My husband and I have been married 12 years and have 3 small kids. He's been distant this past year and I recently got on the computer and started flirting. It wasn't anything serious I just wanted to boost my self esteem. Hubby found out and flipped out. He left, has been angry and distant since. Last week he found out he is bipolar, which explains why he was distant. But I told him I was stupid and that I wasn't looking for a relationship with the other guy and the other guy never responded. Probably because I mostly talked about my husband and kids. I love my husband. I want him to stay. But he can't even tell me he loves me anymore. He's always angry at me and fussing me out. This has been going on for a month. I deleted my account immediately that I was contacting the dumb guy from. I never slept with the guy or had cyber and I'm not sure if hubby acting the way he is, is because of bipolar or because of me flirting. I've been hurt and mentally abused. What should I do?
2007-07-17 03:17:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've suggested marriage counseling. He says he needs to get things straight with his bipolar first before he can worry about anything else.
2007-07-17 03:21:34 · update #1
When I say mentally abused I mean when he fusses at me he belittles me and hurts me. My internet stupidity only lasted 3 emails, his abuse has been going on for at least a month.
2007-07-17 03:25:22 · update #2
I think he still loves you, he just needs time to process what you did and deal with his bipolar. Just take a step back and give him some space. In time he will close the gap and make your relationship whole again.
2007-07-17 05:10:45 · answer #1 · answered by lilmama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my step kids are by - polar and usaully , the by pollar only effects them at a particular moment and then it passes, by pollar, is a disease that effects the moment not an all day thing, they cant control anger and flip out easy,, I under stand that every one needs companionship, but the computer is no place for it my ex husband, did the flirting on the net and he did not understand why i was upset,, even though it is an Innocent act, but you still need to understand that it might not even be the Internet thing, he might just be using that as an excuse,, stop and think about all that has gone on and assess the problem but only you no your husband, so the best thing i can say do is don't bring it up any more unless he does, try to move past this because some time people over reacts,, but don't let him us him bipolar as a crutch,, hope i did some good
2007-07-17 03:56:06 · answer #2 · answered by marcell2967 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your husband taking medication? I have been married 22 years and it has not been easy at times. The most important thing you can do is talk about things. If I was you I would ask him flat out if he wants the marriage to work and if he is still in love with you. If he does and you are both committed to making it work, I would take the time to go see a marriage counselor. It could help with both your marriage and his bipolar. As far as you flirting on the Internet, everyone makes mistakes, don't beat yourself up over it anymore. I wish you the best of luck and much happiness.
2007-07-17 03:27:44 · answer #3 · answered by jb0302 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is correct when saying that he must get this bipolar under control. He won't function right until he sees his doctor and is put on medication. Stand by him and help out when you can. He needs you to be patient now specially if you do still love him. I'm sure he does love you and the children but being bipolar can make a person feel depressed and withdraw from the people he cares about. It wouldn't hurt if you educated yourself on bipolar by reading some books so that you understand where he is coming from. Cocoa
2007-07-17 03:31:11 · answer #4 · answered by cocoa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you figure you have been hurt and mentally abused?? Just curious if it is something you havent included in you Question. I think he has a right to fell hurt and betrayed. It doesnt matter if you actually physically cheated, the intent was there. Flirting to get you confidence higher is actually a betrayal in its own right. I can understand your frustration in the relationship, but you went about fixing (or not fixing) the problem all wrong. The only thing you can do is tell him you are sorry, you will remain sorry and he needs to either forgive you and get past it or move on so you can both get on with your lives!
2007-07-17 03:23:30 · answer #5 · answered by melissaw77 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Quit pushing for him to make you feel better about what you did. Let him process it his own way.
He told you he has just been diagnosed with a difficult disease and you are more worried about being forgiven. Sounds like you are overly focused on your needs.
Help someone other than yourself or join a group or activity to boost your self esteem instead of sitting on your butt expecting your marriage or a stranger in a computer to take care of it.
2007-07-17 03:29:57 · answer #6 · answered by Bentley 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the relationship was not that solid before this happened. If not he wouldn't have reacted this way and he would have more respect for you. Even if you love him you cannot change his feelings of resentment or frustration towards you. If you can't see him getting over this it is probably better that you get over him.
2007-07-17 03:24:07 · answer #7 · answered by Renata d 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage counseling. Call and make an appointment today.
2007-07-17 03:19:58 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
appologise to hus. and carring him
2007-07-17 03:21:52 · answer #9 · answered by keral 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, i'll flirt with you!
2007-07-17 03:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by whoatedpies 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋