Is it possible to use the "n" word and not be a racist?

Question

A friend of mine is a really intelligent, nice guy, but he uses the "n" word. For instance, after someone broke into his car and stole his stereo, he said, "I bet it was a bunch of f'ing n-words!" I asked him about it and he claims that he didn't just mean black people, they could have been white or Hispanic, he was just talking about a "specific type of people." There are other examples, too.

I don't want to think of him as a racist, but I can't help it. If he meant just the kind of person who steals, why would he say anything at all, since it's obvious that a thief took it? Or why couldn't he have said, "I bet it was some druggie @sshole" or something else that didn't have obvious racial connotations?

I'd like some input! I just can't look at him the same way anymore. I know someone will say it shouldn't matter if he's racist, but I can't trust or like someone who has such unreasonable, unjustified hate.

Answer 1

Your friend's response was definitely racially motivated. I have come to find that even the white people who think they are cool and call each other the N word generally have a very low opinion of black people. They create a veneerunderstanding and commonality to be able to use hateful speech openly. Because of this and other reasons, I don't entertain the notion of arbitary definitions of the N word. No one should use it and I honestly think that your friend has come up with a creative excuse for using it so that he doesn't have to face reppercussions.

I have been in your situation several times before and I have always challenged the culprit to explain themselves. Normally I get a similar type of answer and when I dig for more information I get the truth. Your friend could have used a number of possible nouns to label the 'thieves' but he didn't. He chose the typical and easy racial denegration route. He learned that what he said is not pc and ok to say publically and as a result created a story to cover his behind.

We all sayt hings that we dont mean at times but if we are sorry and understand that what we said is wrong, we apolgize and not make excuses. Your friend offering an excuse for his behavior is evidence to me that he is yet another person who understands just how subtle he has to be in order to practice racism. Did you consider that you may have said it to you as a test to see if he would be welcome to shae those kinds of harteful feeling with you? It may be far-fetched but it is possible.

Lastly, it is not my place to tell you what to do with your friend. I think it is up to you to examine your own values and moral beliefs and compare them to his and from there make an informed decision. I hope this helps! ☻

:;ADDENDUM::
For all of you that believe that there is no hope of erasing that word from our language, it will always be used to dehumanize others if you just accept it without trying to do something about it.

Answer 2

No the way in which he used it was wrong. I hate that word and you will never hear me say it, I say the n-word just like people that aren't Black. I mean hate comes out when people are drunk or really upset and their guard isn't up. Your friend is racist he may not be as crazy as some of the people on Yahoo answers but he is displaying some uncool behavior, like you said he could have said I bet it was some druggies but he chose to use the N word : (

Answer 3

The line between racist and being proud of your nation is very blurred. Racist seems to apply to anyone who demonstrates any sort of nationalism, if thats the case then im a total racist and im not going to keep denying it. I have no problem with people living in their own weird ways, but if 'allah' or whatver god you worship cant provide for you in your home nation, then dont expect the uk to. Go to places like bradford and oldham and youll see what i mean. People whose any allegiance to this nation is the economic benefits and nothing more. Hence why the word is out that components to build bombs in afghanistan are being sent by british muslims. We need to shake this country up and send anyone who is not on our team packing.

Answer 4

No, it isn't possible. Even if it was, it would not be so in this situation because he assumed that somebody black broke into his car although he denied that the n word was in reference to a group. He is ignorant otherwise he wouldn't use such terminology, in fact, he would have a problem with it if he really understood why it is at the very least inappropriate to say that word at all. It is good you are considerin' the behavior and whether you will continue to be around it.

Answer 5

The used of the n-word by anyone is based upon their innermost thoughts and feelings. It may not be certain what these are but by consensus it is considered negative and offensive to a particular group of people. It is also highly prejudicial and possibly grossly unjust. Holding such a stereotypical judgment has been, and still is, dangerous to the perpetrator and its target. You might think it but don't say it - it is unacceptable in public.

Answer 6

Flippant answer: there's a skit floating around the net right now about the only two times when it's ok for a white person to use the n-word.

1. Civil war reenactments
2. When it's part of a larger word. ("And now we add 2 tablespoons of vi-****ER.") (and yes, I know that's not how you spell "vinegar." I don't write the jokes, I just repeat them.)

And no others. Ever.

Honest answer: let me share a related anecdote. I have a friend who, despite repeated exhortations on my part, insists on using the phrase "that's so gay" or using variations on the word "f*g" to express displeasure. Now, I've seen this guy interact with gay people, I've talked to him, heck, he lived in my apartment for half a year. He's not prejudiced against gays, I'd swear it in court. But where he grew up, that was just what you said, and he honestly does not understand why it might be hurtful to someone who's actually gay to use the word as if it were synonymous with "stupid." To him, the term is completely neutral - it's just a figure of speech. (side note: I'd love to say we've agreed to disagree. In reality, he's agreed not to say it around me, and I've agreed to punch him in the shoulder when he slips. I was never good at compromise.)

I bring this up because your friend may be in a similar situation. He may come from a background where ni**er is just something that's ok to say, and not realize it's really really not.

I forget the name of the comedian (because it's late and I should be in bed), but there was a black comedian in my childhood who made the joke about the difference between "black people" and "ni**ers". The latter, of course, indicating a subset of ignorant, stupid, unambitious, and mean-spirited people - such as you will find in every race, more's the pity. The joke was funny - no argument there - but it did serve to muddy the waters, by justifiying - in some people's minds, at least - the use of that word, because you could claim it didn't mean you were racist - you weren't referring to all black people, only to black people - any people, really - who fit the aforementioned category. Meanwhile, you have actual racists happily using the word to refer to all black people, no one knows who's who, it's one big muddle, and I could easily believe someone growing up in the midst of this thinking that it's a perfectly acceptable use of that word to refer to someone of any race who would be [insert word I can't say on Yahoo here] enough to steal his stereo.

Which is not to say it's ok. From a purely pragmatic stance, it's going to get him punched one day - if he's lucky - by someone who doesn't define the word the same way he does. It's also going to cause misunderstandings and hurt feelings, drive away potential friends and create a wedge between him and existing ones (like you). He needs to have it brought strongly to his attention that that word is not cool for him to say, no matter what he means by it. If he doesn't care about hurting other people, hopefully he'll at least have a decent enough sense of self-preservation to knock it off.

Basically, don't judge him solely on his words. Words can mean anything. Watch his actions. How does he act towards black people? Does he treat them any different than those of other races? What does he say when the idea of, say, interracial relationships is brought up? Does he have any close friends of other races? (Which may not be a deciding factor, just so you know... just one thing to look for among many.) Other than the use of that word, how does he talk about black people? Does he belittle them, condescend, etc.? Or does he generally ignore racial issues in his day to day conversation? This will tell you much more about whether or not he's a racist than his use or non-use of a particular word.

Answer 7

I, myself, have used terms and words that I absolutely did not mean. Perhaps it was just something I heard and got in the habit of saying. As someone once told me 'There are white n's, too.' If he shows no other signs of hating other races or colors, he probably is right and isn't prejudiced. Explain to him how it hurts others tho, so maybe he'll practice not saying it. If he really isn't, he'll work on it. If you care about him, you'll be patient with him.

Answer 8

no its too deragatory when people of other races use it. Like they take the word to a different level and say it in anger.

black people have tried to turn the word into something positive by using it as another term for "brotha" "friend".

When it used in anger or to stick it to someone then its racist..and white people in particular ..just cant use that word in the right way...if you guys were able to use it like positively that would be different ..but its been proven that just doesnt happen.

Answer 9

No, it's racist and ugly. I think it's a shame that black people use it as well. But, it is not spoken in the same context and it is not meant to be hateful (most of the time).

Answer 10

Even if he meant other races, his use was, and is racist. When the "N" word was use long ago it was used to describe black people who folks felt were less than them. So if he uses it he thinks the people are less than him, likes those thought of blacks, and some still do...