What has helped you learn to build effective relationships with non disabled people? What tips do you have that might make it easier to make it in school , in work, in clubs, social networks? Has this changed as you got older?
2007-07-17 02:47:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ People with Disabilities
Just be yourself, Lizzy. Don't let yor disability get you down. If your friends refuse to accept you because of your disability, than chances are they were never your friends in the first place. If you meet people that think that they are better than you because your disability, society is full of @ssholes that truly think that they are better than the disabled, these clowns are not worth wasting your time, effort, or energy over. You will; however, also meet plenty of people that will go out of their way to help the needy and want to be friends regardless, but you just got to be open to new friendships.
Go ahead and enjoy life. Life is much too short to worry about what everyone thinks. Besides that, anyone who considers themselves above the disabled live deluted lives. The reason being is because if they are not careful, they too could someday find themselves disabled.
2007-07-17 07:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by Whatever 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have found the biggest stumbling block for me is that I cant always do things they want to do. I dont have the money to "have lunch" or go to a movie, or out for dinner.
There are days when I get exhausted just getting dressed and putting on makeup so even if I had the money I wouldnt have the energy.
There are days when even though I have made plans I am in so much pain and so tired I cancel - I never know from one day to the next where I am going to be with this.
I cant say "oh yah next Saturday should be good for me, I wont have pain that day". :-(
My daughter has been unable to accept that, I cant count the number of times I have heard "you promised" or "you lied you said you would go out with me" or "why should we ask you to do something you're always cancelling on me .." .
Some people arent sensitive and even the able bodied cant be friends with everyone - you have to pick and choose.
People also seem to assume disabled people are boring, have no lives, have never done anything they could carry on a conversation about with them, are uneducated, know nothing outside their little box -- so what would they have in common with a disabled person?
Pick an opening line that would show you DO have a life - something like "that was a great game last night--"
I have an invisable disability so these assumptions arent made about me, but I do look tired all the time - and I can see people who know I have a disability making this assumption about me.
Stay informed about politicis, world events, music, things to talk about. (you seem to do this already .. its a good opening for conversations)
Develop some hobbies and interests so you do have something in common with other people, choose people who have the same interests you do - join a club such as a photography club if thats your hobby. How do you do with swimming? People are " more equal" in the water, dont pick the person swimming laps, drift over to a "paddler" and smile and make a comment -
Smile at people you see in coffee ships talk to them ask them how they are doing.
People like to talk about themselves but often people feel its insensitive to talk about things they did, fun they had, etc to a disabled person who "has no life". (their opinion, not mine)
Become a good listener, be interested in their lives, I often feel hurt when friends talk about rock climbing or running because it hurts me to know I will never do it again and it reminds me of what I have lost - but thats my problem and I have to over come that --
2007-07-17 07:45:55 · answer #2 · answered by isotope2007 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Lizzy, don't let anyone place you in a box. You can tell those who might seem friendly, but still have that cruel attitude we are not as good. It's a form of prejudice. Don't be too sensitive about yourself. Learn a few jokes. Be bold and conversant. Engage in conversations, your opinion as good as any ones, you know how some equate physical or mental difficulties with non-intelligence. Continue being kind, but don't take no poop. Don't be ashamed to tell a person who really cares, how your challenge affects you, but, of course, without making a big deal. You can tell by the looks, if someone wishes to engage you as an equal, even if you are the better. If you have pain, it makes it hard, but you seem very centered. OH, and don't be afraid to accept help when you're having a hard day or hour.
2007-07-17 03:00:36 · answer #3 · answered by peter s 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well when I was in school (grade, middle, and high) I would talk to anyone. I wasn't the type that would go out, I'm sort of a homebody so I'd just socialize during class (when permitted), lunch time, or some other special occasion during school.
I find that just sharing a common interest (that has nothing to do with my disability) and being outgoing helps.
2007-07-17 11:48:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have scoliosis ever since i was little and I have coped up pretty well considering the fact that there is not a single other disabled person I know personally.
A lot of credit goes to my parents who encouraged me to make friends with other children and throw little parties like birthday parties so I get to know them better. therefore I was never conscious of my disability or worried about the fact that others were making fun of me or juding me. There were some nasty children who didnt let an opportunity pass to make me feel humiliated and worthless and I have cried as a child a lot. But it just added to my experience to deal with such good for nothing creatures who can just pull the other one down in order to move up.
Throughout school and college I met wonderful people and ended up making lifelong friends. I dont consider myself disabled even though i am barely 5 ft and walk with this horrible limp and have a huge hump. I am a person and all my friends realise that and they dont treat me any differently. we laugh, crack jokes, fight, cry, ***** ..basically do everything under the sun.
Some of my friends told me how they felt when they met/saw me initially and how they feel now. they said they felt sorry and were sympathetic when they first saw me but when they found out that i was not suffering from low self esteem or complexes and am an active participant in the drama and music club, it came as a pleasant surprise and my confidence is what attracted them to me.
My advise to you is that do not consider yourself any less. Let your personality shine through instead of your complexes. All able-bodied are not nasty and mean. Not all of them are scared or afraid of diabled people. They dont know much about the disabled and unless you open up to them they never will find out.
The tips I can give you from my experience are that be confident, even if you are not feeling so confident from inside initially. it will come to you naturally slowly with practice.
Never hesitate to talk to the able-bodied. They are same as us. Everyone has diabilities. Some have hidden ones, some have disabled relatives or children so everyone is understanding. you will rarely come across someone who cringes away from you or makes faces.
Go out as much as possible. Do not hide at home. Throw a little party once in a while to get to know people better and get over your shyness.
We get to live just once and god has a plan for all of us. If we are born this way we can either live cribbing and crying and shying away from others or live a happy and carefree life and not get bogged down by what the other person is thinking about us.
I congratulate you for taking the first step. All the best!!
feel free to mail if you need to know more.
2007-07-18 00:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by sun 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be interesting be interested. Most people like to hear them selves talk so ask good questions and listen.
Not necessarily whats your favorite food/color/ game. Cause these are one word answers.
Questions that require real answers. Like whats your dream job and why?
What would you do if you won the lottery?
Then you can really start to get deep and personal. Don't move to fast with the questions that will turn people off and don't forget to let them speak don't step on there words.
This will help you build a friendship..
Good Luck
2007-07-17 02:58:06 · answer #6 · answered by ooffaa2001 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not disabled but I don't see why you would be any different than non disabled people when it comes to relationships. Also physical disablities are different from non physical. My great niece has down syndrome and is only warm and loving to her family and grandparents. A great grandmother is out of luck getting a hug from her. Her disabilities don't make people not like her but it is hard to get to know her when she won't talk to most of us.
2007-07-17 02:59:41 · answer #7 · answered by shipwreck 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The more I work on my own mental and spiritual health, the better I get along with others.
My tips would include learning to love yourself. Learn to put yourself first. I love my neighbor as I love myself. Learn to set strong boundaries by knowing who you are. Know what you are willing to accept in a relationship and what you are not. Let others know this also when necessary.
2007-07-18 08:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by Jael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me its not a problem. I go into any situation with the expectation I will be treated with the same respect as anyone else--disabled or non-disabled.
Some people don't respond that way. I don't waste my time on them. If--rarely--I must deal with them (as in school or work environments) I do so politely--but on my terms. I don'tallow such attitudes to become my problem.
2007-07-17 08:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I just say be yourself and the rest is easy. Dont worry about the non existence of disability because thats not how GOD judge us. He judge the heart. Just take each day one at a time and you will be in the swing of things in no time.
2007-07-17 04:34:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋