My ex-husband keeps saying that my daughter, he and I should try to live together once again. He has moved to a new town and says that if we start afresh, things may work out this time.
We were married for 13 years and then divorced. We both have not been able to move on.
I live in another state and he is closing on the house where he was living tomorrow. He keeps calling and asking where our daughter's stuff should be sent.
I have booked a ticket for her to come and stay with me. She is in limbo because he says she is not going with him. She is confused and does not want to stay in the same state where they were staying with her grandmother.
In one way, I do want to try and put the family together for both or our sakes and our daughter. I don't like being alone and do miss being part of a family.
In another way, I don't see either of us changing or adjusting.
The correct decision is hard.
2007-07-17 03:57:45 · 8 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you remember WHY you got divorced? Remember the control- the way he talked to you? Think back very carefully and remember exactly why the split happened. Habits are hard to break and I am not saying it could NOT happen however, its going to take a lot of HARD work. Are you ready to sacrifice yourself again? I somehow think its not about him anymore but rather your daughter. Tell him to SHIP her things to you- she was and still is primary in your life. Obviously your child is unhappy if she states she is not going with her father and does not want to be with the grandmother. You have already answered your concerns in your statements, take your daughter, raise her, adjust to your single life style, be the Mother you know you are and just be happy. Push forward never backward. Love yourself and your child as you BOTH deserve it. Seize the moment.
2007-07-17 08:05:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a firm believer that, if both parties are willing, marriages can work out. I may be naive, but I have hope for you! Write out the reasons you got divorced....the underlying reasons, not "He never put the toilet seat down for me", but the real reasons, and be sure to include things you did wrong as well, whether it was how you handled situations, or reactions or whatever....has any of that changed? that should give you a clue.....if neither of you have really grown since this experience, then why would anything be diff?
Also, it may be a bit intense to move in together. Could you possibly "date" first? Go way back to the very beginning, and maybe even try to keep sex out of the equation at first, although I know you've already been in a sexual relationship, so that may prove impossible. But, go back and fall in love all over again, from the beginning. Do some serious soul-searching, the both of you together, and see if you're both willing to make the necessary changes to make it work this time.
It totally can, I truly believe, but if neither of you want to change, then it can't. It takes 2 people to keep a marriage together.
Good luck, either way.
2007-07-17 04:21:12 · answer #2 · answered by Dj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with HildaLY that you need to remember why you got divorced in the first place, and have any of those issues been resolved.
Also, why did he move? Was he running away or moving on to something better (as in a job maybe)? How will living in a new town be different?
One option you could consider is to move to the same town/area, but don't move in with him. Try dating him again. Take it slow. That way your daughter can still see her father and you aren't getting yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place. Lay down some rules if you like (maybe- no sleeping over, we both pay at dinner, ect) See how it works out. If he doesn't want to compromise, then it's a lot easier for you to stop dating and/or move back home.
Good luck.
2007-07-17 04:19:17 · answer #3 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Decisions: One way to make a decision, other than the common risk/benefit way is to ask your self, which decision will I regret the most if it turns out to be a mistake. This is a powerful tool. We regret the things we didn't do that we wanted to do much more than the things we did do that turned out to be a mistake. With that being said, the risk of this seems to be great. You have to think about what is best for the child.
And the daughter most likely has started the difficult process of adjusting to the divorce. If you move back in, that will confuse her and then if it doesn't work, she will have an even harder time adjusting.
You have not come to closure with the divorce. You need to. He won't change, most people can't. Talk is cheap. Actions tell us a lot more about people than what they say.
2007-07-17 04:00:51 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard, Star Eyes, and it is a decision only you can make. What you should do is talk it out. Take your daughter with you and meet him at a breakfast place and talk the matter over. If he professes undying love for you and a wish to restore the family, it may be that he will persuade both you and your daughter to reunite. Find out his intentions. And trust your daughter's judgment. But most of all, trust your instincts. Get all the facts before you decide, and the best way to do that is to sit down in a friendly setting like a restaurant and talk.
2007-07-17 04:12:07 · answer #5 · answered by John Timothy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Decisions in love and marriage is always difficult. You add a child into the mix--it just gets more crazy.
While you may want to try to put your family back together, think about why you divorced in the first place. Has those issues been resolved? If they haven't, getting back together isn't going to be good for anyone. Your daughter shouldn't have to endure tension and fighting in her own home, right?
2007-07-17 04:06:34 · answer #6 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this decision is really hard but at the end would'nt you want to say that at least you tried it together and maybe a new environement may be good for the 3 of you. I did it almost 7 years with my sons father we left eachother and then we tried it again for our son but we couldnt do it together anymore. but at least i can say that i tried and gave all my best!!
2007-07-17 08:59:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
follow your heart that is were your commitment well come from do not follow you head that is a decision not a commitment .do you love the man enough to not have to right all the time does he love you enough to not have to be right all the time .good luck .OK i well tell you what to do remarry the man and give it all your heart .
2007-07-17 04:04:01 · answer #8 · answered by henryredwons 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋