What would you do in my place, or in his?

Question

Hi all. Coming out of long-time lurkdom, I decided I want to play.

So my bf and I are talking about pretty emotional stuff, good but real mushy romantic like. It's dark in the room, and I just happen to touch his face. He's sniffling like he has a cold, and his eyes are definitely leaking. I know I probably shouldn't have asked, 'cuz it's a "duh" question, but I asked, and "No, I'm not crying. My eyes water sometimes."

Yeah, right. (rolling eyes) FYI I didn't say anything, but guys would you have gone the "it's my allergies" route or something like that too? Why don't guys ever admit these things? And bowing to the fact that I really shouldn't have asked, should I be concerned that he obviously was not exactly being honest with me? Or should I put it in a class with "No, you don't look fat in that," and leave it alone?

Answer 1

Let the man keep his dignity, and don't worry about it.

So many guys, even when they are fully grown and mature men, are ashamed of crying that I think the best thing we women can do is let them do it, but not insist on talking about it. If he wants to talk about it, let him, and respect him for having the courage to do so, but don't worry too much if his pride keeps him from admitting to it. The problem is that men grow up in a society where crying men are frowned upon. It doesn't matter how often magazines, or Oprah, or Dr. Phil say it's okay, there's still a tremendous amount of pressure to not cry. Most men get over it at some point, but it takes time and patience (on our part). Even when a man trusts you fully, he may be reluctant to cry in front of you, because he may worry that you will think less of him.

My husband has always been one who is very secure in his masculinity, and doesn't care who sees what his emotional state is. (Actually, he was probably pretty macho as a teenager, and wouldn't cry, but he's very emotional, so I think he probably got tired of being stoic.) Long before we met, he went on a first date and took the woman to see "Out of Africa". If you haven't seen it, it has a tremendously moving ending, and he got teary. She turned to him and hissed, "Oh please. Tell me you aren't crying you big baby." He was really disgusted with her, both because she wouldn't allow him to be himself, and because she is so cold she couldn't see how moving the film is. That was their first and last date, and he told me when he took her home, it was all he could do to not push her out of the car onto the sidewalk by her house ;)

He wasn't being completely honest with you, but this is one case where I wouldn't worry about it. I suspect it has more to do with him wanting to keep his dignity, and your respect, and less with him not wanting to share. Put it in the class with, "Baby, you are always beautiful in whatever you wear," (admit it, even we know that sometimes we don't look great, and are just seeking a tiny bit of reassurance) and don't let it bother you. If he brings it up, be sensitive to his needs and feelings, and if he doesn't, don't worry about it. Men are just like us, stuff makes them cry sometimes--they just need to learn that it's okay to show it and that we don't think negatively about it when they do. I kind of think that he may bring it up at some future date, but he may not, too. Either way is okay. Just remember that his reluctance to talk about it probably has to do with societal pressures, and not with anything you have done.

Be well.

Answer 2

Well for the time being I'd leave it be. But at some point in the future you might be able to touch on this subject again with him. And yes you're right it is a guy thing, Like no way are we gonna cry. REAL men don't cry. I was that way, But now, (that I am OLD) I can be sitting watching a good movie and I'll start crying. Like if I saw a really good scene, where someone dies or something really touches me, I'll cry. Sometimes more than others but Hey I guess it means that I have feelings. But in my younger years I would NEVER have admitted to this.

Answer 3

Well some guys just don't want to show their sensitive side. Most guys have a macho ego and they are not gonna mess it up cuz they were crying. First of all they don't want to look like a sissy or anything. Especially when guys are in a relationship they want to be your shoulder to lean on not the other way around. Well this is my insight on this.

Answer 4

Maybe he would have told you if you asked in a more romantic way or maybe if you would have just left it and thought "WOW"...men don't share their feelings unless they are on As the World Turns or something like that, and to have your man cry over something you talked about must be deep. But if you sounded insensitive at all you might have pushed him away.

Answer 5

I think you should run to your computer and let everyone know that your boyfreind cried.

This explains the question I just saw that asked: My girlfriend stuck her finger in my eye in the dark and made my eye water, Then she ran over to the computer and turned it on and started typing. When she got up she made some noise. Pretty sure it wasn't a fart. What do you think it was ? Sounded like it came from between her legs. When I asked her what it was she said she didn't hear anything. Should I trust her ?

Answer 6

Just leave it alone. But if you're really curious you can just ask what's wrong and he'll probably give in. But if he doesn't tell you after a while drop it. Sometimes things are better left unknown.

Answer 7

Leave it and what's left of his pride alone...lol

Answer 8

If he has no queries then left it alone.What will u do knowing that?

Answer 9

men don't cry.. as they were told not to admit it

Answer 10

u dont want to kno