I'm about 7+ weeks pregnant and happy to be, even though it was unexpected. Now my husband wants to get divorce because he says he's tired of the drama.. Let me explain..
He has been back for a little over two months from Iraq and things have not been going perfectly. To say more, we've been fighting a lot for the last month even before I knew I was pregnant... He's been violent and has broken stuff, including his xbox and my computer, have yelled the worst things that a person can say and push me and even hit my car with the door of his... Last Thursday was our last fight when I told him that his actions weren't normal and that he needed help..soon after he left the house, leaving me with everything, cats, dog, cars..for which I told him I need help with.
Well, he ran away to NY with his friend without telling me and since I wasn't able to take care of the puppy, I went looking for him without knowing where he was..Called even his command and that's how I found out where he was.
2007-07-17
13:44:53
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43 answers
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asked by
myliz
3
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
Finally he gets back yesterday and when I tried to talk to him he said that he doesn't want to see me or be involve with the baby and asked me not to bother him again, of course after he told me to f*ck off! and that he wants to be divorce...
2007-07-17
13:48:11 ·
update #1
I'm really sorry your going through this. I know it hurts to go through this right now but give him his space. If he has pushed he may hit. He has violent outburst and it may have alot to do with him coming home from the war. Trust me when I tell you this has really nothing to do with you. Your husband isn't the same person he was befor his tour of duty.
If he wants to go let him. Just tell him how you feel and let him know that you love him and ask him to get dome help. If he is gone for a longer then 2 weeks or almost a month tell him the things he left behind need to be attended to and if he doesn't want them then he'll need to get someone else to take care of it.
Good Luck!!!!!!
2007-07-17 14:10:55
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answer #1
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answered by lifeisbeautiful 3
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Obviously this is not healthy for yourself or baby. I know many people who have served in Iraq return in a different mental state than they left. He is probably used to an agressive and possibly very violent atmosphere from him time over there. If you are able to assist him in getting the help that he needs (because he obviously is not the same) then I hope things could turn around for you. He probably needs some help dealing with things he may have experienced or needs help readjusting. I hope this is able to work out for the two of you, but if by the time the baby is born if he has not gotten some help and things have not changed, you may be glad he is not planning to be around.
2007-07-17 15:02:17
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answer #2
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answered by E! 2
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I see what others are writing, but i thnk I might have a different take on this. Your husband needs help and he needs it ASAP!! My best guy friend just returned from over seas and he was 100% different then he was before. You dodn't say how he was "before" so I am just going with my thoughts here. You have to understand the things that he probaly saw over there. Even if he had a "easy" job, he still had to live with the thought that at ANY second he could die. So please whatever is going on right now, don't make this all about you. Go see his Chaplin, try to get him to go with you. Even if you go by yourself, the Chaplin can talk to the command and get him help. There is always the chance that your husband just really doesn;t want to be married to you, but i think that it might be more. He is just comeing back from a place where lives were fought for and lost every day, and now he has to figure out how to live a normal life and take care of a new little soul. Have faith, pray...ALOT, and be strong. If you want to stay married, then fight for what you have. Email me if you need a friend byebrn7@yahoo.com
2007-07-17 14:30:29
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answer #3
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answered by Brandi 5
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Probably, Serious post tramatic stress thanks to the Iraq thing. I am sorry you both have to go through this. He knows he is not in his right frame of mind right now and may not know if he will ever recover. I can only imagine all he went through over there and it would still not be the tip of the iceberg.
I think deep down he is the man you once knew but messed up. He knows he loves you and wants to protect you and the baby that means even from him. He is pushing you away. SO let him.
You need to honor this pushing you away. You have to think of you and the little one now. Maybe he will get help and the effects will wear off in time. But your first priority is to your baby even in the womb. Let him have his space/divorce he cannot control himself right now and knows it. Your safety and the baby's comes first. Best wishes.
2007-07-23 17:05:52
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answer #4
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answered by Woman in Red 4
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look b4 u start listening 2 everyone here is something 2 try i am married to a marine when he got home is was not easy they have seen and done things over there that no one will ever understand unless they are there when u have 2 go thru somethng that tragic u can only shut those emotions down it might just be to hard for him and u out of all people know how they are broken down and rebuilt give him a minute let him face his demons stand by him i know from experince talk to his chain of command and ask them for help with him that is there job they will be able to guide u more than any1 else keep your head up if anything email me @ letty_alfonso@yahoo.com Remeber it will not be easy but if it something you want fight for it and give it everything u have b4 you give up he will break and guess what u will b there 4 him and that is something no 1 can do 4 him but u good luck sweetie my best wishes
2007-07-23 11:25:08
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answer #5
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answered by letty_alfonso 1
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I am so, so sorry that you are the victim of your husband's obvious emotional and mental breakdown. I would charge all of this to his stint in Iraq. We will never know the brunt of what our servicemen have had to suffer over there. However, right now, you and your baby's welfare are most important. I know this is a lot to chew, but I honestly believe that if you are a strong person, you will be able to get through this with the help of family and friends. Your state of mind is going to be very important right now. First, can you continue to live where you are now? If not, you might want to find other quarters. Please consult your family and pastor, or other clergy if you have one. Allow your husband the space he needs because it is obvious is violent and he is taking that out on you - and that is a no-no. Please try and stay calm., and prayerful. Be as peaceful as you can. Let him know he needs to take the animals off your hands. If he won't, please give them to someone who can care for them. Let his Commanding Officer know what is going on and how he is treating you. It needs to be on paper the problems he is having. You need some allies and some peace of mind.
I hope that he will get some help, but if he doesn't you still need to care for yourself and your unborn child.
I will pray for you and I do wish you the best throughout this season - keep in my that you are 'going through' - trouble is not there to stay.
2007-07-20 13:01:22
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answer #6
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answered by THE SINGER 7
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As a Desert Storm vet, I am going to say some things that you will not like, but I will be honest. War changes people and without God he is never going to change back. I got pregnant as soon as I returned from Iraq, but I was very different and we actually broke up too. We have gotten back together and we are happily married. The big thing is that during war, it is a cesspool of cheating and infedelity. Chances are that he spent "time" with a fellow female soldier.
He is a soldier and you are entitled to BAQ at least that is what it was called when I was in. You need to get a civilian attorney that will be in constant contact with JAG as soon as possible.
If you believe in God, go down on your knees and pray. I know what it means to be at odds with the one that you love and carrying their child at the same time. Cry when you need too and pray your way through it.
You have got to make sure that you eat and take care of yourself for your baby. Don't chase him down. Go on with your life and try to spend time doing fun things. Chances are that he is having a fling. Crazy as it sounds, he is seeing that this other person was there when you were not. He is going to come sniffing back around, that I can almost guarantee.
Concentrate on being a mother. Don't rush a new relationship. Be blessed and best wishes to you.
2007-07-17 22:33:21
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answer #7
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answered by 2fine4u 6
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Well, you did say he has recently returned from Iraq. I am sure that has affected him in some way. I think he needs some major counseling!! Maybe when he calms down a little and is a little more approachable, you could tell him you understand what he may be going through and wish he would sit down w/ a counselor and get help sorting through is irrational feelings. Hopefully he will be willing to do that and come back to his senses!
If he refuses.. as hard as it may be, you can't make someone stay, you will just have to let him go. It will be hard, I know, I have been a single mom, but you can do it! Try not to get too worried or stressed out for the sake of the baby, but just take it one day at a time and keep yourself busy with your friends and family!
Best of luck to you!!!
2007-07-17 14:00:59
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answer #8
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answered by hereigoagain 4
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Do you live on post? The Army has counselors who deal with marriage problems . Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is also a real possibility. You need to talk to someone about what is going on. Were you having problems before he left for Iraq? You need to be sure that you have somewhere to go if he returns and the violence escalates. Do you have a plan on where the nearest local shelter is and hopefully you have some money socked away. Talk to someone at the Family Support Group on post they will be able to point you in the right direction to get help.
2007-07-17 14:07:12
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answer #9
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answered by Mama Mia 7
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He doesn't have to be involved with the baby, and from his behavior it's likely better for the baby anyway. But he will pay regardless. It's his responsibility and the army will enforce it.
However another issue here is you. You have to understand war changes people and when it does, it is rarely in a good way. It sounds like you need to just move on with your life. He needs help and maybe one day when he gets it...he will see what he did to you, but you don't need to be treated that way. It will only get worse if he stayed.
I am sorry this has happened to you. I know that the baby to come will be loved by you, and if you move on, you can again open your heart to a man that will be a good father to your child....
Be well.... your husband doesn't know what he is losing....so sad. But you need to move on for your own safety and sanity.
2007-07-17 14:48:59
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answer #10
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answered by westfield47130 6
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