I have an awkard situation. My Indian boyfirend is going home for an arranged marriage. Please read further.?

Question

I am non Indian, and we have been together for a long time, and really love each other. It's breaking my soul knowing that he will get married to this woman, for family wishes. My question is, when he comes back, what are my chances of still being his girlfriend? Just the thought of him having relations with him is just too much, and he knows it. How the heck is he supposed to love me, yet make out , that he loves his new wife? Any insight is welcome, just dont please tell me that he is using me, cause that just isn't the case. We have a deep friendship and beautiful sex. Sra, but please write back in english, thanks.

Answer 1

I don't understand if you both love each other what the heck he's upto going to get married to another lady JUST to satisfy his parents. After all he has to live a long life with his wife not his parents. Secondly he has first right to choose his wife not his parents. He should have guts to tell his parents about his choice before they ask him to marry another lady. If he is sincere lover he should tell that its you whom he loves & want to marry, after all it’s his life. You both have been this relationship for 8 months that’s a good time to know each other mentally & in your case even physically. How he can be happy with another lady if he had a good relationship with you, rather he will be comparing you with you all the time that will be making both their life miserable. I fell you must ask him to consider this aspect before he marries another lady as his decision effects three lives not one. The best for any one is to be frank & bold enough to the whole world about his love & proceed to a union which suits him, in this case its you who should be his life partner even though not from his country but his real love which is more important. I feel really proud of my daughter that she had guts to tell me about her love & I made it a point to get her love for through out her life as her life partner, I seek the same cooperation from all the parents of the world for their kids as these kids are our future & if they are not happy now how they will be able to live a long life ahead of them.

Answer 2

If you are looking for answers, believe me each one of us would tell you the same thing. IT IS OVER! It would not be advisable to continus the relationship after he gets married. You would be spoiling so many lives & relationships.

Of course, it is not agreeable that he was committed. He could have married you. And do not ever tell us that he was not aware of the expectations & norms back at home (India). Still he established a relationship and did not keep it in a desired manner.

It is the time to say good bye and look at life positively. Of course; no one can stop you from being used by him when he comes back. But ask yourself as to whether the relationship has any future. If it had you should have married him, instead...

Take Care.

Answer 3

Sounds like U have made up Ur mind For Sure!!
If Ur boyfriend goes through with it, are U willing to be in second place? Would U if U were married to a man, Ur husband want to know or allow or even not know that he really doesn't want to be with U, but with someone else? Girl! taking a chance with this is a long shot, U might even grow to resent him if he does go through with the arranged marriage and still wants to see U on the side/sly....
Is the relationship worth losing possibly someone even more loving and giving that might come along, on a what if, he wants to be with U after he gets married, if he decides to do what his family wants him to do?
Definitely think it through all the scenarios that can possibly happen...
Take Ur Time and Do things RiTe

Answer 4

Been there. Except, I am Indian(but diff religion). Agree with all you said(including he is not using you), and I can kind of understand your difficult situation.

But, question is what to do? Lets tally who wants what & what are they getting: His parents are getting what they'd like. He is getting what he'd like(happy parents, understanding girlfriend, respect in community, "obeident boy stamp", wife, kids, married life), yes, a little difficult to manage married life & gf, but lots do.
You: the nightmare of imagining them together, uncertainity. The inevitable stamp of other-woman when affair becomes public. Yes, it will be called an extra-marital affair.
Marriage has lots of small things that make it solid. Staying up at night with a child, first smile of baby, strengthen bonds etc. You cannot compete with it.

For the both of you to get whatever happiness you can in the future, you do have to move on. No need to blame anyone. Just need to see the writing on the wall. The only one who has a choice is the guy. And looks like he has made his choice(reasons don't matter, and no need to judge his choice, just see what to do next).

It is very unfair. But, that is the way it is. And upto you to decide what next. Whatever happens, I would strongly suggest: no physical relations after he is married.

Answer 5

Fine Situation.... A perfect movie story but now its your turn to play your won role dear. An Indian boy, generally, will never go against the parents in case of marriage. But if you say that you both had the best relationship, boht mentally and physically, then that boy should think that how will he be able to get such a nice relationship from sumbody else?.
Perhaps, he may not be using you completely but WHAT do you say to a guy who wants to settle with someone else and be less satisfied with his life.
You can't help such a guy if by leaving you, he himself is inviting his bad luck.
But, if that doesn't matter to him, then you should also try forgetting him. Becasue being someone's Mistress is the worst thing to accept as you destiny.
Good Luck. Bye.

Answer 6

Whether an Indian or American He is too bad and sincerity has gone. God has given you a chance to know this world through him. He is worthless. God bless you. at last you have come to know that he is leaving you once for all. He is a coward.You can even take action against him by just giving a small complaint in your police station with the available proof you have. His pass port will be seized and he can not do any thing anywhere. But he is not worth spending your life with him. Better forget about him . It will be there in your mind for some days weeks, months. I hope you will slowly recover and I pray God to give the strength you want and also pray God for your future and rest of the life. All the best Yours VRVRAO

Answer 7

When you started this relationship you should have known that what is the Indian habit with marriage. Now your Indian b/f does not stick up for you, so I advice you to forget this love, and start a new one, with a non-Indian man. One Indian man is enough for a life. This Indian man says that he cannot do anything because his parents made this decision. He cannot make any decision. You should answer that, OK, you also made your own decision. This is the difference between the Indian and your cultures/habits.

Answer 8

AS AN INDIAN, I AM WELL AWARE OF THE WHOLE CATTLE CALL AND PAGANTRY THAT WE CALL THE ARRANGED MARRIAGE. THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, HE WILL DO THIS BECAUSE IT IS THE WAY OF TRADITION, AND A GOOD INDIAN CHILD OBEYS & HONORS HIS PARENTS AND MORE IMPORTANLY , TRADITION. WHERE DO YOU STAND? I'M NOT QUITE SURE.... HE WILL BE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS "WIFE", AND KIDS WILL SOON FOLLOW, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO STILL BE HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT I DON'T THINK THAT YOU ARE SEEING THE WHOLE PICTURE. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SECOND BEST. ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE BRINGS HIS WIFE OVER HERE. AND THEN WHAT WILL YOU DO? ITS A STICKY SITUATION. IF YOU DO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP AS YOU MENTIONED, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE A FRIEND AND BE HAPPY FOR HIM. BE A FRIEND, A PLUTONIC FRIEND, AT LEAST THIS WAY HE CAN STILL BE IN YOUR LIFE. TRUST ME, INDIAN WOMAN ARE VERY PROTECTIVE OF THEIR MEN... IF HE'S GOING OUT, SHE'S PROBABLY GOING WITH HIM... AND WHERE DO YOU FIT IN? ITS SUCH A DIFFICULT PREDICAMENT YOU'VE LANDED IN, MY ADVICE TO YOU? MAKE PEACE WIH IT B4 HE GOES TO INDIA....WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

Answer 9

It's unfair to you and his wife if you remain his mistress after he's married. The only person that benefits from the situation is HIM. If you are hurting now, imagine the pain and jealousy you have to go through being his mistress and knowing that he chose her over you for family reasons so he'll probably never divorce his wife for you either.

Although I don't know exactly why he MUST go through the arranged marriage but if he really loves you, he should be able to be a man and stand up for himself by saying no. Better cut your losses now.

Answer 10

If this person had really loved u, then he would have convienced his parents for marrying u but instead of that, he is going to India for marring a lady who he doesn't know at all. And u still want to continue the relationship which will have no name. the guy will be lucky that he will have a wife in India and a mistress over here. he will enjoy his life but have u thought about ur future.
If u think u both love each other trully, then ask him to marry u and take u to his hometown and introduce u as his wife to his family members. If he doesn't, then u have wasted ur time in loving such a person who has played with ur feelings.

Answer 11

Hi.People need to be upfront in these matters, as i myself recently married a punjabi, although his mother didnt like the idea becaused she loved her son she accepted his wishes and gave her blessings. she now acceptes me and my daughter. Indian marriages dont last, why because its two strangers being thrown together so the husband has a fling and stays married only due to shame on the family this is 2007 time for all people to realise love conqures all and always will,if he loves you he will refuse to marry this other woman if he goes ahead he didnt really love you and move on with your life this is his test in life.