My wife an I have been together for 14 years (married for 8). We're having some difficulties in our relationship and have been going to counseling for a year now. There's no cheating or anything aweful. I think we still love each other . . we've just grown apart.
I'm hopeful things will work out, but my big issue is that I feel like I live with a roommate. From my vantage point, my wife does not know how to be a part of an intimate relationship. No touching, no niceties, no closeness. She's never been that way. I guess I know what I was getting, but I find it odd that this is so hard for her to do. She doesn't nurture the relationship/me at all. I'm not looking for her to coddle me . . . but some basic intimacy would be a nice thing to have in our relationship.
What does it mean when someone doesn't want intimacy. I mean . . .. she literally doesn't touch me other than when we have sex. Does it hint at some kind of abuse earlier in her life??? I just don't get it.
2007-07-17 02:26:59 · 7 answers · asked by mmm123451 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My wife's family was definitely NOT touchy feely. Her dad was pretty overbearing and didn't have many nice things to say about anyone or anything.
My wife did a lot of drugs when she was younger, eating disorder, skipped most of high school, went after guys that basically used her . . . I just always wonder why someone would seek that type of self-destructive behavior. Granted, we all did dumb/fun things in our youth . . but there's the typical level of dumb/fun things and then there's her level. I'm just curious if all of these symptoms point to something.
We've discussed this in couseling and she discounts any notion of earlier "abuse". I generally believe her . . but I still wonder.
2007-07-17 02:52:10 · update #1
After a while, I discovered (by asking flat-out) "What's wrong? Did something happen to you when you were younger?" This question came after we got married - while dating everything was "normal"...it opened a huge can of worms - she had been molested as a child but had never told anyone - and felt that during dating, if she wanted a guy to like her, she had to touch and be touched.
2007-07-17 02:48:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look to her upbringing, some families are distant and aloof, and we learn. Mannerisms, likes, dislikes, yadda, are all a product of growing and developing. I have six daughters, three adopted and three biological. As an example I will throw out number 5, adopted at 13 months. She is now 30 and in a family picture everybody comments on how much she takes after me (her father). It is really spooky how it is true; shooting, driving, thought process, everything. As I said, try to peek back at her family upbringing and see what her parents and siblings are like for a clue. She may need counseling to open up.
2007-07-17 09:36:28 · answer #2 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she comes from a family that was not "touchy feely" you know what I mean? Have you discussed this with her? I would talk to her. Perhaps YOU make the first moves...you know, pat her on the back, give her hugs....not saying YOU should do all the work, but its a start.......good luck to you!!!!
2007-07-17 09:31:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is how she has been from the begining,and you feel in love with her so much to marry this women. Quit looking over the fence at the others. Are you toucky feelie person? ...
2007-07-17 09:56:33 · answer #4 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's just the way she is, I suppose. Maybe she's just not very confident of her self, her sexuality. Suggest you tell her what you expect of and from her. Get a little kinky in bed and buy her lotsa nice lingerie :)
2007-07-17 09:40:48 · answer #5 · answered by snoringcouchprincess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she could be an Alien, Watch out for those anal probes!
2007-07-17 11:45:55 · answer #6 · answered by MensaMan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She's angry at you still about something.
2007-07-17 09:32:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋