I am recently separated after 15+ yrs and will be living on my own for the first time. I am concerned about if I will be able to "start over" again. I make plenty of money but have never managed it well. I am scared I will fall on my face and be forced to come back humiliated. Any help?
2007-07-17 14:00:22 · 24 answers · asked by Aa_Ron 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time... When undertaking something as large as starting over, take it one step at a time.. First, I found a cheap one bedroom sleezy apartment that was furnished. .. LOL.. then, I saved, bought the things I had room for (mostly yard sales to start).. and saved some more.. took time looking for a better house... moved in.. bought a bed, a couch and a tv.. LOL.. then, slowly bought more as I adjusted to paying bills on my salary and finding out what I could budget.. LOL.. then, moved up as I became more confident. YOU CAN DO IT!
2007-07-17 14:07:00 · answer #1 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Starting all over again can be rough - but if you will flip your mind for a moment and accept this new experience with an open mind and an adventure, you will find many on the same journey you are on. Find others who, like you are newly separated or divorced. You'd be surprised at the number of people who will help you get situated. It will take some time, but you can do it. If necessary, allow your bank to assign a financial advocate to help you manage your money. Work with that person until you are able to understnand all the things you have to pay for and how your money is working for you. Additionally, take some community classes on finance, and other hobbies or things you might want to persue. Sometimes you will feel lonely in the evening hours when your phone does not ring, but don't be disappointed. Get out there and meet people. Join some clubs or take up dance lessons. Now is the time for you to concentrate on you - take a trip -get a massage at a nice spa.. Treat yourself well. Change up your wardrobe - get someone to help you get a new look for the fall. You are beautiful. You are special and you are loved. If you own your own home, you might want to do some decorating. Whatever you do, just realize that you are capable and able to do all the things you need to do. There is a plethora of valuable information, and people who can help you. You go girl!!! Smile a lot - and find happines and thanksgiving in everything you do. I wish you well. I know how you feel. I have been there and it's not as difficult as you think - just go for it.....
2007-07-20 20:12:00 · answer #2 · answered by THE SINGER 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel scared after a split like that. My advice for managing your finance is based on my own experience.
1. Sit down and make a list of your expenses. (Everything from average beer consumption to rent/car/utilites/groceries).
2. If you use direct deposit- stop. Put enough money in your account for bills. Use your account for bills only and leave your card at home. Use cash for everything else. (Gas, snacks, whatever).
The reason this worked for me is because it forced me to become aware of how I spend my money. Using the card all the time, it almost became play money because I didn't keep track of $5 here or $20 there.
You most definately can start over. Money is the smallest part of it. Hang out with other family and friends who are supportive. Those people who may not agree, but support you regardless. Having a strong support system is just as important because you'll go through a lot of questioning as well.
Good luck to you!
2007-07-17 21:10:06 · answer #3 · answered by trippedits 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath, face forward, relax. Take one foot and place it in front of the other. Rest if you need to, readjust if necessary and when ready, move the other foot in front of you. This is an ongoing process and takes practice as it did the first time. Funny thing is that this time things are more familiar and you have more answers for problems. Your experience will not make you sacrafice or compensate. Breathe deep, stay focused and take another step. Life is not a race, there is no pace you have to follow or expectation to live up to. Those that start over and try to run when walking or crawling is the solution are the ones that fall. Breathe deep, relax and take another step. No one is pushing you and if they are let them pass if they are impatient or you are in their way. It is your life so start where it is comfortable and successful even if you need to crawl first. When you start walking no one will remember you crawling and if you do have one that does remember they will have respect for you. Do not be afraid to be yourself and take things at a pace that allows you to live life balanced. The same problems are still there, the same obstacles are still there many of the ones you have been over before. New obstacles might appear and your experience will give you insight as to the solutions. Don't feel like you have to do it all in one day because that is not right and you don't. Set you some short and long range goals just like before, take a deep breath and move a foot in the future with no fear, watching and being aware of your surroundings and satisfied with your progress. Breathe and take another step if you think that is what you need based on how you feel and your ability. Life hasn't changed you have. The same is the same, you need to bring yourself back to balance with life, your life one step at a time. To answer your question, no you should not be scared, but having been where you are I know different and the natural thing is to fear going again where we have been sometimes repeating the steps to where we want to be. So what, you did it the first time with no experience so do not fear what you know. The only thing that will make you fail or be unhappy is if you let fear dominate and stand in the way of all you know. There is nothing to be afraid of as frightening as the change appears. Eliminate the worst enemy from the beginning, you. If you are not afraid there is very little to keep you from living life, your fear manifest in yourself will cripple and keep you from happiness, it is like fighting with the wind. Breathe, relax and when you are ready take a step, then when ready another. The process is easy so don't over think it. If you try to conquer all the problems before you start your legs will not move and your mind collapse as it cannot be done. Breathe, stay focused, take another step. Before long you will be walking the walk of life again with confidence and happiness. good luck to you.
2007-07-17 21:40:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No,don't be scarred.Take it easy,one day at atime.
You can learn to manage your money simply because you have to.Figure out what you need to set aside each week to pay your bills and stick to it. An easy way is to have a separate bank account just for your payments.Set the money aside each week and leave it there.
You can do this with a lot of determination and you'll gain back your independance.Just prove to everyone that you won't fail and fall flat on your face.Be strong and determined!!!
Good Luck.
2007-07-17 21:16:14 · answer #5 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aaron, you don't have to worry. The 15 yrs. you spent living with someone has only made you stronger and smarter. But, if you feel you will fail you probably will simply because...YOU THINK IT! Use the law of attraction to get you where you want to be in your life and much more. I've helped many guys use this law to there advantage everyday. I'm using right now and I can tell you things are going to be just fine. I give 1 free hour of yahoo messenger consultation to get you started if you're interested. It's you life.
David Sexton, The Law of Attraction.
2007-07-17 21:36:42 · answer #6 · answered by Captain Obvious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way, don't be scared! If you make a budget, which you can find a free printable template if you follow this link
http://www.free-financial-advice.net/budget.xls
you can definitely manage your finances and be on your feet again in no time!
Get with some friends go out and have a great time, and remember that the key to a successful relationship (other than trust and all that other stuff...) is to learn from this relationship and remember what made it fail, but don't let it interfere with new ones.
Good luck!
2007-07-17 21:14:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, my bro-in-law is doing the exact same thing except with a child. I dont' know if you have children or not. This is the advice I gave him and my sis-in-law....no matter what happens in your life, you HAVE to keep living it. The world is still going to revolve no matter what happens to you. You can CHOOSE to force yourself to make it or you can wallow in your worry and stress. God knows that's not a life to live. You have to pick your head up and say "I can do it. I've still got it." As far as your bills go, what you need to do is sit down and make a list of all of your bills that are due each month with their due dates and estimated cost. Make sure everytime you get paid you pay your bills that are due FIRST and then what's left over, take half and save, the rest, you can do with what you please. Good luck. You won't have to go back humiliated unless you want to.
2007-07-17 21:16:23 · answer #8 · answered by Christy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will do just fine. It is understandable you are scared. My ex was scared when we separated after 16 years of marriage. But if you are determined to make it on your own, you can do it. Get a planner and write all your bills down and just stay organized with your finances and you will be fine. Don't just settle on the first person that comes along! Learn to be independent! You can do it!
2007-07-17 21:07:24 · answer #9 · answered by Twinkle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
relax - do not be in hurry about anything - if you think something is passing you by because of relaxing - remember there will be more.
Really take your time - do not go out and make major purchases, do not commit to a new relationship, do not move to a new city, state, or country.
Focus on yourself, your job, and daily routine.
Make 2 lists - one is for the things you consider important / like managing your money, the second list is for the things you consider unimportant/ like being humiliated.
Focus your energies to the good list and avoid things that lead you to the bad list.
After you have satisfaction with your status quo you can add new things/like friends or wardrobe.
2007-07-17 21:23:01 · answer #10 · answered by kitchenheatindex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋