My husband is 10 years older than I am, and I am finishing college in my mid-20s. I wear my ring every day, but a couple of things have happened and I have told him about it. First, one of the 20 year-old kids in one of my classes asked me out; I pointed out I was married, he apologized and said he hadn’t seen it. I went home, told my husband immediately… his reaction: “Good for you, that must have made you feel good!” as he high fived me!
Then, the next semester, I got close with the graduate students teaching one of my classes, because I was older and we had things in common. I never flirted with him, we just talked after class, I told him repeatedly about my husband, even about the sports they both liked to watch. On the last day of class, the guy asks me out!! I was mortified, again went home and told my husband, but this time I felt guilty – the guy KNEW I was married… I cried and my husband’s response was to hug me and say: “If you didn’t go, you have nothing to worry about. You can’t control what other people think”.
He didn’t even get mad… am I worrying for no reason? Why doesn’t he care that other men wanting me?
2007-07-17 03:57:40 · 38 answers · asked by Jill 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I always tell him because I feel VERY guilty if I don't! it's like I'm hiding something from him!
And, I cried because I thought maybe it was my fault the guy had misinterpreted me, although it never occurred to me to have anything romantic with him ! (Hence all the talk about my husband!)
2007-07-17 04:08:09 · update #1
Sounds like you have more of a problem with this than he does. When other guys "stop" wanting your wife, that is the time to start worrying. Perhaps he also trusts you (should he?).
2007-07-17 04:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by mark 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well in instance #1, I cannot see a reason for him to be jealous of that. The guy did not know you were married, supposedly, so no big deal. Situation #2 would irk me quite a bit. This guy knew quite a bit about you and clearly knew that you were married. I wouldn't say necessarily that you are to blame here, but for some reason this guy obviously got some sort of vibe from you that you could possibly be interested in such a thing. Even though it might have been unintentional, I think married people need to be careful with how they relate to other people.
2007-07-17 04:13:29 · answer #2 · answered by TB28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you husband loves you and trusts you. He's not into playing games either. He knows that the woman he married is someone who respects him and your marriage. By making him get jealous will not prove anything. He doesn't get mad b/c he doesn't need to. He knows he didn't marry a whore. Just b/c some other guy may try and make advances at you and attempt to make a whore out of you,means he's secure enough in himself and w/ the relationship to know that you would never cheat on him. There is reason to worry.
2007-07-17 04:41:24 · answer #3 · answered by Erica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stated in both instances that you never flirted. When the men ask you out, you responded appropriately. Attractive married women get "hit" on frequently. These men are acting inappropriately, not you.
I am guessing you have NEVER gave your husband any reason to doubt his trust in you. He loves you, trusts you and understands that men will be men and will ask you out. There is nothing he can do about this...except be understanding. He is a very emotionally mature man and you are lucky to have him. Consider the other men who come on to you as compliments, but continue to tell them no and it's ok to share these events with your husband. He understands. He may very well feel a little jealousy, but he's mature enough to not let it rear it's ugly green head.
2007-07-17 04:33:54 · answer #4 · answered by Sam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very similar relationship with my husband. You and I are very lucky. You know what it's like to see other couples with jealousy issues...yikes! SO thankful that's not me. It just means he is secure in your relationship because he knows he has NOTHING to worry about.
Perhaps in previous relationships you've never had that trust with your man and now that you do, you're not sure how to react. I say go with it, it's a good thing! I'm sure he's flattered other men find you attractive, but he knows who you are coming home to at the end of the day! Congrats on finding one of the few good men!
2007-07-17 04:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by misses_f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider yourself very blessed. Your husband trusts you and it is a slight ego boost to him knowing that he has what other men want. Don't violate that trust or make him regret it. Also, you need to be sure that you do not mistake his trust in you as a lack of care or concern about you. I am sure that if you were to tell your husband that one of them was grabbing your and tried to kiss you even knowing you were married that you would get a different reaction from him. Your husband sounds secure and confident in you as his wife and your marriage, value that, treasure that, because so very few have that today.
2007-07-17 04:17:19 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well obviously it's an issue for you, just as it was for my wife.
I can only tell you the same thing I told her.
Jealousy leads to anger, which generally leads to assault.
If you are going to cheat, or see another man. It would be pointless for me to waste my energy with any of the above emotions. As you have clearly decided to do this. No one forced you.
Life goes on, as will I. And there are always other women.
Jealousy is a fools emotion, and a very common reason for physical abuse within ANY relationship.
2007-07-17 04:19:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He trusts you, and that's WONDERFUL! Way to go on landing a great husband! You have to ask yourself, are you asking this question because you WANT him to show some jealousy because it makes you feel good? If that's the case, then perhaps you need to work on your own self-esteem a little.
I'm a married woman and it makes me feel good when men flirt with me though I wear my ring and always tell them I'm married. My husband is like yours, he just smiles and says that he loves me and I really appreciate his trust. Hold on to it sweetie, you're golden!
2007-07-17 04:06:50 · answer #8 · answered by Kitten 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am exactly like this with my girlfriend. I don't really easily get jealous and if a guy hits on her it doesn't really phase me. I feel this way because I know how she feels about me and I can completely trust her. That's exactly what he's doing...he trusts you; he knows you're not the kind of girl to stray so when men hit on you it doesn't really bother him. You do NOT want an overprotective guy. But I'm sure if the guy started touching you in the wrong way your husband would then react.
2007-07-17 04:04:20 · answer #9 · answered by Knowing 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some men are good like that, they know they are all you need, and you should feel good about it, he actually trusts you, other women would get beat up for telling their husbands this. And maybe he is a little more mature (which helps) since he is 10 years older than you.
2007-07-17 04:01:42 · answer #10 · answered by ilovelilPhof 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your worry shows your immaturity. BUt that is okay you just need to become more mature.
However, your concern about sending the wrong signals is well founded. Stop sending those signals. You are indicating to men that you are available and want to date them. Stop doing that. Don't play dumb now, you know what you are doing. That is causing your guilty feelings. Don't act so sexy. Don't act so friendly. YOu are not acting like you are married and seriously in love with and loyal to your husband.
He sounds totally unsuspecting. Maybe he will start to wonder just what signals you ARE putting out.
2007-07-17 04:27:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋