i really want to have an affair?

Question

i want to have an affair. My relationship isnt very good, there is no communication at all. I have tried counseling, tried talking with husband, but he usually doesnt want to talk even though i've tried everything.. i've tried church, tried praying, tried everything..nothing works..i've tried threatening him to have an affair, nothing works..he just doesnt seem to care.. he had an affair a few years ago, and i cant seem to get over it, but yet i cant seem to leave him either..i just want someone else on the side to connect with.. i know two wrongs dont make a right, but i feel that i have lost hope with things...

Answer 1

Get a divorce!
Or
Let him know you are gonna get some on the side, as long as he knows everything is good.
He may even ask for a divorce once you do it.
But do not go behind his back, if you can't do it out in the open, then get a divorce.
Sneaking is not the answer!

Answer 2

Take the high road.... stay or get out. An affair is not a solution, just another issue that will cause more problems. If the threat of an affair isn't a motivating factor, then a real affair won't be either. Unless the idea is to motivate him to leave. If that's the case then get out now, before you add the additional anger/distrust/hurt/betrayal that an affair brings.

I have been on both sides of the coin, and an affair isn't good either way. Even if you are doing the cheating, you end up blaming your spouse for the way you feel afterwards (guilty, embarrassed, and eventually worthless). An affair IS NOT the easy way out. It's the harder, more painful, less healthy road.

I wish I had better advice, like "go for it, he deserves it" or "do what makes you happy" but the fact of the matter is, because of human nature and our deeply held ideas about faithfulness and love, affairs just don't make us happy... they just let us forget how unhappy we are for a short time, until they poison themselves and eventually destroy the relationship you were escaping from in the first place.

Answer 3

You are right, two wrongs do not make a right. You need to take a second and think about why you are wanting to have this affair and what the consequences might be not only on you and your husband, but on your family as well. What if you find the perfect one to have the affair, sleep with them, and then still feel as you are feeling right now? Or maybe they might want more out of the relationship? Would you be willing to leave your husband then? I know you feel as if all is lost and this is your last choice, but are you going to be happy afterward? It sounds like your husband doesnt want to be married any more than you do, so why not look into a divorce or temporary separation first? That way you will know if this treatment is going to be long term or if there is still hope in your relationship, then think about other possibilities. Dont make yourself more miserable. I wish you all the luck.

Answer 4

If you want to have an affair well you dont have to go too far to look...theres a ton of dudes on here with your problem.
Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone here..

just know that an affair will not fix your marital problems. It will give you some much needed relief but thats about it. Other things you may get is feelings for another or *glup!* some STD...which you most likely wont anticipate.

you say you tried everything...did you try a separation? Sometimes living apart for awhile makes you both realize what you had....or what you dont have..

You said your husband cheated on you...you want to do the same?

Answer 5

OMG!!! Sister have I been there and done that. I have been married 5 years, and for the last two years I have felt this way (I have not acted on it yet although I have had many chances to) If I express my feelings then he says that I am nagging him. If I close myself up and bite my tounge then he says that I am cold. If I want love and afection then he is to tired. One minute he says that things are "fine" then the next he will say that he doesn't understand why I stay if I am so unhappy. No matter what is going on he finds away to make ME feel like the bad guy.


It sounds like your husband might have an issue with depression. At least that is what is wrong with mine. I read where you have tried getting help, but maybe you need to try getting help on your own. If that doesn't work then maybe you should take a step back and seperate for a while. Haveing an affair is another option, but if you are a normal person with good morals then you wouldn't like yourself for doing that. You have to do what you have to do in order to find yourself again. And I learned this the hard way: your mate can't be happy with you unless you are happy with yourself. Feel free to email me if you want to chat.

God Bless

Answer 6

I suggest divorcing him before you even consider having an affair. Not only is that wrong, it will definitely make the situation worse. No one deserves to be cheated on. And if you have been rather religious lately, isn't cheating a very wrong thing to do anyway according to your church? I would think you would know that. If your husband does not care about you, then get out of that relationship! You cannot have two men and be 100% happy. It may seem that way, but it never ends up the way you'd like it to.

Answer 7

if you lost hope and your unhappy then you should leave not have a affair. you know that two wrongs don't make a right. why stay in a marriage when there is nothing left between the two of you. things are going to get better if you already tried everything. it sounds like it's already over between the two of you. an affair is not going to help the marriage at all. you shouldn't stay if you are unhappy. this had happen to me I was unhappy in my marriage and I left my husband but I never divorced him though. we both moved on with our lives we both even met other people and everything else but 7 years later we got back together because we both know that we were unhappy in our marriage and now we are working on our marriage and things are going better between the two of us. but I didn't stay because I wasn't happy. how can you make someone else happy if your not happy yourself. you need to think about your needs and what makes you happy. if you have children then you also need to think about them too. but if you want someone to talk to or even communicate with then make some friends and get out and do things without him. just don't have an affair because you are thinking about it or because you have threaten him with having an affair on him because that's not going to solve anything and some times it makes things worse. you need to do what you think is right for you. good luck.

Answer 8

I understand your frustration since you said YOU TRIED EVERYTHING already, I just don't understand why you still wanna be with that person if you guys are so unhappy. having an affair is not gonna make you feel better since the root of all your frustrations is still there. I would be smarter for you to try figure things out within your marriage before doing something on the side, you guys deserve a better life, I just don't think you are gonna have it together. You answer yourself in a sentence ... TWO WRONGS DON:T MAKE A RIGHT. Wish you the best.

Answer 9

Answer: As the moon wanes and appears , so is the woman's emotions and passions. We liked to be caressed and be sought after, to receive a phone call, to receive love letters and flowers. Don't be disappointed if we hoped too much and did not receive the love back. Keep loving. Hate is temporary if our love is powerful and we know how to forgive and understand the other person. It is called unconditional acceptance or unconditional love. Love prevails but how long your patience can endure some mishaps, time will tell. Know what you want and say Goodbye if it hurts since your happiness is very important. We sought relationships to be happy and when we are not, he is not the ONE. It is always risky to fall in love but I will always take the risk. Yes, I will have an affair to find satisfaction but will file for divorce at the same time.
Written by Connie ; [e-mail]

Answer 10

I believe many people want to have an affair...and I seriously don't believe you need a divorce. But that is just my opinion because I believe it is considered "normal" to have desire, especially if you don't get any attention at home.

I used Saphrina to have an affair and it really spiced up my sex life. Did I feel guilty? Yes, maybe a little. But at the end of the day it really helped me to feel "wanted" again!

Answer 11

Find someone who cares about you as an individual. Someone who pays attention, who cares, who will satisfy the emotional needs you have but please, please, please leave sex out of it at least for a good while. Many men will profess to care, etc. if a piece of tail is close at hand. But not many will "wait it out" That way you can see who is genuine or not.

For example, I care ab out what happens with you otherwise I would not have added you to my network. I will be there for you, listen, and everything else. I know that I am not physically there to hold you when you need it, but I could address other needs. We have microphones, we have cams so it is almost like being there. Try a route like this first. Perhaps, if we talk, your husband will wake up and realize that you are worth something as an individual and then try to rekindle the romance in your lives.

Talk to me Eliza, or someone else, on-line first. Establish a relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Please don't let another use use as your husband is apparently doing.