We have been together 2 years, we have a 8 month old son together. We love each other very much. He said he wants to go in steps, which I guess means, live together, than get engaged, then get married. Can any men offer any reasons as to why he would propose and give me a beautiful ring, but then not want to set a date, or not even talk about a wedding. I told him I am not in a rush and do not want anything big and fancy-I'd really like to elope, but that wont happen, because he wants his family there. I just want to have the same last name as the man I love and my son. Men? Any answers?
2007-07-17 07:03:19 · 23 answers · asked by newport3158 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems like he wants to make sure you don't go anywhere so he is doing just enough to keep you holding on. It can be hard to make things official when it comes to settling down because for some people marriage is actually a scary thing to face. Don't push it and try to just enjoy your relationship. If you cant wait, try talking to him about how setting a "prospective" date will give you guys more time to plan. Make him feel included in any ideas you may have. I wish you the best and hope eveything works out.
2007-07-17 07:08:53 · answer #1 · answered by hamptoncutie204 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, congratulations on your engagement!
Your boyfriend may have felt that it was time to propose given your life situations right now. Marriage is a big, sometimes scary endeavor, and he may not know when or how to start. Give him a couple months to get used to the idea of your new status as fiancee (female) and fiance (male).
You may even tell him that you know that this is a new step in your lives together and tell him that in a month or two you want to sit down and discuss what you each want from this marriage, what your expectations are, what you want to do as far as a wedding. At this point, suggest a small wedding with only close family. If he doesn't want to set a date at this time, then it might be time to move on. This is a big commitment, and if he is unwilling to set a date to make the commitment, he may have trouble with the whole concept of a marriage.
2007-07-17 07:11:03 · answer #2 · answered by Lilly Jones-Fair 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a man but I would like to contribute as I was the man in this situation.
He proposed and wanted to hurry up and get married, which we did. It was an elaborate wedding in the end.
I said I wanted to wait about a year and he didn't understand why. It was because I was now engaged (which I wanted) and wanted time to make sure it was what I really wanted. I figured engaged is not married and I can still roll out if I wanted to.
Well, he planned the wedding in 5 months. Yes I said "He". I was there for the wedding and now that I am married almost 2 years later I have the trapped feeling I figured I would have and still need my independence. At this point it isn't existent.
Take some time. Give him time. When he is ready, he will know and so will you.
2007-07-17 07:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he just proposed recently, give him a little time. No doubt the ring was a huge investment for him, and he's probably serious, but freaking out a bit about the financials. Moving in and saving money together is a good plan... my boyfriend and I want to get engaged but at 30 years old with graduate degrees, we decided we should work on saving money and paying off some debt before we think about planning a wedding (or buying a ring for that matter!!!)
Maybe suggest throwing a small engagement party with family and friends to announce the engagement and to celebrate - this will make it feel more official for you and for him without the pressure of planning and spending more money together right away.
I say give it time though, let him be proud for having bought the ring and popped the question... there will be plenty of time for date-setting and planning later. Just enjoy the moment - and CONGRATULATIONS!!!
2007-07-17 07:08:52 · answer #4 · answered by MelsBels 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Give him a few weeks, then ask again. If he won't answer, then you might be forced to question why he really asked you. It might just be that he proposed to get you to shut the hell up and leave him alone. It happens all the time. If that is the case, you may be with the wrong guy. Otherwise, it may just be that he needs a few weeks to get used to the idea and get mentally prepared to start planning. So give him three weeks. Anything more than that is stalling on his part, and you'll have to have a big talk to get to the bottom of it. Good luck!
p.s. I highly recommend couples' counseling before you formally tie the knot. If you are going to make it official, you may as well make your compatibility official by getting evaluated and discussing your expectations.
2007-07-17 07:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Seems a little late to take Baby Steps when the BABY is already here.
Go to the judge on a Saturday afternoon.
He probably feels a sense of guilt to be going to a church before his God to ask permission to wed you and take vows that he's already broken.
You've both been living together,,,, you've conceived a child.... there really isn't anything "special" in a Wedding now.. is there???
2007-07-17 10:51:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just a guess, but maybe he wants to put a ring on your finger (to tell the world you're a taken woman) but doesn't want to put a ring on his finger. Or maybe he figured you'd dump him if he didn't propose soon so he proposed but really doesn't want to get married. If I were in your shoes, I'd give him back the ring and tell him to propose again when he REALLY wants to get married.
2007-07-17 07:07:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I figure the fact he asked you to get married in the first place is awesome. Really you should know by now that men have difficulty expressing there feeling verbally. Write him a letter expressing your feelings and ideas and ask him for a letter back . As far as a wedding do not waste money just a small immediate family ceremony and dinner at a good local restaurant. This has to be done out of respect, but this is your guys wedding not moms or dads they also have to respect you guys as well.
2007-07-17 07:15:48 · answer #8 · answered by Canuck1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a baby together...what kind of steps does he mean? He wanted you enough to get your pregnant and now you're not good enough to marry? You already bypassed the traditional steps. If I were you, I'd go to court and file for separate support. He's stringing you along because he doesn't want a financial obligation. I'd get the ring appraised - just because it's beautiful doesn't mean anything.
2007-07-17 07:12:06 · answer #9 · answered by Lioness 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he does not want to get married period you have a kid and dating 2 years why should he commit when he has everything going his way think about it? It sounds like he doesn't want to get married even though technically you are you need to have a serious discussion if he feels pressured oh well your baby did not come along by itself i am tired of people making babys and then failing to live up to their responsibility
2007-07-17 07:11:01 · answer #10 · answered by ken j 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋