My husband and I have been married for 4 years and together for 6. Three months ago, he moved out and said that he didn't want to be married anymore. I rarely talk with him now, because I will not call him. He acts as though he has just completely closed me out of his life, but I just cannot seem to do the same. I love him deeply, but I don't know if I should continue to leave him alone or try to communicate with him. When I do talk with him, I wind up crying and whining. So many people have said "look for him to be seeing someone else." I have and I don't see anything. I still have a lot of resources and friends that stumble on things and not one has let ANYTHING slip. I am really trying to be positive, but three months is a little long when we seem to be getting more distant with communication coming to just about nothing. Therapy wasn't for him; he quit. I still go to therapy, but I am to a point that I don't think cognitive help is really helping me. Any suggestions?
2007-07-17 16:34:54 · 11 answers · asked by cathy c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Love, I have to tell you... move on. I was in the same position 7 years ago. My husband STILL does not keep in touch. My husband meant what he said when he said he didn't want to be married. Your husband probably did too. Understand this; it will get harder before it gets better. You will cry a lot. Don't beg or cry to him. Keep your dignity and self respect for a later day when you can look back and be proud. Trust me. He will respect you for it and any woman after you( and there will be one) will have to work hard and she will never live up to what he knows and respects about you. I know this firsthand. You will get over him somewhere down the road and he will still be wondering why he left you. Join meetups.com and go out and meet new people. Keep yourself busy. Let noone tell you to rush! You'll get there in your own time. Grieve, get it out, keep moving. I still love my husband... 7 years later. But I am no longer in love with him. I am just now getting ready for a divorce. It takes time. Don't waste time dwelling on the past and lost dreams. Create a new day for yourself! I've had two marriage proposals in these 7 years because someone recognizes what a fabulous woman I am. It will happen for you, too! Concentrate on you! It's gonna be alright...
2007-07-17 17:10:14 · answer #1 · answered by tia8365 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. I don't know. I would hate to see you put yourself in a situation where you are pouring your heart out to him and are met with only a brick wall.
This sounds like a situation where an ultimatum might be the best thing. Maybe you should say, hey...I am willing to give it another try if you are, but you have had plenty of time to think and I won't be strung along this way. So, either we get back together, or we call it quits. Yesss, I know that is not what you want. But if you just let him know it is me or a divorce, it might make him start thinking. He may know that you are willing to wait as long as it takes...and that isn't good for you. Here you are left wondering after three months and there is something wrong with that picture. So, in a nutshell.. it will either make him realize how much he loves you and doesn't want to lose you, OR if he says that wants a divorce, then try to just be glad that you finally have an answer. It is terrible to have to wonder like that.
Allow yourself to be angry. He owes it to you to at least let you know where he stands. I'm sure you don't like living in limbo. Good luck to you...and take care. Hope this helps.
2007-07-17 23:53:36 · answer #2 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, your friends are right...no man leaves his wife without having a mistress stashed away somewhere. One day you will find out the truth. In the meantime, go for therapy to help you get through this. It is difficult to be rejected and the pain is horrible, but be a survivor, not a victim. Show this man that you are going to pick yourself up off the floor and move on with your head held high. Don't call him, and if he does speak with you don't cry or whine...just try to be calm and strong. As you loved him deeply, one day, after you heal, you can love again. But it will take time...In the meantime, try not to dwell on this breakup. Try to find something that interests you. Take a class in your local college. Have some friends over for dinner. Take a short mini weekend vacation. Keep your mind occupied...and be strong and I assure you will survive this and eventually will meet another person who will love you..
2007-07-18 00:24:35 · answer #3 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first husband did not want to be married anymore and he moved out, too. It was very hard. He was seeing others and drinking. I could not be friends with mutual friends because they distorted anything I said.
You are going to have to open up the lines of communication to either reconcile or divorce. You both seem to be avoiding the situation...it will not go away.
Resolve to meet and talk. Be strong and firm. Have your questions written out so you do not stray from the topic. DO NOT WHINE, BEG, OR CRY. Stand up for yourself. If he will not go to counseling with you, you need to keep going. If there is not chance of things working out--you file for divorce. Do not wait on him to decide.
People should not get divorced until all avenues of reconciliaton have been explore...if he will do that.
Good luck! This to shall pass, time heals.
2007-07-17 23:48:29 · answer #4 · answered by mbpowell1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
baby there is just some things that u have to let go. and if he have moved out 3 months ago and the communication is not there anymore if you have no children then move on with your life and get a divorce so when you start dating again you are not commititng adultery and the same with him. some things just dont last forever
2007-07-17 23:43:43 · answer #5 · answered by really loved 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From ready your story, If there has been no problems in your marriage and then all of the sudden he wants out, then there is someone new in the picture. My opinion on this, I believe you should move on, I know you will be hurting and if you need your friends here on Q&A to cheer you up just ask us and we will respond, take care and good luck.
2007-07-18 00:00:21 · answer #6 · answered by J1 M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on, he has. The man doesn't love you. Too bad he didn't have the guts to tell you like a man, but that's why he's a jerk. The question should be, "why am I letting this loser manipulate my life and my heart? Am I not worth more?" Get up off the floor, see a lawyer and get on with your life.
2007-07-17 23:48:47 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband quit therapy too. I think that you should move on but you don't have to be in a hurry. Just relax a little and take your time. This is something that takes time to heal from.
2007-07-17 23:40:29 · answer #8 · answered by Blue Love Aura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is over and you should move on. If he doesn't want to go to therapy then he more than likely doesn't feel like working on your relationship. Love isn't the only thing that you should base your relationship on. You deserve someone willing to work for you.
2007-07-17 23:44:17 · answer #9 · answered by mahdiya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is one thing to be positive and another to be realistic. Realistically, it takes two people and their efforts to stay together. It seems as though he gave up.
Its really hard but time to move on.
Its not you and dont ever blame yourself. I think its time for a girls night out.
2007-07-17 23:50:30 · answer #10 · answered by Tracy L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋