Me and my man have been together for almost 3 yrs. When we first got together I got the impression from our conversations that he would want to marry me and have children. Now he dosn't want to. He says things like what would be different than things are now other than a piece of paper on the wall. I told him that marriage is more than a piece of paper on the wall, but its a committment between us and God. He seemed to agree, but dosn't want to talk about it. He has known from the begining that was what I wanted and I have even argued the point then why did you fall in love with me if you were not willing for us to be a family. He has been married before and already has 3 kids whom I love dearly, but then again they aren't "mine". If any of ya'll have advice or have been in the same situation could ya possibly help me out here or give me some advice.
Thanks
2007-07-16 21:20:22 · 19 answers · asked by cowboysbaby090804 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, to the idiot who said, "Divorce hits men harder than it does women."
What planet are you from?
Now to the question...
He's been married before and it sounds like he's gotten comfortable with things just the way they are. He has no legal obligation to you and if things don't work out, it won't cost him anything. But were you to marry and have children and it didn't work out, he'd have even more child support to pay.
And that could be another issue...he's already got three kids. After nearly three years of being with you, he may be asking himself if he really wants more children.
I'd think about either getting couple's counseling or moving on with your life if you're not getting what you need from the relationship.
2007-07-16 21:38:13 · answer #1 · answered by elder_goth_gal 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
This is going to sound new age and it is because we are in a new age and have the information to make things work. It starts with inner harmony, getting yourelf together. That leads to a harmony bettween you and everyone in your life. Things aren't flowing in the relationship and won't work in this present condition. You have to develop emotional intelligence. You can look the phrase up on the net. It's used for everything now. Then your intuition leads you by the minute to relate well with a partner. Relating to your whole mind thru intuition teaches you how to relate ideas, relate to yourself and relate to others. It's the theory of relativity for society. You've got to do the work or things will stay the same or get worse in the end. A word to the wise.
2007-07-16 21:34:26 · answer #2 · answered by hb12 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Something failed in his previous marriage and maybe he is frightened it will happen with you. After bad relationships people are wary of certain things they did in that relationship and in a superstitious kind of way, are wary of doing the same things in a new relationship. It could be that he and his ex-wife had a great relationship until they got married and then something happened that they couldn't handle. Now that he has what seems to be a pretty good relationship with you he may be scared to marry you for fear the same thing will happen to your marriage. Try to get him to talk about why he really doesn't want to get married and even offer counseling. Sometimes pre-marital counseling will prevent the need for marital counseling AFTER the marriage. Good luck to you but from a woman who was once in the same situation, don't pressure him into it. He may do it because of your constant requests but in the end he won't be committed to you. Again good luck!
2007-07-16 21:37:44 · answer #3 · answered by mshavik 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Been there done that and walked out. Why? Because if you aint what I want then the right man for me is still out there and I was RIGHT. You need to reach a point where you stop trying to force the wrong man to be Mr. right and just call it quits. He was married and you werent so he might just be trying to avoid making the same mistake again. Ever wonder why his marriage failed in the first place? You need to just be honest with yourself and realise that theres no hope for it developing into anything more and walk away.
2007-07-16 21:36:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he's gunshy about marraige. Try talking about it one more time. Make sure that he knows how important it is to you & this is something you've wanted your entire life. This is one of your dreams. This is one of the things you exist for.
If he doesn't understand or continues to refuse, pull out the big guns. First, take him to couple's counceling. There may be underlying issues. If that doesn't work (or he refuses), then just lay it on the line & tell him that he can either help you pick out a wedding ring or he can help you pack while you are leaving him. Don't waste your life sitting around waiting for him to marry you. Before you know it you will be too old to bear children & you will end up resenting him. It sounds like you are already beginning to resent him now as it is.
2007-07-16 21:27:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
im in a similar thing i have 2 children but there not his he dosent want to marry me or have kids together he has kids as well . i think it s because they can leave when ever they want when things get tough which in the long run means they dont have to deal with getting a divorce or arranging to see the kids. there so selfish
2007-07-16 23:19:43 · answer #6 · answered by jazmine 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well the more you ask him or talk to him about it, the more he is going to push himself away and find more reasons he doesn't want to marry you. I think you need to take a step back and from a different perspective of someone who isn't in that relationship, ask yourself what you think the woman (you) should do.
But I definitely wouldn't bring it up to him anymore, that won't do you any good.
2007-07-16 21:24:42 · answer #7 · answered by Konjo Nashi Pirate™ 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yeah my ex husband used to say the same thing until I threw his quote back at him when I handed him the divorce papers. "it's just a piece of paper, it doesn't I mean don't care about you anymore." Plain and simple he doesn't want the "confines" of marriage. He may feel like it's too final for him especially since he was married before.. Besides for him to not want to discuss somthing so important means you're more commited to him than he is to you.
2007-07-16 21:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by spiffymo 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Wake up, he has obviously fallen out of love with you, I am sorry to be so frank but honesty is always the best policy. He probably doesn't want to hurt you by telling you the truth. Move on and enjoy life. Best wishes.
2007-07-17 01:06:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
well he doesnt want to commit becoz marriage comes with a bag or responsibilities.....and he clearly isnt ready for it ....he loves u , im sure u have great sex ....and it is enough for him ...since he has his own kids he not rushing for babies....he know kids r a lot of work and big expense so may be hez happy with 3.......u are clearly heads over heels in love so he knows ure not going anywhere hez not insecure about u......
2007-07-16 21:30:32 · answer #10 · answered by roli 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋