Personal Problem - Please some advice needed?

Question

Dear friends,
Please ... only genuine answers please. I am facing a lot of problems and very disturbed, please don't hurt me more with any unwanted comments.

Me and My lover have been facing some serious problems. Our marriage is scheduled in another 6 months and of late we have a lot of misunderstandings and hence it leads to fight.

She wants to be separated but I am not interested in getting separated. We have been in love for 9 years now and after a lot of struggle now both the parents have agreed for marriage so I cannot imagine a life without her.

I am trying to convince her that misunderstandings can be solved and fights will be reduced as and when we get married but she is adamant and says "no, we will not be happy after marriage".

Friends, please suggest me what should I do?

Should I convince her further. If so how? Or there is no other go expect separation.

I am very worried and deeply concerned about the current situation in my life.

Answer 1

I think you should try being separate for a while and see what happens. It is better to take a break now then after the wedding, things will be much more complicated then. It sounds like she is having doubts about the two of you, give her some space and if you guys are meant to be together then she will come around and you can be together.

Answer 2

You are facing a very difficult situation in your relationship. I am sorry you are having to go through this, but God will get you through it. It sounds as if you and your lover have never talked about a lot of things you should have talked about before even planning this wedding. I would make sure before an "I do" was even uttered, that any and all differences have been talked about and worked out and both parties have come to a common ground agreement on the many different issues you both will face together and as separate individuals. I would talk about the next 30 years before this wedding takes place. Separation would give you and her time to think about this decision of marriage, where clearer heads will prevail. If you don't solve these misunderstandings before the marriage, you are destine to fight more because these issues have not been resolved. Take the separation, think about the things you want out of a marriage with her, and if she is not close to what you want then you two are not on the same page. Maybe God is telling you this is not the person he wants you to be with. Have you ever gone to a counselor for these issues? Sometimes they have a neutral objective about the situation between the two of you. Give it a try, it will be cheaper that a wedding would be and would save an awful lot of heartache and money in the long run. God Bless and Good Luck.

Answer 3

Seems that you took way too long to get to the marriage stage.

There is such a thing as marriage jitters, which are sudden bursts of uncertainties about going forward. The Chinese say that small separation is better than new marriage, meaning you come back knowing you need each other more. Right now, if you push her to come back to you, she may think you are begging and you will eventually feel resentful after a while. Give her a couple of weeks. If it is meant to be, she won't suddenly find another man and marry him anyway. Let her trigger the next contact.

Hard as it sounds, there are a lot of things in this world for a man to do, no point mopping around like a dead dog. Have been there, done that.

Answer 4

Find out the reason for sepration. U both were in love for 9 years and now when ur parents are ready to accept this relation, then why she doesn't want to continue. Take her to some good place or such place where u both use to meet. Recollect all ur happy days memories and then politely ask her :
1) whether she is scared of ur parents ?
2) Is she worried about her careers?
3) Will she not able to adjust herself with ur family ?
4)Is she wandering, after marriage how she will manage house and office ?
5) Whether u will allow her to work or not ?
6)If she is the only earning member, then she may think after marriage who will take care of her parents ?

There will be many questions arising right now in her mind and may be thats the reason, misunderstanding has been raised in ur relations.

Make her understand that u love her & will support her whenever needed. For every questions which is in her mind, give a positive reply. Definitely this will help u a lot.

All the best.

Answer 5

hi
Don't worry too much. Your problems will be solved,because you are a good man.
Yes u must convince her further.
But make sure you are gentle in handling the person u love. Also if u have some good understanding with her parents, try to talk to them about the problem.(they could help) DO NOT FORGET her friends, ask them to help you.(friends can really get the problem fixed).(Also talk to ur friends to whom u can tell the exact problem)

Prove to her that you really love her.Ask her to spare some time to talk with you.And when you guys meet express your feelings. If still the problem is not solved try to give her what she really needs, like she might have wanted you to help someone else and you would not have cared about it, so do it now. Or she would have wanted you to change in some way like giving up smoking or something(i do not mean it but its just an example). May be you should back away from some of your friend that she doesn't like.
Try rembering what she used to tell u, you would not have paid attention to some thing important in the past.

since you said its just misunderstandings, your problems will be solved. But remember it could take some time.

(do not start drinking, don't take drugs, don't get depressed and kill time.)

Try to think and analyze the cause of the problem!

if I find any other way of solving the problem ill mail u as fast as lightning.
Be patient,
I wish to here from you that you and you love are together.

good luck.

Answer 6

I understand that you love her, but she is right. If you're having a lot of fight and misunderstanding now, marriage is not gonna solve it.

You could be with a person many years and still be not meant for each other. Don't force her or yourself into a marriage just because you feel it would be a waste to throw away those 9 years you've been together.

Give her some space. You need it, too. Give her some time to think about what she really wants. You could use that time to evaluate your own feelings, too.

Answer 7

Well you are not going to like what i have to say , you have been with each other for 9 years no one else i think she has been thinking about alot and knows the dead line is getting closer i believe she has thought alot about it and is having the trap blues she is wondering if things out there in the world may be different and she wonders if she might be happier with someone else and she is not real sure about you two anymore cause she hasnt experienced anything else other then you and she is wanting too get out there and see.
What i can tell you is you need to let her go and see if she comes back . Yoou really dont have a choice i think she will call off the wedding before it gets that close
I would rather seperate now then to get married and divorced as month later i wish ya luck

Answer 8

Though you have given a lot of details, you have forgotten to mention the issues which lead to fights. If these are trivial and insignificant, she probably is looking for excuses to break up. If the reasons are strong enough to spark a fight, you two should try to take steps that the matters do not creep up again.

In any case marriage requires a lot of faith, commitment & maturity and you have to look at the problem form that angle as well...

Take Care...

Answer 9

let me just stress one thing in response to something you said

MARRIAGE DOES NOT MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER!

seriously if you have problems before the marriage those problems aren't going to go away but instead they will magnify. think about it you are living with the person sharing your whole lives, obligations etc..dont you think that is added stress

if your relationship is stressful and unhealthy to begin with then a simple legal document isnt going to take that all away

when things go wrong for a couple people tend to do anything to salvage the relationship when its simply over...i think people are afraid to move on, afraid to change their daily life and get out of a routine they have been so comfortable in for such a long time

what you need to ask yourself is if this is a healthy relationship...that means are you and the other person mutually inlove and excited to share the rest of your life together. are you both happy well rouned people on your own without a significant other....things will not work out if you don't adress the issues at hand...marraige does not magically fix everything

Answer 10

You are both right. People are nervous in anticipation of marriage and weddings place a lot of stress on people. Also it is true that if people are not happy before the wedding, the wedding will not change things. I suggest going slower. You have been in love for 9 years. take a couple more years before marrying.