I think im gay, but i cant be what can i do?

Question

Okay so after struggling with the idea that i could be gay, ive come to realize i most likely am. But i just can not be gay, i wanna like guys but i just dont get that feeling around them that i do when im with a girl i like. Im young so im hoping its just a phase, but i just cant deal with being gay. I just dont want to be gay and idk what to do.

Answer 1

you are not obligated to be straight.

Answer 2

If you hate the idea of being gay, it is most likely because of a religion that tells you it is a bad thing. They can offer you the alternative of celebacy. What do you think priests and nuns have done for centuries? Hide in the cloister to convince yourself that all sexuality is bad, therefore not having to think about what sort of partners you would have if you had any.

It's an alternative, but not a very attractive one to me. Still, I believe there have been nuns who were very happy with their lives.

Or you could try thinking about why you say things like "i just can not be gay." You say you are young. Yes, it is possible that this is just a phase. It's not uncommon for girls to be sufficiently frightened of heterosexuality that they develop crushes on older teachers or girl scout leaders, or something like that. But I think if you were naturally heterosexual, you would know the difference.

I don't know. I am naturally bisexual, so I have come to terms with the idea that I just like being physically close to the people I love. I'm old enough for it to be largely irrelevant now, but again, if religion is the hang-up, there are religions that are not anti-gay. Indeed, the Metropolitan Church is a gay Christian church. That might be the way to resolve the dilemma.

Take your time. Don't pressure yourself, and don't judge yourself harshly for what you naturally feel. Decide what you are going to do about what you feel, and while you are young, you may as well opt for celebacy at least for awhile. Take your time.

Answer 3

To not want to be who you are...
That's kind of sad, actually, but understandable. Let me extrapolate: You don't want to be gay, because you've been told all your life that's it's wrong, that people won't like you or love you as much if you are, that you're parents will freak if you can't get married and give them grandchildren.

How'd I do?

It might be "just a phase." But if it isn't, then you're going to have to figure out how to live with it. Try and figure out exactly why you "can't be gay." Then find a good therapist. Not someone who says he can make you straight--that doesn't work. At best, you can fool yourself for a few years, but after that you'll be in an even worse mess. Find someone who can help you love WHO YOU ARE--instead of what everyone tells you you should be.

Answer 4

Are you interested in every girl that you're around, or is it just one particular girl? Have you ever actually been with a woman? I do not think that you are gay. You are probably just meeting really lame guys that you are not interested in and now you are curious about the same sex. Try it out.....you might actually not even like women. I am not gay, but I have thought about the possibility of being with a woman. Don't worry the time will come one day and you will just know.

Answer 5

I feel the same as you, but its not that i DON'T want to be gay. I'm also doubting its just a phase. I like guys but i don't have the same feeling when im around the girl i like. I've had a lot of boyfriends before, Maybe IT IS just a phase. I guess its ok, its part of growin up we don't really know who we r yet. its ok don't worry about it. With all the hormones raging, part of growin' up, we experiment, we still have a lot to learn, thats what makes life interesting, if we knew everything, life would be BORING. These mysteries, some we need to solve, and some are not ment to be solved just ACCEPTED.

hope dis helps, holla me if u need anything. . .^__^

Answer 6

What can you do? You can either accept it or deny it and trust me when I say denial is one bad emotional hell. Based on the time line in your previous question, this not likely a phase. It is a part of who you are. Why can't you be? Because you don't want to be? Too bad. Life doesn't always work out the way you want to. All you can do is deal with what life hands you and try to make the most of this life. If you're gay then learn to accept it as a part of who you are. As I stated, denial is unhealthy. As for that latter part, what can't you deal with about being gay? Resolving your faith with your sexuality? It is possible to be gay and spiritual or even gay and religious. You've just got to work at it, just like everything else that's good out there. Not living up to your parent's expectations? Nobody lives up to their parent's expectations. Everyone fails to live the perfect life their parents have planned out for them. The key is to be honest with them and make an effort to maintain a strong family bond even if you don't see eye to eye. Are you worried about how others will treat you? No matter who you turn out to be people will hate you. There isn't a single thing you can do to prevent that. Also, you're likely still in high school. People in high school treat each other like crap to build themselves up all the time. The only difference being gay makes is that it makes you an easier target in some places. Find friends that aren't hateful and judgmental and don't waste time on people that are. Are you worried that it will hold you back in life? We're slowly gaining equal rights and there are many wealthy, powerful people out there that are LGBT. It doesn't hold you back if you work for the every-growing list of tolerant employers. Many employers are providing partners benefits and the tide is changing on the battle for marriage rights. In many states GLBT persons are proud parents raising their kids with their partners right next to the straight couples doing the same. Don't hate yourself. Don't deny yourself. Instead accept yourself for who you are and take pride in who you are, including your sexuality.

Brightest blessings,
Sarah

Answer 7

Hey hon.
This is hard for you, as it is for anyone.
The world may say that you must make your decision now and jump in bed with a certain gender to prove it.
Its your life. You have all the time in the world. When you wake up; its you. When you sleep; its you.
No one else can life in your being as you do.
Your heart should guide you. I realized that for me,
Im just straight. Having a different feeling is fine,
its just another thing that makes you you.
TRUTH: You cant change what you feel,
but you can decide how youll act upon it.

Answer 8

Maybe the best thing to do here is take it slow.
You dont have to decide today, or any time soon.
You don't even have to come to a final decision - just let life guide you.
If you don't trust life to guide you (life can be untrustworthy some times), a counsellor to help if you can't talk to your parents/family ?
Time brings perspective - things I once panicked about I now look back on and think "that wasn't so bad."

Answer 9

I don't understand. Whats wrong with being gay? I'm strait but have no problem with it. How young is young? Besides a lot of young people go through this stage of wandering. Wait and see, you might be or not. Either way be your self. The Truth

Answer 10

Sorry to break it to you, but ANYONE can be gay. Like it or not. It's not something dirty or shameful. There's no need to be so afraid of it, while I do understand why you could be. And I feel sorry for you about that. Now, you can either accept it, and live in a happy relationship someday, or fill your life with meaningless ones while simultaneously lying to yourself. Which sounds better to you?

Answer 11

You like what you like. I'm not gay or feeling that way so I can't really tell you what to think. If it is a phase you'll find yourself in time.