Co-worker has feelings for my husband. What should I do?

Question

I recently found out that a girl that works for my husband has feelings for him and has for a while. He is a manager and she is a waitress.

He and I both found out at the same time from a co-worker that we both know and trust. She told us that this girl has been talking about him with some of the staff and telling them that she has feelings for him. This started about two years ago. Since then he got transferred to another place for about a year and this girl "took it really hard." When we got engaged she found out and was "depressed." Now he's back working with her again (got transferred back). She knows he's married and we just had a baby. She's seen me and seen our child, yet this psycho chick still talks to people about how she has feelings for my husband. What should I do?

Okay, my husband has already talked to the GM and made him aware of the situation. He doesn't talk to her anymore unless he has to, he doesn't cash her out if there is another manager working, if he has to cash her out because nobody else can he does it in the resteraunt and not in the office.

No, I do not believe he did anything to encourage this behavior. My husband is a very nice and friendly guy and he's very good looking. I can't blame her for having a crush on him, but I can blame her for letting it go on this long.

I don't believe she should be "allowed" to have feelings for him. He's married and happy.

The time I saw her I was sitting at a table with my husband, baby, and the girl that told us. She didn't look at me or the baby. She talked to my hubby about a work thing then left. After she left is when the girl told us about everything.

I am not worried that my husband will cheat. Not for a second. What I do worry about is if he does tell her that nothing will ever happen between them that she might try to get him fired by claiming that he made a pass at her.

Answer 1

Well, she's a typical woman these days. Immature, unable to cope, stalker chick, no honor, no respect, and unable to see the forrest for the trees. There's nothing you can do but ignore her. Unless your husband wants to talk to his boss about sexual harassment.

Answer 2

I would never confront her and allow her to think I spent more than a millisecond thinking about her. Your husband is the one that must take the bull by the horns and confront her. He should of course not say you are "making" him do it. He should tell her he has heard from the other staff that she is making these comments. She should keep her comments to herself as this is a place of business and therefore inappropriate. Tell her she is disrespectful of him and his marriage and that will not be tolerated and nothing will ever come of it.
Be aware the women that do this will sometimes hint to the others that there is in fact something going on. The woman hopes this will get back to you and infuriate you to the point of tossing him out. Your husband could easily be represented by her to the others as a liar and a cheater and is sneaking around to be with her. These women bank on nothing will be said to your husband because it would be inappropriate for a co-worker to tell your husband he is a jerk or inquire into what is really going on. Most men have no idea what some psycho chicks will do to get what they want. He should always avoid being alone with her behind a closed door. This IS sexual harassment in the work place and usually goes unreported. Your husband should inform his supervisor/business owner this is happening. Keep your informant happy and communicating to your husband and to you.

Answer 3

as long as your husband doesn't return these "feelings" why are you worried? If you are still that concerned see if hubby will ask for a transfer or even get a new job. he can always put in apps. while still bringing home a steady pay check. have you tried talking to this girl? showing her your happy family apparently hasn't worked so you already know that subtly doesn't work. try a direct approach confront her about her inappropriate behavior. for her to talk to other coworkers about this could put your husband in jeopardy if she becomes disenchanted with your husband. the key to not being sued is documentation. start now! your husband is the one to talk with this woman , make sure that there is an impartial witness there when he talks to her.

Answer 4

When you're around her, what is her reaction? If she talks to you woman to woman, then I think it's just a crush that you won't have to worry much about. If she ignores you and maybe just plays with the baby, I'd watch out for her!

It's normal in a working environment for someone to have a crush on their superior. I know it's weird, but it's just normal. If she's younger, chances are she might become interested in someone else later on. I know this crush has been going on for a long time.

Be happy that you know about this! It could be that you were in the dark about it the entire time, and would never have known about it. Try not to give your husband a hard time when he comes home, because you don't want to drive him into her arms at any cost.

Answer 5

there's really nothing *you* can do....is there any way for your husband to be transferred somewhere else? You don't want a constant temptation there all the time, but it sounds like you can trust your husband. Maybe let him know that you do trust him, but this crazy chick really worries you, and could he keep you posted, so you know he's telling you everything? I know that sounds jealous/insecure, but I am insecure a lot. A husband should understand this insecurity, and tell you what's going on. If it gets so bad, as in she's physically coming on to him, you may need to discuss him leaving....unless she could get fired or reprimanded for sexual harrassment.

Answer 6

If you trust your husband and he seems to think she is psycho too, let it go. Just know that you have him...and she knows it. If she starts flirting with him or coming on to him, then I might have a little (discreet) word with her. Don't make it worse, just politely ask her is she has feelings for your husband. Of course she will deny it and then say "I don't appreciate you coming on to my husband. I know he's a good looking man, but he has a family and we are happy. If I hear one more time that your coming on to him, I will make you wish you hadn't." Your the bosses wife, she isn't going to make a scene unless she doesn't care about her job and really is psycho. This is probably just a little crush. I wouldn't get concerned unless she is really coming on to him, and if she goes psycho, get her fired and call the cops. Good luck.

Answer 7

You've had a lot of good advice. I must agree, you need to either confront her on the issue yourself, or your husband needs to put an end to it once and for all. Let him know that it's his responsibility first and if it's too difficult for him to take control of the situation, then you're going to handle it. And if it comes down to that, think about how you would feel if you were the girl and handle it respectfully. After all, there is never a need to lower yourself to violence or foul language. You are better than that. And if push comes to shove, let her know that you will, if necessary, pursue a restraining order against her for harassment.
Good luck. I've been down this road, it's not fun or easy but good solutions are there if you're willing to find them.

Answer 8

Would your husband be comfortable confronting her and saying

1) not in this lifetime, or any lifetime for that matter, psycho chick
2) it's inappropriate and undermining to his authority as a manager to talk to other employees about her feelings for him?

I'm sure that if she heard it directly from him, she would probably be embarassed that it got around . But she would also probably be convinced that nothing would ever happen.

If you approached her it might seem like you are desperate (which might cause her to become MORE vocal).

If you approached her together she might justify it away in her mind by saying you are pushing your husband into it.

Answer 9

Talk to your hubby about how uncomfortable this makes you feel. Tell him to ask his job if it's possible for him to be relocated permanently, at least away from her.

If this isn't possible, just relax. It's pretty obvious he's not interested. So don't stress it.
Trust. It's a very important part of a marriage.

I hope this helped ya some.
Best wishes to you guys! And congrats on the new baby!

Answer 10

i'm sorry you're having to deal with this- her actions are sooo out of line. you should talk to you husband- you never stated how he felt about all of this. if he hates it to, then you, or both of you need to confront her and remind her that not only is it inappropriate but its not reciprocated. to protect himself too your husband needs to have this be an open issue with his bosses. i don't think the suggestion from another contributer about discussing this with his bosses and her as sexual harrassment is off- he shouldn't have to be dealing with this at work. The fact that she still even talking about this means she's totally unethical- don't trust that she'll just walk away once she realizes that nothings going to happen. someone so immature will likley try to make an ugly exit, have your husband talk to his bosses so his career isn't damaged by this woman and her crazy notions.
but honestly- any confrontation needs to come from your husband- you confronting her will only make her feel like shes a real threat to you- like maybe you have reason to feel threatened. when HE makes it clear that her feelings are not reciprocated and not welcome, maybe she can believe it and move on...

Answer 11

Well, you never mention having any sense at all that your husband has any feelings towards her at all, so I would suggest you take comfort and pride in the fact that he has chosen you and that she is no threat to you.

Beyond that, there's no way to control how other people feel. If she wants to carry a crush on your husband long past the time it would be appropriate, there's really nothing you can do about it.