Its going on 17 years together and it hasnt always been good. For many years I tried to get out of the marriege. I got married and became a mother at 18. Anyway, 2 years ago, things were bad and I found out that my husband was having an affair. Since then I forgave him and moved on and we have been doing okay. For the past several months, Our sex life has been very routine or nothing. As a result, I became curious and I began a sexual relationship with another man. It lasted for about 4 months. I dont have feelings for the guy but I think that this guy has feelings for me. My husband has no idea that I did anything. The guilt of my cheating is killing me and I want to tell him, but I dont know how. I know that it will hurt him alot and I know that one day I will have to tell him. If you was in my shoes, what would you do? I tried to end the relationship with the other guy. We havent been together for about 6 months. But, just the other day, he called and I saw him and we slept together
2007-07-17 11:30:45 · 25 answers · asked by its not that serious 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I got to the point that I dont have a conscience.. Waht should I do? Im trying to find the courage, but it will destroy everything.. I dont know what to do...
2007-07-17 11:32:03 · update #1
Don't tell your husband. He'll leave for sure. Of course, you forgave him...but women are programmed differently. We're nurturers...and usually most of us...not all, but most will give a cheating guy another chance. BUT IF YOU DO IT AND HE FINDS OUT...you can forget about it babygirl...so no...don't tell 'em...but let the other dude go. Spice up your sex life with your husband again. I guess you explored because you hooked with him at such a young age, then had a child by 18...so maybe you just tried someone else. I'm not saying it was right...but it happened...and you should let it be your past now. The other guy...is just getting off sweety. Definitely let him go. You're sleeping with him and you say you think he has feelings...doesn't matter...does he know you're married? just move on with that and if you love your husband and the family that the two of you have built...then let the extramarital affair go. good luck.
2007-07-17 11:48:18 · answer #1 · answered by just me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, Girl!! U totally know what U have to do and not do, if U get my drift!
U said it urself, U need to tell Ur husband, there is a 50-50 chance he will forgive U, just as U forgave him....but be prepared for whatever outcome may happen!! Who really knows why it happened the first time, when Ur husband did it, so hopefully he will be open mined enough to forgive U, however, U slipped up when U slept with the guy again!! Step back and re-evaluate what U really want in life...to try and work things out with Ur husband....or.....to explore....
Ur are both adults...all 3 of U in this case and should be able to chose what U really want to do...
God Bless and Good Luck!!
2007-07-17 11:45:53 · answer #2 · answered by SuasGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage is over, but it is more convenient to stay than leave, right? You can't sleep with the other guy and you can't tell your husband you cheated. You can leave, file for divorce and then do what you want, but it is time to get up and get out and get on with the happy part of your life? Are you going to live this crap another 17 years? Tomorrow is a gift. You might not have it. Grab your self-esteem and pack it in your suitcase. It is time to call it a day.
Sorry to be so blunt and sorry for all you two have been through, but do what is right, not what is easy. You are hoping to get caught so hubby walks. Save him the pain and humiliation and call this marriage done, but please don't tell him you cheated. Just go.
2007-07-17 12:10:47 · answer #3 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep your mouth shut and file for divorce as soon as possible! No explanation to your soon to be ex husband is necessary, cause what you did was your business, so long as you had your affair away from home and your kids weren't present. You proved to yourself that your stock is still HOT! and that you have valid wants needs and desires. The time with your soon to be ex is history. If you want to tell your husband, write a letter, seal it, put it in a safe deposit box and state in your will upon your death that the sealed letter be given to your ex....men don't look at affairs the same way women do..to them its just sex...to women, its validation of being an attractive woman. After your divorce seek counseling for yourself, change your hairdo, get some new clothes, work out, possibly get a new job and live your life the way you were meant to...you deserve it and you don't apologize for what you feel you deserve!
2007-07-17 11:56:22 · answer #4 · answered by wildchild38 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like both of you have infedelity issues. Your hubby shouldn't be too mad because he was doing the same thing you are. You know what they say, what goes around, comes around 10 fold.
The thing is, you don't sound happy. Perhaps you've just gotten used to being married and don't know how to live any other way. However, it's not fair to either one of you. If you don't love him (or vice versa) you two really need to split ways and move on with your lives.
You do need to tell him. He deserves to know. I realize that it's going to be difficult, but you were the one who made the decision to have an affair and the time has come to be mature about the situation and tell your hubby what has been going on. I know you said you wanted to end it with the guy, but I don't know if I really believe that. If you wanted to end it, you wouldn't have met him and had sex the other day!
2007-07-17 11:37:24 · answer #5 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, when he called you, why did you go to him(the guy you are having an affair with)? maybe you have a little feelings for him? anyway, it is probably right that you tell your husband because if you want a relationship to work, you have to be honest with each other. tell him that you had no intentions of hurting him and dont know what got over yourself (if that's a lie, still say it to make him feeel better, lol). tell him that you dont have feelings for this guy and that you will try to forget this like he did. tell him that you are saying this because it is better for him to know from you, rather than finding out himself. remind him that you fargave him when he cheated on you. tell him how you feel about sex and what you want him to do about it. anyway, if you want to get divorced, than do it... no one is stopping you. but, tell yourself what would happen if you did break up. try to find the good reasons but also the bad reasons to see if it is worth it.
2007-07-17 11:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by Candy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa sister you are in deep do do aren't you?
You are only as sick as your secrets sums it up fairly good. So the question becomes if you keep this a secret and find you can keep this from him what's to stop you from doing this again & again until you do get caught??
I don't beleive you will stop and I also think you want to have your cake & eat it too.
I think you want to have some way to rationalize this.
You should tell your husband & make plans to leave him so you can sleep with other guys. So go on and do it don't worry about the destruction & pain you'll leave behind so long as you can get what you want. Right?
2007-07-17 11:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship can not be based on lies. When he cheated on you did he tell you or did you find out on your own? If you want to keep your marriage be honest with your feelings. Tell him what you want out of sex. Tell him what turns you on and off try new things buy a sex book. Do things that will bring back the flame in your mar rage. I hope he forgives you for cheating as you forgave him.
2007-07-17 11:40:29 · answer #8 · answered by Wendy H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once someone cheats the marriage is over, how do you get over your spouse sleeping with someone other than you. Both of you will end up having trust issues and always questioning each other, this will create more problems if anything. Sometimes you just got to know when things are salvageable or you should just let go.
2007-07-17 11:43:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first time would be one thing and actually forgivable, the second 6 months afterwords is another, it appears you actually like being used for how should we say someones release, and have no love for your husband, he is just a paycheck. You say you feel guilty yet do it again. The marriage is over, let him know and then go to your gigolo, have the decency to let him off the hook. It is the only right and decent thing to do
2007-07-17 11:44:24 · answer #10 · answered by Pengy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋