For those married a long time I have a question?

Question

How have you handled things when marriage was not what you expected? Do you find that marriage takes more effort than you are able to give? How do you have a healthy happy long lasting marriage and how are you able to endure the hardships? I just lost my job today and now I have to start all over again. My husband is a great man and I do love him I never thought we would be struggling with job issues and fianaces being married over 13 years. I thought things were supposed to get better and easier with time but it is not getting easier it is gettting harder and harder and tougher and tougher how do you handle when things $uck and are disapointing at times even when you follow God and do the best you can? Thank you for any answers.

Answer 1

With time marriage is supposed to get easier.If you are a well matched couple.Has you grow together and learn about each other.Marriage gets easier.That doesn't mean it will always be easy nor does that mean life in general will get easier.If your hubby is a great man has you say.Than have faith in him and your marriage.Believe that has long has you two are there for eachother all things are possible.I understand how bad it sucks when you lose a job and or have financial problems.Been there to the point of bankruptcy.When my hubby lost his job a few years ago.We lost everything but our son and our home.And if my mom and dad hadn't been there to help us out with one of our mortgage payments we would have probably lost our home.I am not saying that it didn't take its toll on us.It was a very stressful time.But at no point were we having what I would call marrital problems.We may have both been depressed.Going from having a new house,2new cars and everything you could imagine.To driving a 20 year old jeep.And almost losing our home.But we knew we could get past it.Has long has we were together.Since he couldn't take care of us financially. went back to work to help him.That is one of the greatest parts of being married.You always have someone who has got you back.If things go wrong.I am not a real religious person.I mean I believe in a higher power and all of that.But Im not a big praying person.The whole saying about god helping people whom help themselves always run through my mind when things go wrong.I guess what I am getting at here is stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out and do something to change your situation.And has for hardships.
They are a part of life.It doesn't matter if you are married or single.Life isn't easy and it doesn't get easier with age.Sh*t happens.And life sucks from time to time.Just be thankful you have someone to love and whom loves you.

Answer 2

I have been married 22 years and my husband and I are still struggling with financial issues and job issues. I'm not sure that any marriage is ever completely free of those issues unless you've won the lottery or something. :)

My husband has always disliked his job and sometimes hated it. He wants to go back to school but we can't afford it yet. There have been years where we barely paid our bills on time. It was only four years ago that we could afford to buy our own home for the first time. Money is and will always be an issue and require us to be careful and be fair with each other on expenses.

We've also had our share of personal struggles and we've come very close to splitting up. Then four years ago, our only child became seriously ill and things changed for us. We realized just how much we needed each other and that we were each other's support in a way that no one else could be.

I have been pretty tough on my husband at times, but he was there for me to hang on to while our son was in the hospital and it made me understand that marriage is a haven, a place of comfort and reassurance in a very harsh world. At least, that is what I think marriage should be. When the rest of the world has treated us like crap, our spouse should be the one person there to put comforting arms around us and make us feel sane and whole again.

I am learning to try to see things better from my husband's point of view. The last fight we had, he said he was just trying to do things the best he could. And I realized that was true and that I shouldn't be so hard on him. He's seldom ever been hard on me about things. He has more patience than I do.

I think you have to get into a frame of mind where you look at your life, at the good things that are in your life, and just say to yourself that the bad things will pass---because they will---and you will get through what you need to get through with the *help* of someone who loves you. You help each other. It's the only way to survive it all.

Your perspective on life makes a big difference in how you get through the bad parts. I can look at my husband now and so appreciate all his good qualities that I can overlook and ignore the few things he does that gets on my nerves. :)
That, I'd guess, is the best way to have a long-lasting marriage. Just by appreciating that this person loves you and wants to be by your side to fight through all the tough times together.

I'm sorry you lost your job. I know what a hardship and stress that is. I hope your husband will be there to reassure you and be someone you can lean on while you recover from this blow and get back on your feet. You've gotten through other difficulties. You will get through this one, too, and it may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. That does happen sometimes. :) Next week, you may find the job of your dreams or maybe you'll start a whole new business on your own--or do something you've always wanted to do. Maybe this will open up new opportunities.

And you're not having to face it alone. That's something that we're lucky in....we have someone around to tell us everything's going to be okay. A lot of people don't have that.
So hang on to your great man and tell him thanks for being there.
Appreciate each other and let the other person know it. That's the secret to staying together.

Answer 3

Understanding that you are two different people and respecting each others differences Knowing when to do things together and when not too. Compromise and trust. Communication is the key. The first thing is to make sure you marry someone that has a common goal and you can have common ground on. Let the other person breath. Meaning, do not stifle the others persons passions in life. My husband rides motorcycles. I hear women all the time saying they would think of letting their husbands have a motorcycle. You don't let a spouse do anything. They are a person and you are their companion not their mother or father. There are worse things in life then riding a motorcycle and if he needs to do that to unwind instead of having a beer then I say okay. You have to allow your spouse to be who they are. Do not marry someone to change them. Be picky and marry the person you want not the person you think you can tweak and change. People do not change unless they want to. That is just my theory. Take vacations together without the kids at least once a year. Make your friendship with your spouse a priority.

Answer 4

Been married for 34 years. Husband had a great job, retired 10 years ago and then went on to be a consultant. I had a part-time job, just to give me something to do(didn't have to work, financially). We have always saved and invested for the future. Folks seem to think they have to put away lots of money out of each check...that's not so, $5.00 or $10.00 a week can add up over the years. We are sitting quite comfortably now. What I'm trying to point out is, we started our saving early in life. We planned our future. Did you put all your eggs in one basket? Did you think ahead, to a day when one of you might not be able to work? I'm amazed at folks who are my age(early 50's) and still haven't planned for their future. My youngest son started a retirement plan, when he was 21. I don't think God has a lot to do with what is happening in your world right now. You might want to get a financial counselor. Maybe that will help you. Otherwise, start giving up some luxuries. Do you have cable TV, large house, gas guzzling vehicles? What is your spending like? Do you do your shopping at high end stores? Cut corners, and good luck in your job search.

Answer 5

Life always throws us curve balls. Nobody said that life or marriage wasn't a lot of work. Sometimes in life we hit rough spots...it's how we handle and support one another during those times that matters.

I know that losing your job is difficult, but try to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason, even though we may not understand the reason at the time. When God closes a door on us, he will open a window.

Answer 6

Ya bought into the advertiser's utopia. Life doesn't work that way. Sorry you lost your job, but look at it this way. You now have the opportunity to get a better job. Don't mope and complaine that life is unfair, cuz we all know that it is unfair. Nature of the Beast. Be happy that you have a loving husband and one who will support you. Then take a long hard look at what you are spending money on and what you can do without for a while. Good luck to ya.

Answer 7

You keep moving forward. Some marraigel problems will literally take years to fix, some may never but that's a part of the marriage you contracted into. You can't fix everything, all you cando is make sure you do your part and provide what you are expecting to provide. If the other person falls down on the job, you can try to pull them up but most of that battle is going to fall on their shoulders.

Answer 8

Kind of a long, rambling question, but I'll give your our best recipe for a successful relationship:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

Answer 9

I have been married 33 1/2 years. We still have those same kind of problems, but we stay together. Both of us have had some health concerns recently, too. All I can say is to try hard to keep the love alive. I have other ideas if you want to email me about them. Keep trusting God to give you the answers.

Answer 10

I don't think marriage is anyone expects. it's hard, but you have to give it 100% all the time. Just keep looking for a job and pray, eventually things will turn around and get better, but don't give up on your marriage.