Should we give her money? How can I tell if we're just being milked for $ or not?

Question

We're in the US and have relatives in the old country (Eastern Europe). I'm not much in contact with my relatives, but my wive is in touch with hers. ... mainly because of them asking for money. This time this lady is asking for money because one of her kids had to have major dental work. (that was the first story) But then we told her that my wife needs major dental work that costs 20 times more than what they have to pay and we just simply can't afford it.
Now she came back and she says that she needs money for food cuz she lost her job and her husband left her with 3 kids.
I want to help people who need help. We're not doing that great ourselves either, and I have this bad feeling about her and can't help but feel like if we send her money, we're being milked for cash and the little money we have that should be going towards getting us out of debt is getting wasted on God knows what.
What do I do?

Answer 1

Check the validity of her story with other family in her area, if it turns out to be true then help her, but ONLY if you can do so without putting your own immediate family in financial difficulty. If her story doesn't check out then you and your wife should sever ties with this person.

Answer 2

It sounds like it could be someone just milking you for money. They hit you with one scenario and you gave a very reasonable answer as to why you cannot give them money. They turn around and give you another scenario that is darker than the first and is harder to turn down.

There is no way you can verify what is going on unless you get on a plane and make a suprise visit. Neighbors and other family may be willing to lie to help these people get their money.

You need to focus on your family first. Do you have your debts paid off? Do you have a retirement account set up? Do you have an emergency savings set up? Do you own your own house? You need to take care of stuff like this before you start shipping money overseas to spent on who knows what.

If you feel guilty about not sending the money then donate money to the Red Cross or some other organization that helps people when they have problems. Make a donation directly to the organization and not thru fundraising campains. That way, you know that the bulk of your money is actually being used to help others.

Answer 3

Could easily be milking, especially when you consider the stereotypes that people have about America. But you never know. Look, you've helped. Now stop and let them help themselves. If things are so bad, then maybe THEY need to consider moving here, too. And if YOU are not doing so well, then helping them is not a good idea. If you can't stand on your own two feet, how can you hold someone else up? It is great to help, but you are not helping anyone if you destroy yourself and your marriage over this. Time to put your foot down, and go to marriage counseling if your wife will not see things your way. Good luck!

Answer 4

You should only give what you can when you can. You have obligations to your family first then other people. If your relatives are sincere they would understand that you need the money for your family and they would come next in line. They also shouldn't depend on you for money either just because you are in America doesn't mean that they should close shop and depend on you for support. If it is that important to your relatives then they need to work hard and get the money for their kids instead of guilt tripping you into giving it to them all the time.

Answer 5

Calmly explain that times are hard for you and your wife right now, and that you would love to help out, but at this time, you just can't. If they were really in need, they would at least understand, and try to help themselves rather than always depending on you and your wife. It is hard because they are family,and even though you want to help them, face it, you and your wife have to help yourselves before others right now. It does sound like you are being milked for cash because of the radical stories that always seem to change every time your wifes family needs cash.

Answer 6

Well, my theory is, if you have to ask, it's probably so.

I mean, of course you're being milked for money. Some people just assume that all Americans are rich and have an endless supply of money. The fact that these people live in a former communist nation just suggests that they never really figured out how to adapt to freedom, so they're still living in dependency. Unless you're looking to take on a bunch of extra dependents, forget about it. If you want to take on dependents, I suggest you offer to take her kids under your roof and raise them, because it sounds like you're gonna be paying for everything anyway.

Answer 7

Luke 6:29 If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

This is a hard philosphy to swallow, but this is what Jesus taught - a selfless giving of yourself to all. In this day and age, we are taught to fight for what is ours, but this is not the mentality that Jesus represented. I am not suggesting to give a $100 to a boozer because the Bible also teaches us to be wise. While we do not want to be enablers of wrong, we do want to follow the teachings of Christ and strive to be lovers of others and not ourselves.

This is obviously a subject that you should pray and seek God's Word about. It is important to do what the Spirit tells you. When you give in Jesus name there will be no regrets.

Answer 8

I suppose if you can afford anyhting you could send her some with the knowledge that you are trying to do something good even if she's taking advantage.
but don't send even a dime if it makes it hard to meet your own obligations.

Answer 9

It sounds like milking to me...but if it is family you need to decide how much of that you can take.