I have a particular relationship problem w/ my husband.?

Question

My husband of 4 months was convicted of 3 DWI’s (5 years ago) so he has lost his license for 10 years total. I take him back and forth to work; his hours are 3pm- 12am (sometimes he does not get off until 1:30 am in the morning). My hours are from 6am- 2:30pm. Any way I was offered a job and the hours are from 10am- 6pm. Well, I knew before I married him he had these problems, but I accepted him as he was. Now he seems to be very selfish and says I cannot take the job. Yet he can take the bus at least to work, and I can still pick him up. What is a girl to do?

It is a better paying job, and a more comfortable position, that I would really like.

Answer 1

Five years to be someone's chauffeur must be tough. It seems like it's a good compromise for him to take the bus to work and for you to pick him up. Marriage is about give and take and this is a good lesson on it.

Anyway, you're taking a job that probably is better and pays more/affords more opportunities and that, in the end, will benefit you both. A happier wife and a more secure financial future are good things for any marriage.

Have him look at the long term benefit of you taking this job. It's not going to kill him to take the bus one way. He'll always leave work to see you waiting for him so where's the drama?

Good luck!

Answer 2

You knew that he had the problem when u married him i understand. He can take the bus there then u pick him up a marriage is give and take if u have to make sacrifice's so does he its only fare . If the new job will benefit the both of you than u do it he is just going to have to understand its not your fault that he was convicted don't let him be selfish to you stand up for your self and do what is rite for your career and money issues let him do some work as per getting him self there he is not going to die and it will make appreciate his license more if he had to struggle a bit cause if you don't take the job and you drive him back and forth who is to say that he will not do it again or if he will want to get his license back he may want to be lazy and have you take him and he may also like the control of telling you no you cant get the job. I hope you understand and i hope everthing gets resolved good luck!

Answer 3

Is there no way for him to get a provisional license allowing him to drive only to and from work during very specific work hours? If not, talk it over with him, and if the only reason he doesn't want you to take the job is because he wants you to drive him to and from work, than take the job. Let him know his options. He can either Carpool to work with a co-worker, he can take public transportation via bus or taxi to work and you can pick him up after, or if you live close enough buy him a bike so he can ride it to work. Marrying him knowing that he had these does not mean you are required to chauffer him to and from work, when there are other viable options and you have a great opportunity, that would benefit you BOTH.

Answer 4

You have sacrificed YOUR time for him, but he is being selfish and not ALLOWING you to change jobs when it may help you and the family??? Tell him you WANT the job and that since he caused his drinking/driving issues, he will have to be man and find a way to get around. You can still be supportive to him without him being CO-DEPENDENT on you. He has to remedy his OWN problems that he caused, rather than make you be DEPENDENT on his getting around. He needs to be a caring husband. Have his butt call a cab or ride the bus. If it becomes an issue with him, tell him that you didn't cause his problems, although you care about him, he should show the same respect to you as you have him. If not, tell him to call and cab and have him load up his things, too!

Answer 5

i would call the DMV and find out if there is a hardship license he could get for work and maybe a payment plan for the fines he probably has that'll be due when he tries to get the lic. back.

If you talk to him about that and tell him that your job would help free up the funds necessary to do this and put him back in the right he may sway toward your way of thinking. Either way, you have the last say in this.

Answer 6

Take the job. Explain to your husband the reason why you are taking the job and ask him to take the bus to work but you can still pick him up when he gets off of work.

Marriage is two ways and this is one of the times that your husband needs to bend for you...

Answer 7

If the job is a better job than what you currently have, tell him to take the bus.

He got himself into his legal troubles. It is not your fault or responsibility. Since he has the option of taking a bus, he needs to take the bus so that you can move forward in your career.

The court suspended his license to keep him off the road and to teach him a lesson. He isn't going to learn that lesson if he has you as a chauffeur.

Answer 8

If it is a better paying job, he should support you, HE is the one that made the mistake and has to be punished for it, not you. Tell him how you feel and that it would help the both of you out to take this job, who can argue with a better paying job, as long as he can still get to work..who cares??

Answer 9

My husband doesn't drive either. I drive him to work when I can, but a lot of times he takes the bus or gets rides from friends. I would sit down and talk with your husband and tell him how important this job is to you, and try and help him figure out other ways to get to work. He can take the bus or maybe carpool with someone from work from the same area.
Good luck!

Answer 10

Your husband sounds like he's more your child than husband. The reality is that like a child he can't drive and when a child makes unreasonable demands on an adult, the adult has to be firm and explain to the child what the reality is. Tell him your taking the job and if he continues whining about taking the bus just spank him and send him back to his mother.