My husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for 2. Before we got married I knew he wanted children. I agreed to have at least one. I just turned 34, and I am in no hurry to have a baby. But, he is. He is 39. He is afraid that I will put it off until it's too late. How do I get him to not pressure me any more about it. It's becoming quite annoying. I am just starting a new career, and we need 2 incomes to survive. Guys sometimes just don't get it. Being pregnant makes you moody, tired, sick. Working is hard enough, add to it being pregnant, impossible!
2007-07-17 08:17:07 · 52 answers · asked by Confused Chick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Then, it's over.
No one should have to cave in to "demands".
Perhaps therapy can help to allay his fears
2007-07-17 08:25:41 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Both of your clocks are ticking, girl - face it. You are in "no hurry"? How old do you have to be to be "in a hurry"? The thing is, there's never the "right" time for having kids if this isn't what you want to do. Today it's the new career, tomorrow it's the new mortgage, the next day it's something else. The question is - do you want to have kids, or do you not? If you don't, you're with the wrong guy; you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into such a major decision when it really isn't something you wish to do. But you have to understand his position - if he was up-front with you and you guys had an agreement that you were going to have kids, of course he wants you to "pay up". If you feel that there's a certain "watershed" in the near future that it makes sense to wait for before having kids - talk to your husband and explain your position. There's no harm in waiting a few months. But if your situation is unlikely to change in the forseeable future, then what will you be waiting for? Winning the lottery? A fat inheritance? You will have to come up with a solution sooner or later. Get your heads together and come up with this solution; set a timeline. Or - be honest with him and tell him you really would rather not have children. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to go through this hassle. He will then have the option to look for someone whose views on family planning are more compatible with his.
2007-07-17 08:32:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then why are you telling people on answers. So far I cannot see a question that you have asked but I will comment on the leverage of having a child or ending the relationship is not what i call love. Maybe it would be better to not have a child and to find a more conducive partner as a child is something that when raising it depends on both of the parents and under those circumstances why would one want to bring a baby into a volitile environment. If both knew what it takes to raise a child and the committment on sides of both there would not even be a question in your mind. It does not matter the length of marriage or duration to qualify for parenting but i am of an opinion that neither of you are ready. Give the unborn a break and leave him or her where they are as it is more peaceful and they are with those who genuinely care about them and not those who only care about themselves.
2007-07-17 09:43:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is asking you to choose. True love isn't like that, and trying to bully you into having a baby is abusive. Women are having babies at age 40 every day. It's your body and the time isn't right, period. You have plenty of time left.
I think the two of you should make a 5-year plan with careers, babies, finances, savings accounts, etc. If a baby isn't in your plan, maybe you should separate. If it is, talk to your doctor to see what his/her opinion is about your reproductive health. If you are healthy, there is no reason why you should rush and your husband can understand that your last egg isn't coming next month! Have your doctor tell him that you are healthy and can have a baby at age 38 or whatever age you are aiming for.
Don't "put it off" until it is too late, that's not fair to him. But, this isn't a fair situation either. He can have a baby at age 50, if he chooses.
Whatever you do, do not have a baby to "save" the marriage or to "keep" the husband. You'll end up resentful and divorced and you'll have a child to raise as a single parent.
I understand your situation and it doesn't seem like you have been the least bit deceitful. Life changes and we just have to go with it. This is a serious decision, so make plans now. Good luck.
2007-07-17 08:42:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Men have biological clocks in the same way that women do. It isn't simply that he is being irrational and you have to carry the baby, etc. He has a legitimate concern that at his age, if he waits too much longer, he will not be able to enjoy the entire child rearing (and grandchild) process.
Instead of drawing a line in the sand, why don't you both sit down and make a REAL and practical time line. If your concerns are mostly monetary, figure out how much you will need to have in saving before you have a baby. Then start saving. If he sees that you are really saving and are excited about it AND that you are both moving towards a goal, he will probably back off.
If you are just worried about working and pregnancy, most women have to do both and survive just fine (I have 3 and worked through them all!)
However, if you really don't want to have kids in the foreseeable future it is unfair to guilt him into giving in or making him a bad guy. He was up front with you as to his goals. You need to let him find someone that has similar goals.
2007-07-17 08:38:28 · answer #5 · answered by TelulahB 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its time to hold up your part of the bargain or let him out of the deal.
You knew the terms, you knew what he wanted . Yet you went in thinking I can get away without doing it and dragging things out until he gives up.
That my dear is despicable.
Let him go find someone to be a mother to his kid while the parts still work. The clock is ticking.
I also think it is low to come here and look for support for your reneging on the deal. YOU KNEW now put up or let him go.\
You have been married for two years under false pretenses if you keep putting this off. It gets harder to have kids not easier. The time has come for you to get with it or let him out to find a willing wife who keeps her word.
You are making excuses for breaking your word. Will the next broken agreement be the forsaking all others part?
Follow Up: Based on your other questions I see my hunch was right. You lied about that too. Is there a thread of honesty left in your heart? Confused? I think you are very near beyond redemption. For once, will you please find a way to be honest with the people in your life.
Let the poor sap of a husband go find a woman who does not cheat and lie to him. There are other terms for you but the Yahoo Police would delete the answer.
2007-07-17 08:25:55 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband and you did the right thing by discussing children before marriage - poor guy - he was deceived from the start by you - it seems that you married him hoping that you alone could make him happy - keep in mind he married a woman he believed would help him build a family - do this guy a favor and walk away. Hopefully he finds someone who has the same ideals as he does. Nothing is wrong with not wanting kids - it is evil to think you can lie to someone about this and have them commit to you under these circumstances.
2007-07-17 08:48:37 · answer #7 · answered by cz 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You married this man, knowing that he wanted kids. Now that you are married to him, didn't it cross your mind that he would ask why its taking so long to for you to get pregnant?
Sounds to me that you married him, just to have a husband and really not concerned over the fact that he wanted children. You have to realize that if this is what he wants and you tricked him into marriage, he will leave you. If you decide to have a child, it is best that you do it before too long.
If you do not want your husband to pressure you anymore about having a child, then get a divorce from him. You knew he wanted a child when you married him so stop playing the "poor me" role.
2007-07-17 08:38:08 · answer #8 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's just worried because it might get too late to have a kid later onwards (because of ageing, menopause or reproductive related illness in mid-years). Also, having a kid in the family is not only a bundle of joy, it's a huge responsibility as well. Since you are starting a new career, you probably cannot have a baby, also as you stated, income is an issue. You cannot have a child/be pregnant and be working at the same time. You need to talk to your spouse about this. Anyways, it's you who will be carrying a baby for 9 months, so he should see your way too.
2007-07-17 08:25:22 · answer #9 · answered by Axn 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, I think he's thinking that he's not a young rooster anymore. Tell him that you are so busy with whats going on right now that you feel it's just not the right time. Explain to him that plenty of women have babys into their 30's and men can certainly have them in their 40's. Maybe tell him that by this time (whatever time you say) we can start trying for a baby. It will hopefully settle him down a little and you can concentrate on you new job, then you can focus on having a baby. If you don't want one at all, then thats a different story and you need to be truthful to him. Congrats on your new job by the way.
2007-07-17 08:29:14 · answer #10 · answered by sun day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is 39, by the time the kid is 18 he will be 57.... I don't blame him for wanting the baby now. You aren't getting any younger either! I know it's popular to get pregnant at a later age now days, but if you think about it you're body is in it's prime now, it will only be tougher on it as you age.
Maybe there will never be a "perfect" time for you to have a baby. Think about this and let him have a child with another woman if you can't see this in your future.
2007-07-17 08:32:47 · answer #11 · answered by Tilly 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋