How do you ask your husband/wife to help around the house?

Question

We both work full time and he works pm's and I work days. I don't ask him to do much, just to try to do an hours worth of work around the house before he goes to work. Every night, I clean the whole kitchen, sweep the floors, water the plants ect. I just don't want to be the only one who does something around the house, cause it always seems like there is so much to do! I don't want to be that kind of wife that makes lists and asks him to do something all the time. I just want him to figure it out on his own. I'm already feeling like I'm becoming one of those wives. Any suggestions on settle but effective ways to get your spouses to be active when your not around? We already tried a chore list for the both of us, and he went by it for maybe 2 day, then just stopped. He's not lazy, but really likes to do whatever he wants without me telling him what to do and thats relaxing on days that he has to work, which I do to, but can't

Answer 1

When I read the topic I thought you were a "homekeeper" complaining, then I read you work full time and was atonished.

What you need to do is explain you BOTH work and you need to share the chores EQUALLY. Tell him its a partnership and you need to share the workload between both partners. Its understandable he shouldnt have to do any work around the house if he is the sole revenue earner, but if you work as he does, you have every right to demand him to do as much around the house as you do!!

Tell him straight up...

Answer 2

My husband and I both have full time careers as well. Chores around the house is not something we wanna face when we get home after a hard days work...so....what I try to do is,get him to do the outside work, mowing the lawn, the trash duties etc, while I on concentrate on ironing, and generally things he can't do. If I cook dinner, then he does the dishes afterwards. We work in unison with each other. He runs my bath, and makes my tea while I'm in it, and I will then make sure he has a nice breakfast, and packed lunch for work, If I'm home first, I start dinner and if he's home first he does. We talk as we do the housework, and then we are both ready to sit down and watch TV, or whatever, at the same time.

Answer 3

Answerer "javelin" is right on here. Tell your husband what you need help with, ask him to do specific things - but then, leave it with him. Don't nag, and don't criticize HOW and when he does it.
When we first got married, our work situation was reversed to your current one, and it's tough because you don't see each other much, but don't make the housework something you get all resentful about. It's just not worth it to have something like this affect your married relationship.

Answer 4

I stopped reading at "I just want him to figure it out on his own."

This is why women seldom get what they want from a man. If he is not asked to do any thing why the hell do it. I'd much rather do nothing than work. I suspect he thinks you'd rather do it yourself. You probably don't like how he does it anyway.

You want something done TELL HIM. Men don't guess they act. Make a list of all the crap that needs to get done, ask him what he is willing to do, then stick to it. If he won't put up, dump his lazy sorry azz.

Answer 5

If they're not into it and you are, do it yourself and let them express themselves in some other way. That's how it should work. Try it. If it's that much of a problem (deal breaker) for you, either move out or move them out. Life's to short to worry about dirty dishes. People are dying in Iraq, for god sakes.

Answer 6

You need to tell him that he need to do a little bit to help out no matter what he do will be a help.I had to tell my man that he can do what he feel comfortable doing.Make a list out of all the thing that have to be done then let him do what he feel good about doing.

Answer 7

Maybe explain to him yet again, you are both working full time and it shouldn't be just your resposonability to do every thing. Tell him what needs to be done and leave a reminder where he'll see it..The fridge most likely!

Answer 8

you want him to figure it out on his own?
this is the problem with women -- and i'm one too. women are not direct. be direct. ASK for what you want. but be nice about it. say, "honey, can you please clean the bathroom floor and i'll clean the kitchen floor?" (i also give him the smaller room to clean, which helps. and we're both cleaning, so it's like we're sharing responsiblity.) i do it all the time and my soon-to-be-husband now cleans without my asking. (he did 3 loads of laundry last saturday and i didn't even ask. granted he shrunk a sweater, but he's trying.) if i need a little extra help, i'm not afraid to ask.

i don't like suggestions of leaving his crap to pile up. it's so passive agressive and immature.

Answer 9

GET TO WORK YOU LITTLE BIOTCH MAN!!!!!!

hehehe...jk, setting a list of chores for each person in the house is the best way. That way if it doesn't get done, you know who didn't do their part.

Answer 10

If you are husband and wife, you would feel free telling him to help you with certain chores.