Every time we go out he always wants to chat about his ex girlfriend and how they broke up (she cheated on him). This was two or three years ago now and he still hasn't moved on and either has the conversation - it's always the exact same story, delivered in the exact same way.
I've done my fair share of listening I think now and I’ve tried to make suggestions here and there, but I'm getting fed up now as this is getting old fast. Recently I tried to subtly suggest that he needs to move on, which he seemed to acknowledge at the time, but which I think he's not really taken on board.
So, other than laying into him or refusing to talk to him anymore about this what can I do?
2007-07-16 21:46:33 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Izetriyen, I don't really know how he manages to bring it into a conversation. One minute I'll be talking about our other friend and the fact he's been worrying about his work or something and the next minute we're onto his ex again.
2007-07-16 21:56:07 · update #1
eurocash, she was a fat minger when he met her and we all said it was a lucky escape when the other bloke (who she married) pinched her off my mate.
2007-07-16 21:58:02 · update #2
Try this: ask him, "Have you ever bought a CD because you just wanted to listen to it over and over, and you did buy it and you did listen to it over and over because you really, really liked to hear it? Yeah? Well, why did you stop? Because no matter how much you liked to hear it, eventually you simply got tired of hearing the same old songs over and over...right? Well, I've listen to the "Ballad of (insert his name here) got his heart broken" again and again because he means a lot to me...but I've heard it so many times that I memorized all the words and just can't listen to it anymore...do you understand?"
It worked for me this morning...he got it, apologized, and hasn't brought it up since...and he didn't get angry because he knows I'm his friend.
2007-07-21 17:42:17 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he actually have another girlfriend? Maybe - in his mind - he felt that she was the one but sometimes as you point out your friends on outside have a different perspective altogether.
In your opinion, does your friend suffer (perhaps without realising it) from low self-esteem? I wonder if the answer lies in where the two of you hang out. Do you hang out in pub with just you and a couple of other mates chatting or do you go out on the tiles to cut a few shapes and with the intention of meeting women - at least for your friend? I suggest you do the latter, because your friend may simply have not got back on that horse after falling off. I'd be surprised if he was still chatting about your ex if you went out to a bar with lots of good looking women and you were trying to introduce them to him!
Good luck with it.
2007-07-17 00:54:03 · answer #2 · answered by politicsguy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel! Someone I knew did the same thing. it's very difficult, and no-one else said anything to her either.
Sometimes we all wish we could be rude in a situation, as it will get the message home. Try changing the subject everytime, or do what I wish I had done, tell the person you have had it for three years now, and it is getting tiresome, and please move on, it's over.
2007-07-16 23:22:09 · answer #3 · answered by Thia 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need a holiday to Holland, get him laid and hopefully this will stop him going on. If not just tell him that he is boring you to tears and he really needs to get her out of his system or maybe it would be worth trying to track her down. Hopefully she is a fat minger and then he will look at it as a lucky escape.
2007-07-16 21:51:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
heya hun,omg i know exactley what you mean-except its my sister going on about her ex bf-living with it drives me mad-last night i ran away but got found....
you've got to be straight with him.hinting doesnt get anywhere-it might for a while but not for long!
just tell him because of what she did to him she doesnt deserve to be talked about in a praising sort of way-(straight but also true!;))
then suggest (if u want to ) going out one night on the pull and get him with someone else.or if u know a single decent girl u could try and set him up with her.or EVEN get him a bebo if he hasnt already got one and add some friends on that which should keep him busy hehe!
it so annoying when they start over and over again isnt it?next time he trys to just say "omg look over there !" and start running-it will shut him up for good.
good luck babe and hope iv helped! xxx :D
2007-07-17 03:02:32 · answer #5 · answered by ஐwhat i used to beஐ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time he brings her up just calmly say to him why do you keep bringing up (x Girl Friends name ) I am not her nor do I act like her nor do I care about her or things she did that is your past she doesn't need to be in our relationship. If it continues then I would leave him because he still has a thing for her.
2007-07-23 09:25:11 · answer #6 · answered by Bingo 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
simple answer. you wont. hes obviously still hung up on her. i had a mate like this, and very similar to you it started to annoy me very quickly.... best thing you can do is occupy him in different ways... try going out and meeting new people with him... maybe hes afraid to move on>? hes obviously been hurt by breaking up with her so try and just be seriously patient... i know its probebly driving you nuts. or the other thing you can do is risk hurting him and basically tell him what you think... without making it seem like your laying in to him....
just tell him straight... but dont risk loosing your friendship over something so trivial xxx
2007-07-16 21:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Say that you want to go out with him ...
but that if " XXX" name gets mentioned, you are going home !
He obviously was infatuated, now feels rejected, and that may well be a feeling he harbours for years, especially after a drink or two ... I doubt anything you do or say is going to alter that trait, if he is a real good friend, your going to have to live with it !
2007-07-16 21:56:00 · answer #8 · answered by TPE 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you are his friend and friends should be honest with each other, so just tell him nicely that the subject is getting a bit stale and that it's over between them and to move on.....my friend is like that too, so when she starts banging on i change the subject onto something else....
2007-07-16 23:23:11 · answer #9 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just tell him he has to move on and that you have heard the story before talk to him tell him how you feel. isnt being a good friend about being honest? why should you suffer?
2007-07-17 00:33:34 · answer #10 · answered by jessndale 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋