Husband spends more time with poker buddies than me. What do I do? Talking, leaving hasn't worked.?

Question

now and then I have no problem but its all the time and he is out till 2 or later in the morning. I have talked, I have left him, but came back cause I was more miserable. What shoud I do?

No cheating, I am just tired of being alone and caring for kids. I don't want anyone else, I want my husband to spend as much time with me as he does playing poker. I just came seem to get thru to him.

That's just it I want to go out with him but he says that's his space and time out. I don't believe he's cheating cause I have friends there too that would bust him, plus it's just not in him. I just want him to be home with me sometimes. I have tried going out with friends but it's not the same. I guess I am just too dependent on him. I think I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I would love to go but he doesn't want me there. He is playing 4 nights a week out till anywere from 2-5 a.m., sometimes he stays where he is at till he sobers up the next day, which I asked him to do because I don't need him killing himself. I really am at a loss and no one would show up here because the place they play late at night has a pool, jacuzzi, all kinds of toys. Maybe it's time to just give up, cause I really can't go on like this. He doesn't hear or just plain doesn't care. Either way I am still alone and it's no way to live.

Answer 1

One thing I have learned in the 20 years I have been married is that you cannot control what another person wants to do. The only thing you can control is how you feel about it. So, maybe you can work out a compromise with him that he only play a certain amount of days per week and agree on that and if he won't then you go and try doing something on the nights that he is home. Let him see that you can do somethings with your friends and leave him alone. If you have children then that is a whole other thing. If he won't agree to staying home or spending more time with you then you may have to try some counseling. Sometimes if an outside person tells him he may listen better than if you tell him. Don't say you are going to leave unless you really mean it. If you keep saying you will leave or leave and come back he will not take you seriously. One more thing is you can pray. It does help..

Answer 2

Sounds like you are stuck. Your leaving and coming back just sent the message that he can do whatever he wants to do and you will still be there when he wants you. It its apparent that your needs aren't being met within the relationship. Unfortunately, you are in a spot many people have been in before you, a spot that leads to emotional and physical affairs, but I don't recommend an affair at all. As a matter of fact I think you should be very careful because you seem to be in a situation that is priming you for such action, even if you don't want one. The reason is that your needs will be met. And if your husband isn't meeting them, someone else will be happy to. Be very careful not to fall into an affair because it's not the answer. You should seek understanding through counseling, relationship seminars,or books on relationships. You will find that there are many good sources that have great advice on people in your situation. Just remember, it is very important that you get through to your husband how important your needs are. The sources I mentioned can help you discover ways to communicate to him. If he doesn't listen, then you may be growing apart from each other, and you should then be prepared to start a new chapter or stay stuck.

Answer 3

One definition of insanity is to continue doing the same thing and keep expecting different results...but getting the same result. So talking about leaving hasn't worked. Just plain talking doesn't seem to work. You might ask him if he recognizes how you feel and if your feelings are important to him. If he says poker is more important than your feelings, then I would seriously consider leaving. What will you be doing 5 years from now? Still threatening and pleading and silently crying? Is this the kind of life you want? Is this what you signed up for?

Answer 4

How often does he play? My husband plays once a week. I finally bought him a poker table so he could have games here, most the people he plays with he works with as well.
As for people saying he is cheating, you know your husband and would see minor changes if he were, you know him better then us. I would get a sitter one night and tell him your comming along to play as well. Let him know it won't be a regular thing but that would would like to share time with him and enjoy his hobby too.
Men need guy time, but married men shouldn't neglect their wives either.

Answer 5

starte making planes to do things with him things he wants to do so he will want to spend more time with you or just execpt it and let it be. is he cheeting or really with his buddies? have the buddies to your house and make snacks and drinks ready for them let them play but pop in every once in a while and ask if they need any more snacks or drinks make sure you have a lot of different snacks and drinks for them and ash try's and empty them every once in a while kind of wait on them get the other guy's likeing you oh and always look nice not to sexy but not like you just got home from work either and they will start asking him why are you not at home with your wife? Also offer to let them come over like every other week or every week if they play more then that just go with once a week ask them what kind of snacks they like and have them at the next game night maybe this will help show interest in what he does ask him to teach you and to play with you and maybe he will give it up a little that is what I did it worked great friend told me and tried it it worked ggod luck

Answer 6

Ask him to have the guys over your house. He can play poker there. And talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Suggest counseling.
If he has guys over walk out in a skimpy nightie and parade in front of his friends. When his friends are all staring at you, he will pay attention, finally.

Answer 7

As long as he is not cheating and losing money in a big way its ok. Relax. If he is cheating then I would walk out but dont break a marriage if he is only with friends. You can work things out someway

Answer 8

Find a boyfriend, someone that will spend time with you while he is out with his butt buddies.

Answer 9

divorce