mistakes.

Answer 3

Firstly, its the responsibility I feel to my parents. I think I should try to find a partner and get married and have kids otherwise they might be disappointed. But I think they are already prepared just in case I decide to stay single all my life, because its a trend now for women to stay single.

Second, I think its the fear that if we don't do what others are doing, we are not living life to the fullest or we are shortchanging ourselves. E.g. I do worry that my partner is not earning enough and that I have to support him and that does affect my decision whether to continue with the relationship.

Third, its peer pressure. Even if I don't care what other people think, other people will keep bringing it up and ask questions. E.g. I don't want to buy a car yet and I'm still driving my mom's old car. But my parents will keep asking me to get a new car, I suspect because their friends or relatives ask them about it. I don't care what other people think but they are the ones who are affected by what people think.

I don't really care what other people think, not as much as other people . Because I tend to isolate myself. I don't have many close friends that I go out with. And I work at home and don't have coworkers. So I guess that's the reason why I don't have to live up to other peoples expectation.

Either that or bad experiences from the past, such as doing some artistic painting or drawing and having people laugh at my work has made me stoped drawing. So end up not making any decisions at all...e.g. don't get married, don't have a boyfriend.. in fear of making the wrong choice....

Answer 4

My question is, why do they (you) care what society or individuals think since they (you) are completely free to live however they want?

That is not always true. the way people live are affected by the people around them. You notice that there is alot less inter-racial marriages if it is totally forbidded or view as an evil/bad thing in society and you will most likely be disowned or suffer bad family relationships due to your choice.
These things affect what we will do. And our brining up affects what we will do. If we can get people to be more open minded and bring their kids up in that manner, then more people will truly be free to do whatever they want. And that is why we care.

Why not just find a partner (or don't find one if that is your choice) that agrees with how you want to live and go about living your life your way?

That can be hard if every man on Earth was raised as an arrogant sexist pig. So we have to care about what other people think. This affects what type of guys will be availible. It takes alot intelligence/enlightenment to say NO, to something that is putting you put on the pedestal without needing merit at all. I mean why would you go against society thats telling you not to give respect to a certain group of people (be it gender or racial) when its so easy to just go blindly along?

Why do they (you) care about what "society" or individuals think or feel about their (your) choices?

We do because why should someone pushing for the progression for our society be socially shunned for it? And because if we want to go out of tradition/norm and stand up for ourselves, many times we are alone in our own front. And many people because of thsese consequences wont go do what they want or break with tradition. so thats why we care. Because we want to decrease the suffrage of people who break with tradition, and let them make their choices without the unnecessary suffering (ie from community/family/coworkers) just because they cannot move their heads along or accept other people's choices.

Answer 5

If it were simply about self-esteem, I would agree with you.

Unfortunately, the judgment of society has many different consequences, and negative judgment can lead to all sorts of adversity. If a woman wants to make the choice to be the breadwinner for her family, but she can't make as much money as she needs because employers are paying her less, and she can't get the promotion she needs because her boss assumes she isn't as fit for the job as a man must be, then it's much more practical for her husband to be the breadwinner (even if he'd rather stay home), and her *choice* is moot. I'd say that's a fair enough reason to want to fight society's judgment.

It isn't about "I wish everyone would like me for meee," it's very much about "I have the same right to make these choices in my life, so why do people make it intrinsically more difficult for me, for no reason beyond my second X chromosome?"

Answer 6

Most of us say we don't care what other people feel about our choices. In reality, human nature drives us to be accepted into society. That is why we care about other's opinions whether we want to admit it or not. We want to fit in.
We are free to make life choices and in a perfect world it would not matter to other people. Unfortunately that is not the case. If you make a life choice that goes against the norm be prepared to take some heat. As long as your choice does not interfere with anyone else's rights it is noone's business but your own.
It is all a matter of preference.

Answer 7

I think this goes both ways. I don't think women should be judged for wanting a career AND children...after all, men aren't, but I also think that women shouldn't be judged when they DO decide to stay home. I also hope that one day there will be less stigma for men who chose to stay in the home.
I'm going to stay home with my children the first few years because, to me, that's important. Once they're in school, I'll go back to work. Do I care what others think? Not really, but it's not about that. Women should have the same freedom from social stigma that men enjoy when they choose family and career, just as men should be able to choose to stay home and not be stigmatized. Honestly, though, women do have it worse in this arena; it seems that some will criticize women if they choose to work and have kids, while others will criticize them if they choose to be SAHMs. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
But to answer your question more directly: I don't care what others think of ME, but I still care that those social stigmas exist, and think it should be changed. Does that make sense?

Answer 8

I chose to care about My fellow beings. It is often beyond the realms of comprehension to understand the machinations of Others. I chose to try to become a better Man tomorrow by answering Your (collective) questions today, thus imparting My opinions and experiences, knowledge, and dare I say it, wit and wisdom, on to the rest of society. I search for "The better Angels of Our nature" rather than an excuse to castigate others. I don't want to prove that I am as good as the next person. I want to prove to Myself that I am the best person that I can. It is all a part of universal suffrage. Is that so terribly wrong?
Does that answer Your question?

Answer 9

Because we are all part of a global community called EARTH. Everything is interdependent, actions have consequences.

Edit: I do. I choose my battles. Not really in the mood to go into detail just now. That, too is a choice.

Answer 10

I don't care... I live the way my heart tells me to. Not society or friends or anyone else. Only I know what is best for me.
And I do this even at the cost of not being accepted. It's better that you live your life and not let the others live it for you.