Sex and soon to be husband?

Question

My soon to be husband says once we are married he expects sex daily several times a day and dont get me wrong i love sex as much as the next person but this seems a bit to much but he says all men need/want sex everyday and its a wife's duty to do this..He also said that if i dont perform my duties daily then our marriage wont last long..I love him but having second thoughts on marrying him cause of this..Like i said i love sex but everyday several times a day seems a bit to much..Any advice on this..We are both in our mid-30's

Answer 1

Does he say it in a joking way? Me and my husband use to have sex daily but now we don't. One thing I noticed is that it is easier for him to accept my rejection if he has recently turned me down. He usually doesn't turn me down, but I noticed that if he eats a lot, he doesn't want to have sex when his stomach is full.

Try being the initiator more and you may be rejected a few times. (ie. try to start it during an importand sports game or when his stomach hurts) And when you don't want to.. you can say "well you didn't want to earlier.."

Answer 2

Well I do not think anyone can help answer this question - its up to you and your views. My wife and I have a healthy sex life. I am 25 she is 37. Sometimes we go on stretches where we have sex 3 or more times everyday for weeks on end.....then there are times that we may not do it for 3 days. Of course we do not have intercourse during her time of the month either. but usually other than that week we do it several times a day. it helps that we are both multi orgasmic too. Everyone is different, everyones body is different. You need to decide whats best for you. Last week we did not have sex for 3 days just cause she was sick with a cold, but then this past Sunday we had sex 8 times and did ourselves alone an additional 4 times each! Again, its what works for each person individually. You need to sit him down and talk to him about this. Offer him a compromise that works for you. If he is not willing to compromise on this topic than how do you know he will compromise on any of the other more important topics in your marriage when they arise? I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out for you.

Answer 3

Sounds like both of you need a reality check.

There is no way that can or should be the basis for a marriage. God forbid something happen to you and you are paralysed, what will he do then? Seems a bit selfish to me.
Most men could go for sex everyday, but reality is: kids, careers etc. take time away from that.

Think twice, three times if necessary about marrying this guy. Since he has voiced unrealistic expectations you have good reason to declare a lack of compatibility. Who knows what other hangups he has.

Answer 4

If he's mid-30's give him another 5 years and you'll be lucky if he's ready for once a week. lol

"perform your duties?"... why not try giving HIM a score card listing HIS required duties - taking out the trash, cleaning the bathrooms, and doing the laundry/ironing. Tell him if you should find him deficient in keeping up his expected duties you also don't see much likelihood either that the marriage will last and he sure as heck shouldn't be expecting your to do your "duties". Bet he runs fast.

Answer 5

My husband and I are newlyweds in our mid-20s... and we still only have sex about 3 or 4 times a week. People don't have enough TIME to have sex several times a day. Even if you did, it's not all about his needs or desires. If you don't feel like having sex, or something else for that matter, you should not feel threatened or guilty about saying no. You need to tell him how it's really going to work before you get married, or things will not go very smoothly. Good luck!

Answer 6

Beats the hec out of me. I thought that sex was the super glue that makes a relationship last a really long time. Me and my wife have super nuclear hot sex almost every single night. It would be hard for me to divorce her or go separate ways and still have hot sex with her like a friends with benefits but I guess this works for some folks out there. Mightest will start calling it an open relationship until you guys find someone else solid.

Answer 7

Sex is an important part of marriage but if he's being serious about this...I agree with Willie J.

Run, run fast! It doesn't matter if he's your husband or not, he can't "force" you to have sex if you don't want it multiple times a day every day...sounds like a lot of soreness and a bladder infection waiting to happen to me.

This guy sounds like a real manipulative, control freak...you're in your mid-30's...you can and should find someone better...someone who actually cares about what YOU want too!!!

Answer 8

Sex is NOT a wife's duty but a wife's CHOICE. If my future husband were to make such a demand upon ME he'd be standing at the altar by himself come wedding day.

Answer 9

Sounds to me he's being a little smart elec...i mean, of course after you get married he's gonna want ot have sex alot but over time that'll wear off and he'll get tired of it as well, so i wouldn't worry, he may just be kidding around with you, if not, over time he'll be so wore out from it he won't be able to do it that often....

Answer 10

I'd tell him if he demands sex, and you're not willing to have it for whatever reason, then your marriage won't last long.

This is a MAJOR red flag here, please don't ignore it. Any man who would lower sex into a "duty" isn't worth marrying. I'd also be concerned that this is the beginning of a controlling relationship--that usually leads to an abusive relationship.

Please, seriously re-think this marriage. I see nothing but pain and heartbreak for you if you go through with this. He needs to grow up.